Any hope in my situation?? Advice appreciated

[lineb551]

Ok, what if you were trying to date the busiest of busy girls to be. A professional who's job requires 9am-8 pm each day. Who also has a large gathering of women friends who she adores and would put before any man.

 

What if she only initiated contact with you on the Weekends? What if she responded to your e-mails and phone calls timely and pleasantly but didn't counter your offers for dates she couldn't make? But made fun and witty responses several times a day.

 

What if there was a very strong physical attraction when you were together and couldn't keep your hands off each other? What if you have already slept with her, but haven't seen her for 2 weeks now because of her work during the week and me being out of town for the holiday weekend?

 

What if you got tired of always doing the contacting and chasing so you stopped and haven't heard from her in two days? What if you feel like you have really fallen for her and might be blinding yourself with the intial excitement?

 

What would you make of all this?

[silentalways]

i would chillax and say 'what's the rush'. life is a busy place and just enjoy the times you share together. sounds like u have something sweet and delicious there so don't ruin it. nothing worse than a nervous nelly not letting someone else have a private life too!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

hmmmm.... could be lots of things, but if she is working 11 hours a day plus commuting etc. and has a large circle of friends, then you probably have have to accept that this is her lifestyle and she only has so much time for you... she seems to be keeping up the contact with you and is not treating you rudely, just doing her job...

 

if you haven't seen her in two weeks because YOU were out of town over the holidays, you can't blame her for that, since she obviously doesn't have much time to date during the week...

 

plenty of women put up with men with this kind of schedule, so you have to decide what it is you really want from her...

 

so if you really want a girlfriend who works only a 40 hour week and is available during the week, this women isn't for you... but if you really enjoy her and are willing to work with her schedule and see her on weekends, then i'd say keep contact with her and see where it goes...

 

if you two eventually got serious and lived together, you'd see her everyday, but still not til late in the evenings... that bothers some people, and other people are fine with that... she might also change jobs and have more normal hours eventually, but if you already are losing patience with it, you may just look for someone else who is more available to you...

[Batya33]

her hours sound far far more reasonable than mine were in the first 5 years of my career - I would have loved a 9 to 8 schedule - instead I was on call 24/7, often there after midnight, worked most weekends, sometimes had to be in before 8am and leave at 1am, and none of it was predictable. and yet - in that 5 years I had a serious boyfriend the entire time other than for maybe a month or two in between times a few times. How? I dated men who had similar schedules and/or understood mine, we saw each other every weekend and often during the week but sometimes that meant getting together at 11pm, getting together but doing work, etc. I also saw friends but prioritized my relationships. None of them ended because of my schedule.

 

This woman has plenty of time to date - at least compared to what my schedule was. She does not want a serious relationship with you and the "busyness" is just an excuse. Please don't take it personally.

[lineb551]

Wow you sound like a superwoman Batya33. I don't know how you juggeled all of that at once. But I applaud you for it! I have a very light schedule at this point in my career so it is difficult for me to understand what it would be like to work such long hours. In some ways I wish I could, but it is just doesn't go along with the territory I am in.

 

Thank you all for your opinion. The first two gave me a little hope to be patient and keep trying.

 

But I think my heart just fell to the floor when I read the last one So I take it you think I am being used or led on? Why go on 4-5 dates if there is not possibility of a relationship?

[caro33]

I wouldn't be too sure that you're being brushed off here, although it doesn't look like she has prioritised you highly.

 

I have a friend who works long hours, and has so many (female) friends she catches up with that I, her best girlfriend, have to book ahead by weeks with her sometimes. I'm talking about her saying 'we should have lunch!' and I say 'yes! free tomorrow how does that sound?' and she then saying 'err...well I can do lunch in three weeks on the Thursday but only for half an hour'....Some people are just like that, they seem to get their energy from being around other people, and they surround themselves with this kind and are always in demand.

 

I reckon your situation is too hard to call from the information available. God knows, she could be trying to do the 'Rules' thing and make you do all the chasing so you don't get sick of her. It's working, huh?

 

Why not call her for another date and pay lots of attention to the signals you get then. Make it clear what your intentions are and see what happens.

[need2bme]

What if you got tired of always doing the contacting and chasing so you stopped and haven't heard from her in two days? What if you feel like you have really fallen for her and might be blinding yourself with the intial excitement?

 

Happen's all the frickin' time. Happened to me. Look, we all LOVE to be doted on. Even if we know how to stand back and not rush. Being cared for, feels good. I don't give a crap if you are a "hunter/gatherer" type.

 

When someone treats you as if you are their world, there is no other thing like it. Just remember, it does take 2. She should reciprocate. Keep telling yourself this over and over...