So it comes full circle...

[mikeca]

well it was about 6 months ago when I first posted in this forum about a girl. Alots happened in between those posts, some good, alot bad. heh. But anyway, I'm back, roughly for the same reason.

 

For the background portion you can visit this thread.

 

basically;

 

should I tell her all that I'm feeling, and walk away? or continue NC, I havent responded to her last email in a week now. I'm stubborn, and the bad thing is, I know it. Part of me has already walked away, its just not the part in charge right now. I still would like us to work out, for her to get the help she needs, to be the one to help heal whats been taken from her. I can't imagine how that rape has changed her. But Ive used that incident to justify things she's done while were apart, and I'm not sure thats right anymore.

 

Some of these threads tell me to be true to my values, and right now shes not respecting me, I'm not a "part-time BF" and I'm not sure whether to put my foot down and let her have it somewhat even after what she's been through. Although after reading certain other threads, its advises to give her space in times of such confusion. do I still send a message stating my feelings but I'm still here for her even if I'm not in contact?

 

ahh it doesnt make any sense in my head anymore.

 

There will be more to come as I think of it, I just had to write my thoughts down, this forum has been very responsive and I'm thankful for it.

[Mavis VDSande]

Hiyah

 

At the moment it's frustrating because you feel like you're in limbo. But in your previous posts you mentioned that her emails were cold, she didn't want to pay for therapy and she said that she could not be committed to you.

 

I think that sending her a letter is a good thing. But not to say "hey I'm here for you, I'll be the good guy and wait for you". But to say "I'm willing to try and slowly build on something but if you cannot do this then this is a goodbye letter".

 

You must understand that she has to resolve her painful issues herself. You can't help her. If she really loves you, I believe that she would want to actually face her past to resove her issues and build a better rels with you (instead of have a rebound with a guy you know). So far, she hasn't. She's not even making the effort.

 

So I believe that it's better for you to let your intentions be known and then have the freedom to make a clear decision for yourself from her response. She must respect you as a person too. It's not just about her and her past. I know it sounds harsh but don't let that be a burden to you.

 

Hugs x

[tylercdurden2004]

No offence but who cares what shes been through. Is she treating you a certain way because she has been through something?

 

You may care about her a great deal and thats fine but in no way should you let it excuse her behaviour towards you or others. It only teaches her that her behaviour is ok.

 

If this is ongoing for 6 months now and you are not healing then you need to be alot firmer.

 

Remember Good girls dont confuse you infact if she really wanted to be with you there is no way she would risk losing you by "being confused" about your relationship with her. She keeps you hanging on. Thats too bad.