Update! Who Wants To Smack M First? So Confused:(

[kickedin]

so as all of you know i met my ex for coffee last tuesday after her four page email that i posted.....things went great we talked laughed everything, i said i understood that she needed to heal and most of our conversations were "if we " got back together.....both know we would lol as we talked i walked her to her car gave her a "hug" like friends as to not make it hard for each of us she called me later on we talked quickly and i said good night........it went great i told her that i would most likely stop by for coffee at her parents house on thanksgiving..........

 

next morning she calls and says "i picked up some food for you and if you want i will come over early and help you get your turkey started" i said great i saw her in the afternoon to get the stuff and i kinda went to give her a kiss goodbye she got weird on me...so i played it off....she told me she was going to upstate to see her the family she used to nanny for ......she said are you mad i said well i guess i cant be she said well its nt like we would have saw eachother...........

 

so she texts me later asking what i was doing and asked for a phone date lol.......we talked she kinda got pissy with me that i didnt tell my dad that she was coming over...(she thinks my family hates her) anyway that ended i picked her up in the morning we had a great time in the kitchen she asked if i wanted to pick her up the following sunday becuase she was going to a friends wedding on sat nite and then we could go to ny on sun/mon i was like wow! shes coming around so i said yes we kinda hugged not really getting kissy kissy but it was all there

 

i took her home hung out a bit with her and her brother left she texted me later asking if i was making out ok with the bird......talked a bit here and there.....went to her familys house around 7 had a great time she looke dgreat i had given her my ipod which she organized and put a ton of songs on for me.......a surprise she said.........i said you realize that our trip next week is our 2 year anniversary she smiled at me and said wow wont it be great

 

i could tell that she was alittle miserable because she wants to host a dinner at a home she doesnt have lol.......(a la divorce) she a good party host......i drove her home told i would check her tires for her before she left as i was walkig out she grabbed my arm and started passionatley kissing me!!!!!!!in an instant we were talking about making eachother happy making this work she said we could plan a small wedding or engagement by june......i was so into the moment not realizing that she got weirded out about kissing me 24 hrs ago

 

so i left i called her the next morning she seemed flusterted said ill call you when i get in the car......it was a weird feeling i had......so i tried getting off the phone she said r u blowing me off ......i said no....anyway i called her to make sure she got there she said yes and i talked to your mom we had a great talk.....lol so now i am feeling better

 

i texted her like 3 hrs later "kinda miss you" she texts back saying "was just going to text you miss you 2" she went to dinner with her friends called me around 10 ish i said i was driving home from work told i was tired she said i want to talk please talk so we did for a few then the one daughter came home so she wanted to say hi i said i am grabbin a shower and if she wanted try callin me hen shes done....she texted me at 1130 i called her back we talked everything was going great " i miss you i love you" all the juicy stuff then she says i want to spend the day with you on sunday all day in bed...i ll even cook for you...i said sounds great...then the bomb

 

she says can you sit down with me and show me your progress on your finances so i know we are moving forward to buy a house.... i said yeah sure...she then asks me how much money i have left fromn the sale of my house which i sold 2 months ago for her so we could buy a house...(to my dad so i still live here) she backed out then and as you can see from my other posts is wishy washy...so i told her i spent some here there and invested into my business because ...(we agreed the last time i broke up that i needed till june and that we would get a house in june IF things went well so used some money to get my business ging quicker.....

 

SHE FLIPPED ! " YOU LIED TO ME YOU SAID YOU DIDNT HAVE TO USE THAT MONEY THAT WAS OUR MONEY FOR OUR HOUSE I KNEW THAT YOU WERE GOING TO SPEND IT"

 

anyway after back and forth she finally hangs up and send me a text ......i dont trust you i am buying y own house in feb i cant be with you anymore......

 

i was so shocked because 48 hours ago you wouldnt kiss me....

(i did say to her even if i had a ton of money i still wnat to see a stable relationship with her for at least 3-5 months

 

the next day i called her and texted her that i was working 7 days a week to get us to a settle place and i said june and i menat it...so whats the problem.....she calls and flips some more then sends me some nasty texts saying " i sed her i lied to her she could have been healedduring her divorce that i screwed off and i could have been ready now she has to wait...(shes 34 clock is ticking) and said i cant be with a liar .......she calls me and says i cant believe you spent money you have too much debt i am done "you are worth more dead then alive" then she hangs up wouldnt answer my calls and

 

sends me a text " i will never marry you or be with you ever again you arent honest you are a liar dont call me dont text me i will erase them we are done and dont call my brother or family we are all done with you you are a user"

 

I WAS FLOORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SENT HER A TEXT SAYING I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU TELLING ME I AM WORTH MORE DEAD THEN ALIVE.......I HAVENT HEARD FROM HER SINCE WHICH WAS SAT AFTERNOON

 

her brother called he has no idea whats going on said something isnt right with her that she shouldnt be speaking for him or his family and he is baffled....him and i have talked i kinda dont want him in the middle he feels bad but hasnt really talked to her.......

 

NOW FOR ME I AM DYING HERE I WANT TO CALL HER AND ASK HER HOW CAN SHE ACCUSE ME OF LYING TO HER AND JUST ENDING IT LIKE THAT I DIDNT LIE ABOUT ANYTHING I MADE A BUSINESS DECISION TO USE MY MONEY TO GET MY SHOP RUNNING SOONER WE WERENT BUYING A HOUSE UNTIL JUNE ANYWAY

 

THIS SUCKS PART OF ME WANTS TO DO NOTHING PART OF ME WANTS TO CALL HER AND SAY THAT THIS IS RIDICULOUS YOU EITHER KNOCK IT OFF AND WORK THIS OUT OR I AM MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE BECAUSE THIS ROLLERCOASTER IS CRAZY

 

 

GUYS PLEASE HELP I AM SO CONFUSED..........

[bambina maxima]

wow, kickedin

 

I don't know the whole story, but just from what you've written, she sounds a little like a manipulative gold digger. I can understand valid concerns about finances if you are planning a future together, but she seems to be laying claim to your money when you aren't even in a relationship.

 

You said you'd have the money by June...okay...maybe that is realistic, maybe it isn't...maybe she should be concerned, maybe not. What gets me is the aggressiveness of her reaction. It didn't seem to be quite rational.

 

How long did it last before and how long were you broken up? How long has it been since she's been divorced? I am guessing she's still hurting from the fallout from that last relationship and maybe can't offer emotional stability...divorces can be messy, long, and very painful, especially when kids are involved.

 

My advice is to put all your energy into your business. She doesn't sound like she is willing to listen to your grand financial plan, so it's useless to explain. I would seriously rethink what you two really have with each other...

[kickedin]

we have been like this on and off....she is mad because we aretrying to get settled i am having a rough road on my business and shes pissed cause i amstill paying for big tickest toysthat i bought when i was makin good money now she resents that because things are tight andd getting settled look afar......yeah she makes it out to be a golddigger but she claims i am not honest of where i am at money wise and led her to believe one thing......

 

i knowit has been since feb when her big d was finalized but her email to me last week 4 pages staed that she realized she had baggage and needed that time to heal.......then we met for coffee and bam here are again.....partly my fault because i should have stuck to what she asked for space...........but i fell for the moment not realizing i have been here with her 20 times before(not talking for a week or so her missing me us getting back together and so on)

[bambina maxima]

Yeah, it sort of sounds like a case of jumping back in too soon.

 

Give it space. Work on your business and securing your finances. She to get to a spot where she can talk relatively calmly about the future, money, etc. I understand finances are important, but saying stuff like ""you are worth more dead then alive" is extremely immature and hurtful and it doesn't solve anything. It really seems like she has a sense of entitlement when it comes to your money...which smells like trouble.

 

And if this has happened many, many times it just sounds as if you two are not compatible at the moment, and perhaps not ever. If you can't have a rational discussion about money, then it doesn't look good...I know it's hard to be logical, but these things are extremely important in making long-term relationships work. If she has continuing expectations for you to buy her a house, I would shake my head and start walking and never look back.

 

Also, be careful never to make promises you're not sure you can keep (i.e., I will be able to buy a house with you this summer). Maybe you will be able to, but that is a HUGE thing to put on the table.

[kickedin]

well alot of it was promises that i couldnt keep not that i didnt try i just thought i could........was i a bad guy no...things didnt work out did she say that out of anger most likely but it hurt!!!

[Alezia]

I don't personally get why she would want to leave you because you do not feel ready to buy a house just YET.

If she can buy her own house, as she threatens, what is stopping her from buying one right now and still maintain her relationship with you?

Is it really the house she wants or the relationship?

[kickedin]

I don't personally get why she would want to leave you because you do not feel ready to buy a house just YET.

If she can buy her own house, as she threatens, what is stopping her from buying one right now and still maintain her relationship with you?

Is it really the house she wants or the relationship?

 

thats what i said taht she is choosing to not be with me.......shes like a man should be able to buy a house and support a family.....i am sure she isnt ready to rush into another marriage if she just ended one in feb......unless UNLESS it is 100% perfect or so she thinks