I question everything

[xxsoftwarexx]

In the first serious relationship I had, I trusted the person completely only to be crushed. Ever since then, I don't believe anything a woman tells me. My current gf and I are having problems because everything she does I nitpick about. Like if she wants to leave a little early, I take it as she don't want to be with me. Or when she says she loves me, I think she don't because I feel she's not doing enough to show me.

 

I mean, I pay attention to every single detail. And I read alot into it. I would consider the first serious relationship I had to be the "perfect" one, she was everything I wanted but it ended on a sour note. Now I just compare everyone to her, and if they are not showing me what she did, then I automatically dismiss it as not loving me. And now I always lose the good ones because I turn into a big butt about it.

 

I'm just tired of feeling so insecure about every thing. And i'm tired of being heartbroken and then wonder why it happened when it was my fault in the first place. I would just like some advice on this. I'm just scared to trust someone like I did the first time and be let down again.

 

Thanks

[musicguy]

I do the same thing and I'm the same way

[Iggy5129]

The thing that you have to realize is that you WILL be let down until they are the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. If you live life in fear of breaking up and being heartbroken then you will never find someone. You have to date in order to find the person you want to be with forever, relationships are a risk but in order to get to the good you have to go through some bad. Just accept the fact that sometimes relationships go bad, you have to live in the moment and not worry about the future so much. Force yourself to trust her, I know the exact feeling you have right now but it is better to trust someone and be let down then to go through life not trusting anyone.

[EmptySoul]

I understand your problem...trust is a big issue. Because most people lie and backstab. And yeah, if you throw yourself out there completely you could get hurt again. But if you close yourself off, you will lose people, and you'll regret it later. You have to find a spot somewhere in the middle, trusting, but not naive. Don't compare people you date now to that first girl, that's not fair- everyone is different. Don't focus on the past, work on now, talk to who you're with about how you want things to be, but don't nitpick and start arguments...

 

-E.

[Azual]

From topic -

 

Helped me. Hope it helps you.

[bigredvick]

xxsoftwarexx and musicguy i am too.

[blindfold]

from personal experience (believe me, truly PERSONAL) - try and stop it. my bf has the same attitude as you, always judging me and interrogating me about everything and i end up feeling a bit awkward and mostly devastated with the fact that he doesn't trust me - he is everything to me, and i genuinely believe he feels the same way, but he is WAY too controlling and jealous, and above all - suspicious.

i feel miserable each time he doubts me.