Other Side Of The World..

[ForbiddenDesires]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for 3 weeks now...

I've known and loved him for so much longer, we've met via World of Warcraft and, like a lot of people, never knew this type of relationship would blossom.

We've always gotten along, we've had a few quarrels as relationships do, but never anything serious. I admit I get jealous of the girls he talks to, but, he seems to get tense when around other men - and i dont want to say he can't talk to 'such and such', when I'm not even there. I have an advantage that he doesn't go to school, and only sees one friend usually, whos thankfully a male.

I have my full trust in him...

 

He is in America though, whilst I'm in Australia. Its already been organised, via parentals to parentals, that I'd go over there once my schooling is completed...I have year 11 and 12 to get through now...

 

I miss him so much, I LOVE him with all my heart...

Its uncommon for me to really say, let alone think such things, i've always been an independent soul, and never believed in love. Its happened once, and that didn't end well ( I broke it off), now i'm unsure whether the same thing will happen here.

I dont want it to of course...I really think I could spend the rest of my life with this person.

 

Excuse me, if I sound like a typical teenage girl...

 

I want to know, how can I bear this distance? I feel like my heart is snapped in two just being unable to look at him and tell him I love him...

 

~Sara

[Batya33]

Until you meet in person and date consistently in person for at least 6 months, you may be friends, you may be penpals, or a combination of the two. You are not in a romantic relationship and most likely your feelings of "love" are based on your image of him from typing and talking - you are missing an entire - and essential - perspective of him because you have never met him in person. This makes for a lovely and intense fantasy but that's really about it. It might be that you click in person and are romantically compatible in person but you will not know that until you meet. My suggestion is to recognize that you obviously want a relationship and to find one with someone you can see in person at least once a week or so.

 

The way you describe it sounds like you are far more in love with love than with him (which is a separate observation from my observation above). He can talk to and date anyone he wants because you are not in a romantic relationship with him let alone an exclusive relationship. Please be careful with how far you take this in your own head - he may say he has one friend, he may only have one friend, all that can change in a matter of a day if he meets new friends, or a woman, etc. Not to hurt you but because he exists in reality, in person and not just on line.

 

It's tempting to think that what you have is "deeper" and transcends the physical but what it is, most likely, with few exceptions, is loving the image you have of him. You have no idea what he is like in person - his energy, vibe, presense, whether there is chemistry or attraction. You have no idea if he is who he says he is - but that is a separate issue from not knowing what he is like in person. Not about his looks - but about our human and essential need to interact in person in a romantic relationship. Enjoy the typing, the talking, the friendship and if one of you ever decides to relocate (not because of each other!) you can meet.

[ForbiddenDesires]

As..harsh..as that sounds, I understand your point...I know what he looks like however, I've spoken to him on the phone, and, perhaps its lies...but, I love them, its the only sense of love I have at the moment.

 

Thankyou for your opinion, Batya33.

[Honey_30]

i know a couple who met online, she was in America and him in Australia,, they were both at school and talked on the phone, on msn, fell in love...they finally met when he came to her country and they hit it off just as good as online.

 

that was 2 years ago, and there still going strong to this day.she is planning on moving there,going to college there.ect.. so it is very possible that things can work out

[southerngirl]

It is possible for it to work out! I met my husband online, we lived 640 miles apart and talked on the phone and emailed and then did meet and hit it off. We are married now and doing just fine!

 

I would suggest meeting up though sometime if thats a possibility.

 

Good Luck to you! As for how you are going to handle the distance, I dont know... For us, we couldnt handle the distance, it was like torture everytime he would leave. He would come to visit every few weeks driving a 10 hour drive to see me.

[Batya33]

As..harsh..as that sounds, I understand your point...I know what he looks like however, I've spoken to him on the phone, and, perhaps its lies...but, I love them, its the only sense of love I have at the moment.

 

Thankyou for your opinion, Batya33.

 

Irrelevant that you know what he looks like as you have never been in his presense and body language, energy, vibes, eye contact when in person - all speak volumes about a person.

 

It sure can work out but for it to work out you need to meet ASAP and spend consistent in person time together for a period of months - until then you will not know whether your feelings of love have any basis in reality, much less form the foundation of a lasting healthy relationship. Until you have concrete plans to meet and to spend that kind of time together I would remain penpals and actively seek out social opportunities whether dating or platonic in person and in real life.

[Cloud802]

Batya has a point, but don't let it discourage you. I mean, I fell in love over the internet and it turned into a really serious relationship, and while we may have broken up it was one of the best things ever.

 

As Batya said, meet as soon as you can, because that's the real moment when you find out if it really is the best thing in the world.

[sidehop]

Wow! Reminds me of the couple that got married on WoW. That was a bit awkward for me but yes, it CAN work.

 

And don't let that 'you won't know til you meet the person' get you down. For me, with my g/f, everything was the way we expected & was only better because we finally met. It can work. If you two are serious and of course one of you are willing to move for each other of course It really boils down to it, no matter how you think.

 

Aside from that, take each day at a time & see where it goes

[Alea]

I had the same thing with my boyfriend when we met; that everything was as expected. I wonder how many have had the same experience and how many have had the opposite?

 

My first meeting with my boyfriend - now fiancee - went very well. We'd spent a lot of time together on voicechat (skype) and webcam, so we knew what to expect. It was a pleasant surprise to realize that he was and is exactly who he presented himself as.

 

In reply to the topic, it sounds like you're taking things very fast for having been dating this guy for three weeks. I suggest slowly phasing out the text-chat and moving to voicechat - Skype is a great, free program, and it really cuts down on the phone bills. It's a lot harder to misrepresent yourself through voice than through text. Using webcams on a regular basis is also a very good idea.

[ForbiddenDesires]

Thanks for that, hun -

Turns out I'll be seeing him over christmas next year^_^.

Never experienced a winter christmas before, as i'm in Australia...

 

thankyou for your post.

[Batya33]

Given your age and the circumstances I hope you enjoy having him as an on line friend and penpal, that you socialize in real life with a variety of people and that if you ever meet in person you meet in a public place and stay in a hotel -not with him - you must consider him as a perfect stranger for purposes of safety. I also would do a background check given how far you will be travelling to see him.

[ForbiddenDesires]

I will be staying with him, he doesn't live alone and our parents are preparing to talk. I find myeslf not caring what really happens, I've never taken a chance with my life, I'm prepared to dive in and face the unknown.

 

Consider me foolish if you want, but, I just don't see a reason not to.

[Batya33]

I will be staying with him, he doesn't live alone and our parents are preparing to talk. I find myeslf not caring what really happens, I've never taken a chance with my life, I'm prepared to dive in and face the unknown.

 

Consider me foolish if you want, but, I just don't see a reason not to.

 

Please read up on all the young women who are assaulted, raped, etc by being just in this situation. Yes, your parents might talk but they cannot stop their son from harming you and by staying with him - a complete stranger - you are giving the impression from the get go that you are ok with having sex. And how will you know if the "parents" he has talk to your parents are really his parents? Risks are a good thing - but this is an unnecessary risk. If someone was willing to stay in my home the first time we met I would assume that person was unstable.

[musicguy]

I wish all of those happy endings happen with girls I meet online

[bz-]

I had the same thing with my boyfriend when we met; that everything was as expected. I wonder how many have had the same experience and how many have had the opposite?

 

Same thing with me and my gf but everything was so much better than we could ever have expected. All people I know that met someone online had a good first meeting.

 

@ForbiddenDesires

IF something would happen when you meet him then you would be alone there with noone to help you. I think he should visit the you the first time just to be on the safe side.

[ForbiddenDesires]

I've taken the precautions needed, if something does happen then thats my own fault...

Even if the risks out weigh the pros - I dont care. My decision is now made, that I'm going there.

 

Thank you for your note.

[Batya33]

I've taken the precautions needed, if something does happen then thats my own fault...

Even if the risks out weigh the pros - I dont care. My decision is now made, that I'm going there.

 

Thank you for your note.

 

 

To me the only reasonable precautions for a woman are to meet him in a public place, during the day, on your home turf where you do not get into each other's cars for any reason on the first meeting and where you have a cell phone that works where you can connect to someone you know who is not too far away.

 

Anything else is an unnecessary risk. Don't believe me, do some reading and research - you have plenty of time since neither of you choose to make this happen for at least another year.