sleex Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I have been dating my boyfriend for well over a year,and he's great. Only problem is, he dated a girl for 5 years (it was his high school sweetheart), they broke up in January and him and i started dating that March. I told him right off the bat that I didnt want to be a rebound, and he assured me this was completely different, but I understood they were still friends and I accepted that. Time has gone by, its been over a year since they broke up but I still continue to have insecurities about this. Not only is she beautiful and thin, but she is very intelligent. I have this on goinmg stuggle with her constantly calling and talking to my boyfriend. She found some new guy, but she still finds the time to keep in touch with my boyfriend. I snooped around his room and I found a drawer with pictures of her in it, and old poems, notes etc. I asked him about it, and told him to throw them away and he said he was sick of my insecurity about her, he said she is in the past, and I read way too much into things. Still, if she is the past, why does he still continue to keep these memento's around? Why is he so eager to keep friends with her when he knows it makes me upset? What do I do? I love him so much, I know he loves me, I am going crazy, HELP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleex Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 hey thanks for the advice, I really should trust him, its just hard. I've met her and we're completely different people, but I really want to trust him. I dont want him thinking I am some psycho always snooping around his . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick32x Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 If they dated for 5 years, they probably have a strong connection... not necessarily romantic connection.. but obviously they are still good friends. I think your insecurities will end this relationship shortly... He already has expressed the fact that your insecurities bother him. I feel that you are completely in the wrong here. He doesnt have the poems, pictures laid out around his room. He has them put in places in his room that he can choose to look at when he wants to. You don't really have any right to snoop around in his stuff, and than yell at him for keeping MEMORIES. I wouldnt give up a 5 year friendship for someone that I've been dating for a year either. If you are worried about him cheating on you, than maybe you should bring that to his attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 OH MY GOD. please please please, stop being so insecure. i just lost an amazing man because of the SAME reasons. please PLEASE just let it go or you'll lose him too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonboy582 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 He has not given youany reason to distrust him so don't. I have things in a box from my ex. But they are in a box away and I never look at them, just keep them. I could also not be any more inlove with my girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Ok so they are friends and that is a bit uncomfortable for you, and I can see why it would be. After 5 years they had a long term relationship and an obvious connection.... but you seem to be missing something very obvious: They broke up and he is with you. How does he treat you? How does he make you feel? Do you feel loved and respected? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleex Posted November 28, 2006 Author Share Posted November 28, 2006 I feel very loved and respected. But how far can this go if he knows it upsets me when I see pictures of her, poems from her, that he still keeps. I don't want to lose him, I just dont know how I am going to get over this insecurity. When I broke up with mty ex, i threw away everything, and made it my business to never talk to him again, that helped me get over it. Doesnt he want to make me happy by getting rid of it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick32x Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I think he wants to make you happy by treating you right... being nice to you.... telling you he loves you..... Don't you want to make him happy by allowing him to be friends with his FRIEND that hes had for the past FIVE years?1 This is a two way street.. and just because you hated your ex.. maybe thats the not the way it went down between them...... Keep pushing him to leave his friends... and he will leave you.... In my experience at least..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 I feel very loved and respected. But how far can this go if he knows it upsets me when I see pictures of her, poems from her, that he still keeps. I don't want to lose him, I just dont know how I am going to get over this insecurity. When I broke up with mty ex, i threw away everything, and made it my business to never talk to him again, that helped me get over it. Doesnt he want to make me happy by getting rid of it? See, that's the thing. You can't expect that he feels or reacts in the same way about it as you would. The way he makes you happy is to show you each and every day that you are his girlfriend and that he chose you and is with you, and he seems to be doing that from what you say. It has been your way to throw away all reminants of your ex when you break up... but he is not you, and he shouldn't be expected to react like you do. He is his own person, and it seems his way of dealing with it is to put things away in a drawer, and move on. It would be one thing if he had these pictures posted all around his bedroom or out on a frame on the mantlepiece or such, but from what you described, they are simply tucked away in a drawer somewhere, collecting dust. I have been with my bf for over 4 years now and living together just as long, but I still have pictures of my ex somewhere in the house, collecting dust, and so does he. That doesn't mean that we want to get back together with them, or that we love them still... it is just a memory that we have from a time in our lives that has passed. Think about this logically for a second: Throwing away old pictures or notes from his ex is not going to make his memories of her disappear, or make what they had disappear. The only thing you can change about this situation is how you react to it. You say he treats you with love and respect- so why let an old drawer full of letters or pictures ruin that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Sweetie...I am in the same boat you are. I honestly would just try and let go. I am and it makes me feel so much better Just trust him, but ask him to put them in a box in his closet...but compromise, and tell him you will pick a picture of them to, and he can have it out in the open. But you want an even bigger picture of the two of you. My boyfriend is still friends with a girl he dated while we were broken up. They really dont speak. But let go..its the best thing you can do. It will give you a stronger bond with your boyfriend, than his ex has. The heart does funny things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 I think you need to look at this in black and white. You continuously reflect insecurity and demand him to "stop talking to her," " get rid of notes, etc," you'll most likely find yourself single. You remind yourself constantly that he is with you and loves you and let go of the "nagging" (as they see it,) then maybe you'll have a successful longterm relationship. I know it's not easy to overcome insecurity but if you want him, you don't have a choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now