I have big problems with "ex"....i need HELP!!!!

[Oddjob]

Ok this may end up being long so i hope can handle reading it......im going to get in-depth.

 

Me and this girl started hanging out in the beginning of january of this year, roughly 3 weeks after i had gotten out of a 3 year relationship. Things went absolutely fantastic, couldnt ask for anything better but my Ex started calling etc. She basically got herself into my head to the point where i couldnt focus on my new relationship.

 

I eventually broke up with the new girl because my feelings had gotten stronger for my ex again and we actually started hanging together again. This rekindlement lated approximately 4 weeks and abruptly ended cause it just really wasnt the same anymore.

 

Now the other ex is still poking around my hose being that one of my housemates is her brother. My love for this girl is still very strong and i have let her know that. I kinda came out of the blue with this to her one day and freaked her out a bit.

 

She allows me to call her often, ive written a long letter to her explaining everything that had went down. This is the girl i want to be with but she is extremely attractive and wont last long on a single market, so i feel i need to act quickly.

 

She tells me is isnt sure what she wants to do, she not sure if she wants me calling her, shes not sure if she wants to get back into a relationship........all of these "not-sures" coming out of her mouth are driving me ballistic. I know from her sister and some close friends that she still has strong feelings for me so i know im not totally wasting my time on this. I do not want to let her go, i want this girl back....she means very much to me.

 

What should i do here????

 

I need some advice fast!

[mermayd]

there is not much you CAN do seeing as how you have let her know your feelings and explained the situation. You ahve done everything in your power to this point. the rest is really up to her to decide if she wants to e with you or not. I am sure she still ahs feelings for you, but if you look at things in her perspective, wouldnt you be leary of getting back into a relationship with someone who left you for their ex? I know I would. Do you feel sorry for going back with your ex? If so, have you apologized to her? I would continue to do so, but not to the point of being obnoxious. Just to let her know that you know you messed up and lost out on something great. Maybe she will give you a second chance. I think everyone deserves a second chance, but then again, I am not the one involved here. I just hope for you that she believes in second chances as well.

[Oddjob]

Ok a response......nice.

 

Yes i have made it clear that i am terribly sorry for what had happened with me having the feelings for the other girl.

 

Yes the ball is in her court now i guess, theres nothing more i could do to help my case but sit and wait.

 

Is a nice dellivery of flowers a bad idea?

[baby_innocence]

dont give up on her. if you really have strong feelings for her, i suggest you do something for her. surprise her with something that'll prove your feelings. sometimes to girls, words arent enough to say how you feel. take her to a nearby park, and slow dance with her. just the two of you, tell her how much you love her, and how much you want her back in your life. she probably isnt sure about anything because when she was with you, you had broken things up with her for your other ex, and if i was her, i'd be a little hesitant on getting back together too. take her out, and it might sound corny, but do something romantic ... instead of the really long letter to say how much you feel, do it in actions ... words can say a million things, but actions show a million more.

[Oddjob]

Ok i appreciate all of your responses to my problem i have myself in here, it is really tough for me.

 

Last night she was at a barbeque at my house being that i live with her brother and sisters boyfriend. After most of the party left we went in her car and spoke for a while. I wound up crying to her some..........ive never cried for a woman before, i wiped my tears with her hand....it was quite a movie moment.

 

Its still kinda up in the air of whats going to happen, i think i have a shot at her again. This girl has always had "barriers" up i guess from previous relationships and she has a hard time talking about her thoughts and emotions, most of the time im doing the talking.

 

I wrote her a small letter this morning and im going to put it in an envelope with rose petals. The rose petals representing my broken heart i have for her. Im going to go to her work and put this on her windshield, she'll get it, she has a secure parking lot.

 

Hopefully ill get what i want, say a prayer for me.

[Suavo]

She obviously wants space- give it to her. In fact, stop contacting her WHATSOEVER. She'll eventually CONTACT you out of curiosity why you're busy and a sense of loss that she doesn't have someone to fall back to. Go out, find new hobbies, make new friends, and have LOTS OF FUN. Go make life enjoyable again. Remember how you were before you two dated? Good. I'm not telling you to forget her, but to tell you that you should make yourself happy at all times so she may be attracted to you. Another thing, STOP TELLING HER THAT YOU LOVE HER. Obviously, it doesn't work so just STOP. Stop crying/begging because all it does is PRESSURE her to death and of course, she'll think of you as a sad loser, which you aren't! She's obviously will be at a lost when you start loving yourself once again!

 

Everything you've been doing now doesn't work, obviously. So NOW, it's time for you to do everything opposite you don't want to do. Which is to stop loving her for the time being. Continue dating. Accept friendship with her, tell her you understand she broke up with you, always agree with her, and keep consversations MINIMUM but enjoyable. Make yourself look like you're in control so, always be the one to end it and only make it so that she contacts you. Oh yes, and show her why she'd love you.

[Oddjob]

Ok well i delivered the package that i described above a little while ago............now its a waiting game. Ive done everything in my powers to show her my feelings, now its her turn. Im not calling, sending text messages or any other means of contact anymore. If she decides she wants to give me a second chance.....great! If not, then at least i know that i tried and i could have a peace of heart about it and it would be her loss.

 

Not to sound conceited but i dont have a problem finding women but this is the girl i want. Also i have never been rejected by a woman that i truly care for, im not used to this and im having a hard time coping with it. She tells me she still likes me and has strong feelings for me.....so whats the big problem with her? Im just lost.

 

I just hope she doesnt wait too long to make up her mind about this because i could have a new woman more sooner than later.

[Oddjob]

Well im sure she got my "package" today, no call or anything though.

 

Pretty depressing.

[Oddjob]

Well just when things take a turn for the worse for me, a glimmer of sunshine appears over the horizon.

 

I work at a private golf course and we hired a new "shop-girl" about 2 weeks ago. Since shes been working there ive been too wrapped up in my other "relationship" stuff i didnt really notice this girl. We spoke a few times being she only works 2 days a week, kinda getting to know each other...but not really.

 

Anyways as shes leaving work today she asks me if i wanted to come over their place (she has a roomate) and smoke some pot and have a few beers. Well we wind up living about 10 minutes from each other, i go over there drink...smoke and actually have some good conversation with this chick. Well we both have the day off tomorrow and if its nice out we will go down to the beach together...weird.

 

Im single for not very long.....stressin about my ex the last few weeks and this random chick steps in my path, kinda strange. I realized tonight that there are plenty available, beautiful ladies in the sea and i shouldnt be stressin so hard over this ex, if she wants me back, great...if not then its her loss.

 

Im going to journalize my love life in this thread so stay tuned, ill let you all know what happens tomorrow if we hang out.

[Oddjob]

Hopefully i can be an inspiration to all who are stressing about a EX, im kinda inspiring myself nowadays.

 

Well the beach thing never happened, she called up at about 2 pm and said she had shit to do but told me she wanted to go have a few drinks later on.

 

So phone rings at about 630, lets go drink. We meet up and immediately get into conversation, basically letting each other know our life stories. Her housemate works at this place where we went for drinks, they had plans to go out tonight but we decided we would hang out further into the night. The plan was for her and housemate to go back to her place for a hot minute while she tells her housemate she was going to my house, she didnt want to be rude there and say she wasnt chillin with her.

 

Well now im sitting around, and no call........cell phone difficulties, im getting her messages but my phone isnt ringing, AT&T sucks....both of our phones arent working tonight...what an opportune time.

 

Basically i totally hit it off with this girl and 3 days ago i was crying myself to sleep about my EX who wont talk to me. Life goes on people.....ill keep you all posted on how i do with this new stuff.

[Mar]

Well, you've made it pretty clear that the ex you were SOOOO stressed about and wanting back so badly isn't quite as important now that there's someone new in your life. WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT?? You can't have it all.....either you truly love your ex (which I'm doubting at this point, since you forgot about her pretty quick when this new chick came along) or you don't. If you don't, and if your head can be turned that easily by someone new, that's not wrong, but LET THE EX GO. You can't have your cake and eat it too, doesn't work that way and it's not fair to either of those women OR you.

[Oddjob]

Ok response ^^^^^

 

This girl NEVER answers my calls, and never calls me back....what am i supposed to do sit here and wait for her to come around? I value my time very much so and i cant sit around waiting like this.

 

She actually called my phone today and i missed the call like a dumbass, she left no message so i dont know why shes calling. Either to tell me not to call her anymore and we are done or maybe we can talk again. I dunno. I called her back 30 minutes after the missed call and no answer.

 

I am totally engrossed with this girl, and i want her back very much so, but i can only sit around and wait for only so long.

[Oddjob]

Well a few minutes after my last post she called again.

 

I asked her why did she call? She said....I dont know.

 

She tells me that she doesnt want to start anything right now with me, then a minute later she says she doesnt know what she wants to do.

 

She says...." i want to tell you my feelings for you but i dont think you deserve to hear them"

 

This girl obviously has feelings for me but i hurt her pretty bad. This is going to take quite an effort from me to get it back on track. But then, do i start dating again? or just keep my focus on her?

 

Do i go and buy some expensive piece of jewelery for her as a symbol of my feelings for her? She likes jewelery but not the run of the mill girly stuff. What should i do?

[Oddjob]

Well i alsdo forgot to add in that she said i can call her monday (tomorrow) and "maybe" we could hang out for the day.

 

Should i go out and get this girl something as a symbol of my love and caring for her? If so....what should i get?

[Ccian]

NOOOOOOOOOOOO, dont buy her anything. If she calls she calls and if not dont call her she likes you. U buy her something ur conqured. She is not your GF so dont buy her a thing. Let this work its way out, dont chase dont call and dont spend a dime until she is your gf. Buying her something looks like your trying to buy her. Any woman who gets back with your for buying her something, u dont want her in your life.

[Oddjob]

Ok, no buying then.

 

This girl is just so beautiful and good i couldnt ever stand seeing her with anyone else. I can guarantee that i would never find anything of this caliber again.

 

This girl is very picky and not at all into "hooking-up" randomly thing....i know these things as facts. So i know im in her head and shes debating whether or not to give me another shot, i talk to the same people she talks to about this stuff...thats how i know.

 

I just need something to push her over the top with me. I need suggestions from all who read this.

[Oddjob]

Well I thought I would give you all a update after the couple of months that have past since my last post.....

 

Me and the girl I had all these posts about got back into a relationship.....it was good and exciting for about a week and a half. I found myself not very happy with her...it just wasnt the same. She saw how I was and broke the relationship off.....i was very hurt, I tried to fight through my unhappiness but it showed on my face and my actions around her.

 

We spoke a few weeks later and she tells me that shes seeing someone new, that was when I knew i would never want her again. Now another month passes and I see her out at the club last night (halloween)...I guess thats why im posting here because im quite upset today.

 

Last night I did manage to get a phone number from a hottie so maybe tomorrow ill give this new girl a call.

 

After these months of not being together with her I still find myself thinking about her everyday and I am still very hurt. I have found myself going to work and coming home and not really wanting to see/talk anyone that much, ill go out with friends drinking once every week or two and thats about it.

 

Every day gets better for me, but some days I get set back and put into a mini depression.

 

I just try to keep my head up, its tough after losing 2 women you care about very much in a one year span because of MY ACTIONS. I take all this as a learning experience and maybe next time I wont take things for granted and treat the people i care about in a better way.

 

If theres any single ladies in long island send me a AIM instant message, im 25, i have a good job, im good looking...im looking for Ms. Right, maybe your her!