"I lose interest once i know a girl likes me"

[xcountryprincess]

So there's this guy that i'm around sometimes because he's a good friend of one of my best friends. We all hang out together sometimes and i usually playfully flirt with him. At least i think it's flirting, and i think he flirts back. We do a lot of that playful being mean thing.

 

Anyways i'm usually just myself around him as i didn't really used to think of him as a potential date. We're all talking about dating and stuff, i mention that the guys i like don't really like me, and the guys that like me i'm not really ever into. He says, once he finds out that a girl likes him he normally loses interest in her.

 

What exactly does this say about a guy?

He likes the chase more than anything else? He has had girlfriends before which i guess means that this isn't always true.

 

Anyway, i asked him to this formal event that i have going on and he said yeah he'd come, there wasn't any hesitation he said "yeah!" like immediately. Before i asked he was really flirtatious. But then after he wasn't so much he didn't really talk to me much at all in the group (there were 4 of us). The next day i also saw him we were with a big group of people and he barely talked to me. What's with him? Does he now think i like him so he's not into the flirting anymore.

 

I can't figure out if when we are doing what i think is flirting (there is solid eye contact during these moments of playful fighting) he is actually flirting with me, or just being friendly. Also he could just be flirting for flirting's sake, not necessarily because he likes me.

 

Either way, do you think he does like me thats why he went kind of cold when i guess i showed interest? What does his little philosophy about losing interest once he knows a girl likes him say about him? (i'd especially like guys input on that question) Is he worth going after as i'm pretty sure i'd have to lure him with games which i don't think are necessary if he's really into me.

 

p.s. He's been able to get lots of girls in the past as in hook ups, he's not into that anymore though. So i mean i'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing, he knows how to "work it" with girls.

[Dako]

It's all about him, his attractiveness and his skill at manipulating women.

Seems like a real catch.

[sparkly]

I know exactly what you are going through because i am in the same situation at the moment. I don't understand it either and it's driving me crazy too. I think he's leading you on and you should just stay as far away as possible. It really depends on if he's a shy guy or an outgoing guy. If he's outgoing then him off. If he's not then ask him whats going on. If only i would take my own advice but i'm in too deep. Hope i helped. let us know how things go.

[Jayar]

It sounds like he was being honest, telling you upfront that he was going to lose interest in you if you wanted to kick things up a notch... Then it looks like that's exactly what happened. Things like this shouldn't drive you crazy.

 

In the future, when a guy basically says to your face "don't like me because if you do you'll get disappointed"... Take his advice.

[Scout]

I agree with Jayar. The guy is practically handing you a roadmap into what you can expect if you set your hat on him.

 

The truth is, there are both guys and gals who thrive on the chase, the initial courtship...and then lose interest when it comes time to actually developing a deeper connection with the object of their interest. I like to think as they grow older, they will grow out of that, but for some, it's a lifelong pattern. And when they're older, they don't look so much like suave players anymore so much as they look sadly emotionally immature.

 

At any rate, it's not your job to change them or to be the one that "makes them see the light." First, you probably won't accomplish this, and second, with all the emotionally available and good people out there...why would you want to pass over them and instead fixate on someone you likely don't have a chance with?

 

I know, I know...because it's a "Challenge" and if you "Win" it's a great boost to the ego. But since the odds are overwhelmingly NOT in your favor, it's a pie in the sky fantasy that you will be wasting a lot of time on. Unfortunately, too many people know this anyway and still pursue something that they "wish" would be, instead of enjoying a relationship with someone else where it's actually like the way they wish it would be with the unattainable person.

[xcountryprincess]

Thanks everyone, he seems like a really nice guy but all this on again off again crap really made me wonder what was going on with him. What you've said has made sense, i won't waste my time with him if anything he'll be a friend, but i'll make sure not to fall into his stupid gaming trap. Thanks again.

[sparkly]

Good for you. i'm glad to hear that. you seem like an intelligent girl and you deserve better than him .

[Survictor]

Can a guy who manipulates women ever be her friend, I wonder? I don't think so.

[Scout]

Yes, CP, you sound like you have some basic self-respect there, so definitely pass this guy over. I also agree with Survictor's basic premise above, although I would say from a general point of view, how can you be real friends with anyone who never even gets to the "forging an actual connection" part of his relationships.

[xcountryprincess]

Survictor and Scout you make great points. He really doesn't seem like that awful of a guy though, i've been around him for over a year or so, so i've seen him interact with people. He used to be a into promiscious girls (he admits himself) as i've mentioned before however now is repulsed by the idea of being with a girl that sleeps around. I'm in no way standing up for him or his dating mantra i just didn't want to portray him as this terrible guy.

 

True, it's recently that we've actively been "flirting" so i haven't seen this hot and cold side of him before. I know he's had girlfriends before so obviously he can be with someone once he knows they like him. However, i don't know if these were some of the more promiscious girls he's mentioned.

 

Either way, i'm pretty sure he can be a good friend, he's great with my best girl-friend that i mentioned, i've just never been able to really get to the point where i could call him up and have a conversation on the phone with him. Right now he's more of an aquaintance i guess you'd say. I'll see where things go. Normally when there's a guy i'm semi-attracted to and i get a vibe he's slightly interested i feel like broadcasting it to the world (it never works out with them, i'm not lucky with guys). With this guy i didn't, so i thought something may be different.

 

I can't actually go to the event anymore so if i don't see him soon i'll have to call him and let him know he's "off the hook." (Though we've never talked on the phone i have his number, he doesn't have mine though)

 

We'll see where things go with him. I'll be myself (as i wasn't quite my quirky, fun self when i asked him to the formal event as i was pretty nervous) an be careful.

 

Thanks for all your advice!