Advice on Losing my Virginity

[Wild_Orchid]

My boyfriend and I have been dating about 9 months now, and we came really close to having sex the other day(I am 16). Since then, Ive really started thinking that I want to have sex with him within the next month or so. But losing my virginity is an extremely big deal to me and I want to (a) make sure I am ready and (b) get some advice on the best way to lose my virginity.

-What are some romantic/special places for us to have sex?

-Is there anything you wish you did that you could suggest?

-Any tips for before/after the act?

-Any ways to make the atmosphere more special?

Any advice you can give would be helpful. This is a really big deal to me and I just need some big brother/ big sisterly advice right now...

[Caterina]

Are you in love with him? Is he in love with you? What would your parents think? Use protection.

[Wild_Orchid]

I know we love each other, and my parents love him, but in the end, I want it to be my decision, not my parents.

[Maverick32x]

Don't expect your first time to be anything... err.... 'special'... think "awkward"......

[laboheme]

I would make sure that the location is comfortable for both of you...Like Maverick said, it will most likely be quite awkward, so you don't want to be in a place where the location adds to the anxiety. There will be plenty of time for experimentation and exotic locations later. Make sure you have plenty of time, too.

 

As far as the atmosphere, you could always go with the old dim lighting and candles routine -- cliche, but it works.

 

And...don't try to plan ahead too much. It's good that you value your virginity and don't want to rush into things, but do leave some room for spontaneity. Things should happen naturally. If you try to plan everything out, you run the risk of making things too textbook-like, and thus adding to the awkwardness...

[Batya33]

Make sure that you use a condom with spermicide and, preferably, that you also are on the pill. make sure he has been with no one but you for the last 6 months and has been recently tested for STDs.

 

the first time likely will be a bit awkward - don't get your expectations up.

 

As far as place - I would have it be either in a place with which you're familiar or feel comfortable or in a nice country inn type place.

 

If this is a really big deal to you (as it was for me - I wanted to at your age, my mother talked me out of it - thanks mom! - and I waited until I was 24), I would say wait at least 3-4 more years or until you're engaged or almost engaged if that comes sooner.

 

I will say that after all was said and done - it wasn't such a big deal and it took several times of "doing it" before i was like "oh, THAT'S what it's supposed to be like/feel like!"

 

If I could re-do I would not have done it in my boyfriend's parent's basement on the morning of superbowl sunday after we had a big fight. Especially since the bathroom was upstairs and I had to face his mother right after . . . . I had been planning on it anyway and we actually had broken up once a month earlier because I refused. We had been dating over a year. We are still in touch as friends.

[quietgrl]

Batya33 quote:

"I would say wait at least 3-4 more years "

 

I totally agree on that comment.

[Wild_Orchid]

But I really feel like I am ready to. It feels like this is the right time. I realize it will be a bit awkward, but I just want to make it the best possible experience. i only have one chance at this, so i want to make sure its the best it can be.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

Don't expect your first time to be anything... err.... 'special'... think "awkward"......

 

Hahaha! That was a great piece of advice . . . I'm being serious.

 

A message to the original poster:

Sometimes, the more you plan it/set the stage, the WORSE it turns out.

[MythicDawn]

If you have any doubts at all... Dont go through with it, you have your whole life it's better to put it off than end up regretting... Like me...

[finewhine]

Don't let others instill doubt in you when you feel sure that you're ready.

 

That said, listen to Batya about being safe. Get on some form of birth control like the pill or the patch and use a condom AND spermicide. Can't be too careful until you know what you're doing!

 

My first time was pretty bad. You know, I would say that none of my girlfriends had a tremendous first time. You bleed. It usually hurts.

Instead of looking at your first time as some sort of special, wonderful experience, I would look at it as a hurdle to get over, a practice run.

 

What's special and wonderful is that you're entering into the world of adult sexuality and you finally feel secure enough to go there with someone you love.

 

I hate to say it, but no matter how lousy the circumstances of your first time are (unless you're forced or they're totally traumatic in some other way), it won't have much bearing on the rest of your sex life. My first time was, as I said, pretty lousy. Do I regret it? Heck no. Can I enjoy sex now, ten years later? Heck, yes. I even learned to enjoy sex with my first boyfriend, eventually.

 

If the specialness and wonderfulness of the experience itself is what you're after, those other posters are saying something valuable to you: wait.

 

And another thing: talk to your girlfriends who have already had sex, will you? Please? Their advice and input is far more valuable than anything you'll get here.

[nomoretears4uboo]

Well, I had sex with my first serious bf ever. and It was a month before I turned 19. I made a promise to myself that I would not have sex while I was in High School, because I didnt wanna be another pregnant girl in HS.We went to mammoth and it was just us to. And we kinda had planned it. He wasn't a virgin only I was. let me tell you my first time SUCKED!! It was like over in seriously one minute? Or what seemed less to me. I seriously thought that's sex? THAT'S THE BIG DEAL?? And it could've been because, he hadn't had sex in a long time. But, it just sucked. We did use condoms. Because, you need to be safe. How old if your bf? Is he virgin? I would say, instead of sex you should try other sexual things first. And if you can't handle that and you dont feel right then you know you there's not way you're ready for sex. But, honestly wait a few weeks.... months.... and see if you still want to. meanwhile get him some porn.

[silky88]

i would say to definitely don't put TOO MUCH emphasis on preparation and "this is how and where we're going to do it."

 

it's going to be awkward no matter what, but since you've already decided you want to do it, wait for a time when you are already fooling around and can be ABSOLUTELY sure of no interruption, and let things progress naturally. just let him know in the moment that it's fine to go "all the way." it will be better that way.

 

make sure there's plenty of foreplay; a guy about to "get some" with a girl for the first time has been known to rush things, that's part of the reason why you should just sort of let him know in the moment when you've gotten to that point.

 

i'd suggest getting on the pill now (many clinics provide free pills and confidential services to girls under the age of 18) since can take a month for the pill to become effective. also, start carrying condoms in your purse -- it's a safer and more reliable place than his wallet or his pocket. that way, when the time comes, you'll be prepared and protected, and you can proceed naturally, without worry or feeling like you had to plan the moment out like a school play.

 

and ps. expect for it to hurt, even if you don't bleed. it hurt me for the first 3 times -- and my first guy wasn't even that big.