its hard to be more...agressive

[JustYourAverageGirl]

when it comes to relationships...im not aggressive...at all. I have no problem being aggressive with people i dont like, i'll tell them what i think and why i dont like them. but other then that im very shy...its hard for me to say whats on my mind or what im feeling or why im feeling. i let my friends push me around and i dont tell them that it bothers me. some things that my boyfriend does bothers me but i hold it in, i dont say anything about it. im just like, "oh ok" *acts happy* but im tired of that, i've tried being more open and assertive but it doesnt work. so blah i guess i just had to write all this down

[robowarrior]

Well writing it down was a good first step into not making your heart a murder hole. You shouldn't have a leaf for your mouth, and stand up for yourself and insist your opinion on other people there where necessary.

[TheRedQueen]

It sounds like you can use a bit of a self-esteem boost.

 

Being passive to the point of "acting happy", when in fact you're actually hurt, or bothered is not a good sign. If accessible to you, therapy would be a good thing, and perhaps it would help you realize that you are a lot more than "JustYourAverageGirl".

[xLDx]

It's not like you're physically incapable of being assertive or anything. You've proven that by saying it's easy to do to people you don't like. What your issue is, I think, is that by speaking your mind you might be risking your personal relationship with that individual. Well, you know what, you're risking your own sanity by putting up with their attitudes towards you.

 

I think by acting like nothing bothers you, you're inviting people to poke fun at you, BUT, they don't think they're doing any harm, because to them "it's all in good fun". If they DO think they're doing harm, then they shouldn't even deserve the time of day from you.

 

There's a nice way to tell people if something bothers you without screaming it in their faces. If someone hurts you, then act what you feel. Don't bottle up, because then it drives you crazy. I assure you, if they realize what they did hurt you, they'll be sympathetic. At least if they're true friends. If they just shrug it off, then you'll know that they aren't genuine for sure.

 

When your friends ask you what's wrong, just simply tell them what they did to hurt you. They'll remember that, or at least I hope they will, and will at least probably make an attempt to avoid doing it to you in the future.

 

You have no reason to be a push over, and don't be afraid of these kinds of confrontations. They aren't bad, they're necessary.

 

Good luck in the future, and if you need any more insight, anyone else here will be willing to offer you their opinions to help you get through this, and anything else you have problems with.

[JustYourAverageGirl]

i've tried voicing my feelings towards my friends when they upset/sad/hurt me, but..i dont kno, its just hard for me...i feel like im putting myself out there and showing my "weakness"

[xLDx]

It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes...

 

I'm not sure what image you're trying to uphold, but I think it might be taking a toll on you emotionally. If by putting yourself out there emotionally doesn't get you the satisfaction that you need from your friends, then I'm not sure what to say. The ol' "get new friends" is kind of unrealistic. You make friends because of who you are and the way you interact in your environment.

 

You just have to let them know you're hurting when you are. Ditch the tough girl attitude for times like these, because bottling up emotions can be extremely detrimental. If you need to sit down and talk, or to tell people how you feel, that's what you need to do. It shows more toughness and more bravery to be able to do that. It takes guts to stand up for yourself. More guts than it takes to stand up for other people, because it's your feelings that are on the line here.

 

I'm not saying this will cure you instantly, I'm just trying to help you make baby steps, because the more you become comfortable with expressing yourself, the more natural it will be for you.

 

It's alright to open your heart sometimes to people you consider friends and that you trust. If they take it negatively, you have to really ask yourself if these friends are very true, and especially in a relationship level. If your boyfriend can't even listen to you when you're hurting, he's definitely not satisfying your best interests, so you should consider that as well.

[JustYourAverageGirl]

well i spoke up for myself to my boyfriend and told him what was bothering me...well actually he brought it up, he asked why i was being so distant and we got talking and yeah, hopefully things change, oh and i stood up to my sister. which i never do. she made me extremely mad so i told her off. and it shut her up lol

[xLDx]

I'm so glad and proud for you that you've been able to take even the smallest steps to bettering yourself in your own eyes, and putting yourself in a position where others can respect you for voicing your feelings.

 

I've also noticed you've been active in advising others on this forum, and helping them deal with their problems. This expression of your opinions, and having them be accepted by those you're expressing them to, will help you realize that what you have to say DOES matter, and DOES make a difference.

 

Keep up the progress! You're doing fine.

[charley]

I don't think aggressive is a good thing in this context. Passive is not good either and it's clearly not working for you. Assertive is what you need to be.

 

Assertive is neutral between aggressive and passive. Assertive people don't give any crud and they don't take any either.

 

How to get there? I think RedQueen's advice is good and you should follow it.

 

It also sounds like you're making progress on your own. Self help can work too. Aim for assertive, not aggressive. Good job!

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Glad your sticking up for yourself a bit! I know how you feel its hard for me to voice my feelings as well. I hate putting myself on the line cuz you can get hurt so easily. So i do know how you feel. So i hope you keep on standing up to the people you love cuz then you'll get the respect you deserve.