Need Some Advice- this girl

[HugeHeart]

About 3 weeks ago I met a woman. We began talking on the phone, meeting after class (we met at college- but we're both in our late 20s), and spending a lot of time together.

 

This past week, I've been going over to her apartment..and thought the time was right to try to kiss her. She wouldn't let me. So about two days later I was over her apartment and tried once again. She wouldn't let me again.. and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to "go to the next level" because she was afraid it would affect her school work. However, while I was there she put her legs on top of me on the couch as I massaged her feet and caressed her arms.

 

Anyway, as I was leaving (I figured I had failed with her) she gives me this hug, and puts her head into my chest and gives me a quick half kiss.. she held me tightly for a while. Then she tells me that she is glad that I was there that night..

 

What do you guys think? I really like this person, but I don't know if I should continue to persue this. It seems that maybe I'm being a bit too aggressive as far as trying to kiss her, but I dunno if that's really the case.

 

I'd appreciate any advice

[sinas777]

She's playing games. She wants you to REALLY want her. And she gets a kick out of turning you down. It's the control factor. If you want to play the game too and win, just lay back and don't try to make any moves. She will get frustrated and either tell you to make a move or make a move herself.

[Moore]

I like to think that she is not doing this deliberately to you. Some people can seem to be very affectionate towards their friends and not want anything more then just friends. The fact of the matter is that you have made your intentions known and thats all you can really do. The ball is in her court now. You got to let her decide where the relationship heads next. In the meantime have fun being her friend. If you dont expect to much from the relationship right now you will find you will enjoy yourself more.

 

Good luck

[what do i do]

I think she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. Stop, showing her that you are always there and she will come around.

[valenski]

Dude,

You cant blame a girl for playing it safe, all you need to do is have some patience. Maybe she just likes it slow and easy or she is shy but I dont think she is playing you.

[Sandi]

Persevere, but don't push your luck. If she's saying no then let it go and don't keep trying. Spend time with her and still hug her and be affectionate but let her make the first move. If she's really keen then seeing you respecting her wishes will drive her mad

[atraceofblood]

have you talked to her about this?

[Yates33]

Its eithe two things:

 

One she is messing with your head.

 

Two, she never had the intention of being with you and just sees you as a friend....souinds like she finds comfort in you.

[HugeHeart]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone.

 

I think I'm just going to ease up a bit (a lot actually).

 

I'll stop calling her and see what happens. The next time I see her will be this Tuesday in school- if she hasn't called me before then, then I think I will have my answer.

 

Though I must admit, I really do like this girl.

 

-HH

[pinkelephant]

Don't do that!

 

 

some girls actually like to take things slow and not jump to bed with every other guy they happen to like.

i dont think that shes playing games with your head. she seems to really like you & trying to take things slow. she mightve had a bad past.

[HugeHeart]

Don't do that!

 

 

she seems to really like you & trying to take things slow. she mightve had a bad past.

 

You know, this is a possibility. Damn, why does life have to be so complicated? So what you're suggesting is that I keep things the way they are (minus trying to kiss her) and see if she eventually comes around?

[HugeHeart]

Ok , so here's the latest from this ongoing "relationship"

 

She calls me at 7pm to say hello; I was a bit short with her, so she asked me if I was mad at her, to which I replied "No". Anyway I told her I had to go and hung up.

 

So she sends me a text message about 20 mins later:

 

"Do you want to come and sleep over with me tonight?"

 

So I'm thinking .. woah.. where did this come from. I call her and ask why she asked me this.. so she asked me what my answer was.. I told her "yes". Then she tells me that she wanted to know if I wanted to but that she doesn't want me to come over.. Are you kidding me? Then she goes in to this babble about her ex bf, blah blah blah. So I told her that she should work out her problems first and contact me at a future time.

 

Anyway, she starts asking me if Im mad.. upset.. I told her that I'm not (but I was a little hurt). So I told her I had to go and hung up on her. Then she calls back again ... geeze.. and then leaves me a text message.

 

What is going on here? Is this girl unstable, confused, or what? Why would someone ask you to come over to have sex and then take it back two minutes later?

[sinas777]

Hey man,

 

I'm telling you, she's playing games with you!

 

But let me tell you something, b/c I used to do that stuff when I was younger. After reading your last post, I realize what she's on.

 

First of all, she likes you. And probably a lot.

Second, she's really insecure. She has most likely been hurt in the past and thinks that acting this way will keep her from getting hurt again. The ball is in her court and she's struggling to keep it that way. But because she really likes you, she's afraid of losing it and getting hurt by you.

 

Decide if you really like this girl and want to be with her as in a relationship. If you don't know yet, then DON'T make any physical moves with her. Because if you do, then decide you don't really like her, you just liked the chase, then this will really mess her up and she will REALLY start to resent men if she already doesn't.

 

However, if you do really like her, you have to be really reassuring. You have to show that you really like her. Do things like compliment her, call her, spend time with her, but don't try to be physical with her, even if she wants to. This is very important! She likes you but if you get physical with her too early, this might make her even more insecure and you will have to reassure her even more.

 

She is the type of girl that when she falls, she falls hard, so don't mess with her head. She thinks she has to play games with you do you don't know how she really feels, but she really does genuinely like you. Don't act mean to her and cut her off when she acts like that, just be reassuring instead. Show her this side of you long enough and she will start to trust you.

 

She's not crazy, just really insecure. Please don't be mean to her or judge her, and don't cut her off or stop calling her. If you follow my advice, you guys will get along just fine! Keep us updated!

[Yates33]

Don't do that!

 

 

some girls actually like to take things slow and not jump to bed with every other guy they happen to like.

i dont think that shes playing games with your head. she seems to really like you & trying to take things slow. she mightve had a bad past.

 

not kissing him after three weeks of dating is not taking things slow....its obvious that something is wrong there....

[jilligirl]

She might be playing hard to get... trying to make you want her more.

 

Then again, it could be that she doesn't want to get involved-- but she can't seem to help it because she likes you. She could be stuck between what her brain is telling her (don't get involved) and what her heart (or horomones?) are telling her (I want this guy).

 

Either way, BACK OFF. You're only making yourself look like a fool. I can't believe you tried to kiss her again, 2 days after she rejected your first kiss! That's it-- if she "doesn't want to get involved," then don't try anything on her. See how she'll start to worry once you stop making attempts to get intimate with her.

[HugeHeart]

To one of the last posts: I haven't been dating her for three weeks; I met her three weeks ago- actually 17 days ago, but who's counting.

 

Ok here's what happened today:

 

I sent her a text message asking her how she was today etc.. She said she was being lazy.. then I was studying at school and sent her a text and asked her if she wanted to study with me (lol Im in my late 20s). So she responds "You just want me to give you the answers" Anyway, that was the last message/contact with her for the rest of the day. I called her once and just got her voicemail...

 

 

Now to answer some of the questions that were brought up.

 

I really like this girl a lot. Amazing, I feel so secure in everything else that I am doing, but not with this.

 

 

So I should not call her or contact her and see what happens? I was thinking about bringing a single rose to class on Tuesday morning. Do you think this is a bad idea? Should I really dial it down to not even calling her or speaking to her? I am second guessing every thought that I have. Obviously, she is one confused/insecure girl.

 

 

And if she's playing games.. it seems like its working- because now she has me wondering what I should do next.