little bit of an update...(little long) confused at times

[super_dave0001]

ok so last weekend i went to a club with my buddies, and who ends up at the same club? none other than my ex, which i havent seen since the break up which was about 2 months ago....she tried to come up to me to say hi, i was in the vip and she was not, i just brushed her off, the rest of the night holds no importance as we were both drunk, she tried to buy me a drink but that didnt go well, i danced with her breifly and she kissed me which she claims not to remember.... that being said, monday rolls around and she asked me if i wanted to go out for lunch, i dont know why but i agreed, it was pleasent, i kept her happy, made it a fun occasion, we grabed a coffee then went to the lakeshore, we sat on the rocks and held eachother, i than tried to kiss her and she pulled back and said no. about 5 minutes later she stood up, i got up and she hugged me, cried and said does this feel right? and i said i dont know, and she kissed me and we held eachother then i took her home.

 

tuesday comes around and i drove her to school and picked her up aswell, we grabed a bite to eat again,and then i was going to take her home, but she asked me if i needed to go home, i said no and she said she didnt have to be home for another 2 or 3 hours so i drove to the lake again, a different part this time, we stood under a gazebo and again held eachother keeping eachother warm. our foreheads were against eachothers and our noses touching, we kissed eachother again. it was a nice moment i drove her home..she sent me msgs that night saying that maybe were moving to fast and should slow things down...

 

now yesterday being thursday i picked her up from school again, this is the third time in one week where i spent time with her being away from eachother for 2 months... anyways, we grabed some food at the mall and did some shopping cause i needed some new clothes. we left and she wanted to go to the lake again. so i went we parked the car and talked, hugged and kissed again... she started crying and i was like ok? i asked her what was wrong and she said she didnt want me to get the wrong impression of us getting back together. she doesnt want to, she doesnt want to be with anyone at the moment. i wont lie, it did upset me...

 

we continued to talk about things. i said i understand that shes scared and doesnt trust me because i was never there for her, and she feels that id slip into the same routine. she said to me that she still loves me greatly and cares for me and always will, but theres something missing, she doesnt know what it is, and thats why she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me or anyone. she also told me she doesnt expect me to wait for her. we did a lot of crying and i eventually took her home... i havent really talked to her much since that point

 

its not that i will or wont wait for her, its the fact that knowing i love her so much unconditionally and shes confused on what she wants in her life. the other thing that gets me is knowing that i had her, and i let it slip out of reach, i told myself if we get back together ill never let that happen again.

i can see her and i being together forever, as crazy as it may sound. ive become a stronger person in these 2 months, learned a lot aswell.

 

something inside me tells me if i can show her that i changed myself, better myself back to what i was when we first met and wont fall into the old person that i was at the end of the relationship then we will get back together... maybe im just crazy??

 

any thoughts from you guys and gals are much appreciated.... my head right now is on overload full of doubts and questions

[ironpumper]

Hey Dave...I'm new here, and have been reading your posts quite diligently. You are a wise fella and have helped me more than you know. BUT it looks to me like you're running into the exact problem I have.

 

The girl I love is also 'unsure' of what she wants-BUT I'm sure of what I want. It's unconditional love, a never ending once in a lifetime love, something that haunts me everyday.Unfortunately I started reading your posts too late and wore my heart on my sleeve, scared her to death, which led me to want to fix things, and the more I tried to FIX things, the worse it got. Years pass, the love is STILL there, I'm not so sure that it's one-sided, although she says she's 'too busy' for anything, I believe it's just an excuse, because she sees the love I have for her and it scares her.

Could this be the case with you? A person looks at someone they love, and there's a silent 'communication'. We ( my girl and I) are extremely proficient at this, as she works at a Gamestore and never has time for conversation.She'll hold my gaze for 10-12 seconds sometimes. Sometimes her eyes 'smile'-You'll know what I mean- If we do get alone ( she smokes and I go outside with her sometimes)she rarely looks in my eyes, and I know it's because she'll see my heart. I believe this may be what you're going through also.

 

I have no answers. I'm trying the NC thing, as I have in the past, but broke several times. It's extremely hard, more so than anything I've ever tried in my life. But when you KNOW, you KNOW without a shadow of doubt. You feel like you're 'home' with her, and don't ever want to be anywhere else. You fall in love everytime you see her. She literally takes your breath away.

Sounds like some fantasy or obsession? nah, sometimes it's just love...........

[heloladies21]

something inside me tells me if i can show her that i changed myself, better myself back to what i was when we first met and wont fall into the old person that i was at the end of the relationship then we will get back together... maybe im just crazy??

Has nothing to do with it. You didn't change as much as you think so you're misidentifying the reasons for your break up. You can try to "change" back (this isn't even possible anyways as you can't change who you are), but it's not gonna work. She knows exactly what you're all about and she does not want to be in a relationship with you right now. And no matter what she says, you have no reason to believe that she's gonna change her mind in the future, and no amount of NC, psychological games, or waiting for her to make up her mind (which she never will, unless it is to dump you for good) is going to change that.

 

I know it's tough, but it's final answer time. Either she's with you, or she's not. And if she's not then you're moving on.

[super_dave0001]

when i say change i dont mean change myself into something im not, because i no that doing something like that just makes you back fire. what i ment by that was when i first met my ex, i was fun, spontanious, romantic and so on.... over time i eventually hit a comfort zone and became lazy, and slacked off on the relationship as a whole, hense the reason why she told me she felt like i wasnt there for her.... she had a bf, but didnt have a bf at the same time, and me not being there for her like i was in the beginning made her loose her trust in me.

 

so i see it as this. if i can show her that ive learned from that mistake of becoming lazy and hiting a comfort zone, and that i dont want to fall back into that then things can work out and we can be together again, since we both love and care for eachother.... and when she says something is missing i think that its the fact that i wasnt there for her