Holding on

[pacopaco]

Hi all,

 

I haven't posted here in a couple of months, and I'm here to vent, and maybe ask a question. A little background: I was cheated on by my live in girlfriend of 7 years in Februaury. She had an affair with her boss.

All this year, she has not left me alone. I have asked her to stop, but she's relentless. Now I don't want her back, and I'm doinf very well in my healing. very very well, I think. The problem is this.

Last year, we bought a brand new Scion Breadbox, you know the ones. we bought it in December. Two months later in Februaury, she cheated. The car is a bad reminder to me, as I didn't get to ride around in it and fun with her. she probably was riding him around in it and having fun. To me the purchase of the car was a small step into a great future we were going to have together, small, but still significant.

All this year, I've been asking her to refinance the car to her name. I am the primamry owner and she is the secondary. She hasn't done it. I asked her why, and she said it makes her sad, that because we bought it together, it really bumms her out. She knows she needs to do it, she says, but it's very sad for her. i told her that the very reason she wants to hold on, is the very same reason I want to let go. I don't want to be associated with her or the car. I feel she is being selfish, holding on to me this way. why do people hold on like this? She let me go in Februaury, why can't she let go now? I was forced to let go, and I did. why can't she do the same? is it a woman thing, a weak person thing, or a selfish thing?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Are you paying money on it (sorry, not from the US)? And if you are, do you have access to it?

 

Personally, I would write a formal letter to your ex and to the financial company, stating that you are no longer part of the agreement. Keep it formal and detached, and don't go down the emotional route with your ex. Sounds like it's the last link with you for her, so she's hanging on. It is selfish, I agree. I feel annoyed on your behalf! You need to get rid of this, because joint ownership is rubbish. Or else give up the car totally, you both sell it.

 

Good luck!

[pacopaco]

that's the thing. I can't just remove myself from the loan. it is a binding contract. it's for six years, and I want to move on now without having to worry that she can't make a payment or whatever. I am not paying for the car, she is. I just put the initial downpayment on it. a last link to me? why? at this point I feel like "who cares."

[L.J.]

Hi there,

Welcome back to ENA. Sorry to hear of the pain she inflicted by cheating on you.

 

I'm not sure if you are the primary owner to qualify for the loan when you guys bought the car. The reason she gave for the delay in transferring it to her name might be true, in that, she's selfish wanting to hold on to you. The same reason could also be an excuse if she doesn't have the credit rating to qualify for the refinancing on her own.

 

Either way, you should protect yourself from being hurt again. Her cheating on you is an indication that she's not a responsible person. The last thing you need is her ruining your credit rating if she doesn't pay her instalments in a timely manner. Even if that's not the case, your income versus loan ratio is still going to affect your credit.

 

By all means, it is not selfish to want to protect yourself.