Shoved back in the face

[Nick_t]

I really don't understand this life sometimes, but who does?

 

I feel rubbish at the moment, and this is a post to really ask for a big pick me up

 

My ex and I have been getting on so well at the moment (its been nearly 4 months since we split). We've been having lunch together, picked each other up when down/sad, admitted to eachother we don't want to lose each other as we still care alot for one another, always laughing, joking. This has all been happening not because we want to get back together as I know that is not going to happen but I thought was because we still really enjoy each others company and do care.

 

Its been really nice and we have both commented on how good it was. She has said that I am one of her best mates and one of the only people around she can talk to about anything.

 

Then last night we were both out and she was very drunk and I feel really hurt/used, and don't know what to do or think.

 

I didn't really speak to her all night, even bought her a drink earlier on. In the club I was chatting to this really pretty girl, after I had stopped she walked over and said "go on my son, get in", but I really sensed it was forced/put on. Then I saw her and asked if she was ok as it looked like she wasn't having such a great evening, and thought we could have a chat and she was ignoring me, I asked why she was ignoring me and she denied she was but kept walking away from me. I followed her to say what's up and she was getting more and more frustrated.

 

She then turned round and basically told me to leave her alone and its not my place to see if she's ok, she said we are no longer going out. To which I replied 'I know that but I thought I was one of your best mates so i'm seeing if you are ok'. She then told me to leave her alone because people are thinking that we are still going out and she doesn't want them too, so I said fine I will leave her for good. Then I saw her go to the toilet all upset.

 

Later on though she came up to me as if nothing had happened and asked why I gave her a angry face, to which I replied are you serious. When I explained why I was cross and upset she was laughing to herself, so I asked are you taking me seriously? She said no, I asked her again and she said no as if she didn't even care. I just walked off and went home, and now I feel very sad.

 

I know she was drunk, but I don't know what to do now? I know my best option is to get on with life and ignore her now, because if any other of my friends had done something like that I wouldn't really want to be thier friend.

 

I just need a real pick me up, because I don't know if she will remember any of it today. I just feel gutted because I thought it was going so well, and she was totally off with me last night and I don't know what I did wrong. She hates it when I laugh at her if we have a heated debate and she has just done it back to me and then said she wasn't taking me seriously at all.

 

Why is she doing this if we are getting on so well as friends?

[in_love]

jealousy maybe?

[Nick_t]

maybe?

 

But although we are no longer together (and I have accepted this) I would do anything for her, and I know she still does really care for me. So I said to her last night 'you know I care for you so why aren't I allowed to see if you are ok?'.

 

I don't understand out of the blue last night after the last previous weeks of getting on so well, she would act like this?

 

I feel really down because it just comes accross like she really didn't care last night.

 

It would be really appreciated if anyone can just pick me up and help me get my head straight with what all of this is about and what is going on, because i'm very confused.

 

Thanks

[papalazarou]

Probably a mixture of the alcohol and jealousy.

 

I feel that you two do need a proper discussion not just about last night but where do you both go from here.

 

I think its now time for some straight talking. Are you together or not? If not then can you deal with the friends thing if she decides to see someone else. It looks like she CANT as you were just chatting to a girl and she got all funny about it.

 

She said you are no longer going out? But you said you had been split for four months.

 

Pardon the expression but I think you both need to cut the BS and discuss the issues as to WHY you are not going to get back together. In the end you are BOTH stringing each other along when you could be getting on with things.

[in_love]

she came accross as she didnt care because thats what she probably wanted you to feel.

 

It's obvious man, she cares!

 

Maybe just back off a touch and let her cool off.

 

Here's a question, do you feel good remaining in contact with her, you know... as a friend?

 

This has all been happening not because we want to get back together as I know that is not going to happen but I thought was because we still really enjoy each others company and do care.

 

What do you want? do you want to get back with her? really.... do you now?

[Nick_t]

thanks guys for your input, all very helpful and interesting.

 

I am afraid that the straight talking would scare her off - as we have talked about it previously and she has said she just wants to be on her own right now, but then we have been getting on so well and doing stuff together.

 

I think I am going to back off and let her cool down, then she might realise what we have been doing recently is something she misses?

 

I feel sad because I feel really good remaining in contact with her because she still means alot to me. We went out for 2 years and did everything together, and she admitted the other day she never wants to lose me. So last night when she said she doesn't want people to think we are still going out, that's why I replied fine I will get out of your life then so people don't think that. That's when she walked off to the toilet, and a friend followed her. When she came back it looked as if nothing had happened and I was raving and ranting about her to a mate by the bar and I could see her looking over every now and again. She then got closer and thats when she came over and asked what my angry look was for?

 

I mean....WHAT?

 

I'm not sure if I want to get back with her - I miss the kissing, hugging, having a partner in crime bit, but I don't miss the outbursts like last night. But I do know I still love her which kills me because I can't do anything about it, because I have already tried and she knows how I feel.

 

The thing is I hope she does care because I was only asking if she was ok, and all of this happened. As we have been helping eachother through bad times recently and all of a sudden I ask this question and she replies 'it's not your position to see if i'm ok.... we are no longer going out so you don't need to help... etc' and my reply is 'but you've told me i'm one of your best mates, so why wouldn't I ask?'..... I really don't know whats going through her head?

 

I simply thought we were getting on fine, but this all came out when she was drunk so I'm not sure what she is thinking?

 

So like Papa said we should talk about it, but then does this come accross as needy, desperate or clingy? As she has given me her answers so many times before.

[Nick_t]

Thanks to everyone again for advice and support -

 

She sent me a text today at Lunch asking if I wanted to meet, and that she thought we should.

 

As I didn't respond straight away she went online and asked me if I had got her text.

 

I responded saying I did and that I was just replying to it - I said I was not around for lunch but was she around later, and if so does she want to talk then.

 

She said yes to both but asked if I was meeting up with my best mate from home, a friend of mine she really liked and had asked to see him if he popped up. I said yes and does she want to see him too.

 

She said yes if that was ok, and I replied yep but think we should talk first, to which she yeah sure, she was sorry for last night and a idiot, and she isn't going to out for a while.

 

I said then the 3 of us will go into town for something to eat or a drink or something, and she said that will be nice. We signed off by saying bye and I said I would give her a call later.

 

This is all very interesting. I've left it since then and will just be very civil when we meet and just say why I was confused by her actions.

 

I think she is very confused but i'm just looking at it as two friends falling out, nothing else.

 

I heard from my friend that after I left she left about 5-10 minutes later looking upset, then she initiated contact. Like I say interesting LOL

[majord23]

In a nutshell: She told you to go for the other girl because she wanted you to say: "No, don't be silly - I'm not interested in her".

 

On not getting the reply she wanted, she took it to the next level and acted annoyed/upset to get your attention and have you reassure her. This worked.

 

She was then happier and acted if she didn't care or nothing happened because she had achieved what she wanted.

 

This is all subconscious of course, and not malicious. She was jealous - that doesn't necesaarily mean that she wants you back but it could means that she doesn't feel comfortable with you moving on before her.

 

If you want her back, be nice to her by all means - but move on with your life and stop reacting to her attempts to get you to reassure her.

 

By moving on you will either get her back or...well,...move on. Either way you win.

[Nick_t]

Right I really am confused now!

 

She text me after work saying she couldn't make it tonight as she had a meeting and to send her love to my mate. I phoned and said no probs but would it still be ok to meet briefly to talk about last night. She asked if we could talk somewhere mutual as its not a good idea I go round hers all the time as people are asking if we are getting back together and she needs to move on. So I said fine i'll come round and we'll go somewhere mutual.

 

When i arrived i phoned her to say i was outside her house and she said what the hell I was doing there so i said i thought we were meeting to talk. She started going really mad and told me not to come into her house, that she was cooking and she couldn't talk tonight. She was being really aggressive saying she didn't want to speak to me or talk about anything and she never said come round. I finally went into her house and said what the hell is going on, and she said it has been nearly 5 months now and we still act like we are going out, we both need to move on. This coming from the same person who said the other day how she doesn't want to loose me, loves it how we get on so well etc etc

 

I just left it as fine, the friendship obviously doesn't mean anything to her and I have no idea what is going on and what i have done and walked out.

 

20 minutes she txt me saying 'sorry if I agreed to you coming round misconception i guess and i'm sad that we had to argue, have fun with (my mate) i'll text you after meeting to see if your still out x'.

 

WHAT????????

 

I didn't reply and she hasn't text me. I have been online all night and so has she and she hasn't initiated contact and neither have i.

 

Why is she acting like this? One moment we were getting on so well.... and now in a space of a day she has turned. She comes accross very confused and that she needs to be honest with herself with what she wants. In the mean time she is taking it out on me!!!

 

Please help

[Nick_t]

Right,

 

Now I really don't understand what is going on and I am just going to have to leave it even though it's playing on my mind.

 

She sent me a text after work saying she couldn't make tonight, she was sorry and to send my love to my mate.

 

So I phone her and ask if we can still meet up to talk about the night before, so she yes but not at her house as she doesn't want everyone to know i've been round her house as they think we are getting back together. So I said fine I'l come round and we will go somewhere neutral.

 

So I pop round before I have to meet my friend and I phone her when I am outside her house, when I tell her I am outside she goes crazy, starts saying why have I come round and that she was going to meet me somewhere neutral. I said but you agreed that we would talk, but she said no not tonight, she is cooking, then has a meeting then is studtying and tells me to go away.

 

So I said I will pop in for 5 mins and talk about it in person but she was telling me to go away, and that she doesn't want to talk to me.

 

HANG ON.... coming from what she said earlier that she did want to talk and she was looking forward to doing something with my mate and me.

 

So I go to the door and knock on the window and once again she tells me to go away, so I said what have I done wrong and walk away. She opens the front door and asks what I am doing, and said we agreed we would talk before I met my mate and she said she didn't want to, and turned round saying it has nearly been 4 months now and we are no longer together, we both have to move on and stop seeing eachother all the time.

 

link removed!!!! This coming from the girl who just the other day said she never wanted to lose me and how happy she was that we were getting on so well.

 

She went back into the kitchen as I wouldn't leave so I followed her in and said i'm not staying for long. I said it was all out of the blue, which she didn't agree with, and said i don't really know whats going on, and said the friendship obviously doesn't mean much. I left by saying I really have no idea what all of this is about and walked out.

 

20 minutes later she sends me this text: 'sorry if I agreed to you coming round misconception i guess and i'm sad we had to argue, have fun with (my mate) i'll text you after the meeting to see if your still out x'

 

I didn't replyand she never text in the end.

 

I mean what on earth is going on in her head??????????

 

One moment we are best mates and she is loving it, the next day I can't even comr into her house?

[Nick_t]

She is one for taking her anger out on those she has been or is close to, hence wht she didn't mind shouting at me and yelling at me to go away and that she won't speak to me.

 

I think she is very confused and needs to be honest with herself what she really wants. She obviously became very paranoid that people were starting to think we were getting back together so is having to false herself away from me.

 

I said to her I know its been nearly 4/5 months since the split, and if thats how you feel then you do need to move on, and she reacted badly to that by saying 'I...I need to move on...what?'. She also was saying stuff like 'I'm not the one who keeps on coming round to your house, your always round here to which I said ' I came round Saturday because you invited me, and on Tuesday I thought it would be a nice gesture to cook for you and *** (her housemate'). She said it was but we have to stop seeing eachother all the time.

 

She just flipped - any other time if I phoned and said I was outside the house, and she was cooking she would have invited me in and talked whilst she cooked, but all of a sudden I was outside and she was telling me to go away and she doesn't even want to speak to me!! Then after all of that goes and sends a text saying she was sad we had to argue and she will text me after her meeting??? I thought she didn't want to see me??

 

What I see happening:

 

Deep down I suppose I would want to get back with her

I don't want to lose her either if that means friends or as a girlfriend

I don't know if I can see us getting back together after all of this, but I know deep down she does with me but doesn't admit it.

 

Plus to be honest I'm trying my best to move on but its proving more difficult than I thought. But I reckon she sees how well I'm dealing with being friends with her and thinks i'm moving on.

 

I am so confused with her reactions!!!

 

As far as i'm concerned I didn't reply to her text, and will not bother anymore until she clears her head! Will ignore all contact.

 

That text she sent might have been because she felt guilty with what was said or how she reacted or again she was a little embarrassed and realised what she has done. Or she just wanted to see if I would text back, which I didn't thereforeeee she didn't. I'm getting out now before any games start!

 

Does she care? She said she was sad we had to argue, is that sad as in upset or sad as if to say it wasn't necessary.

 

Like I said I think she does not know what she wants and this outburst/change around in emotion is proof of this, as why else would she react this way?

[Nick_t]

Just a quick update -

 

On top of that text she sent a brief e-mail that same night. On the Wednesday I put in a good word for her for a job she applied for through an e-mail. It was a really nice e-mail. She replied to it saying:

 

'Nick... your a star....very sweet of you..... silly arguments are not worth it xx'

 

I didn't reply to it, then later that day I overtook her walking as she was chatting with mates, she would have noticed me as I walked right next to her, I didn't say anything, just kept my head down and kept walking, and I haven't and will not make contact for a while. If she has reacted like that then I will not make the effort at all, I will not continue what fun we have been having and maybe she might miss it, and regret the outburst.

 

A text and an e-mail surely says something on her path, that she possibly realised how she reacted was silly??

 

I don't know?

[WillieMcWillerson]

she is just freaking out about not being over you.... she still wants you back but is wrapped up in what others would think.... you are doing the right thing by giving her space.... try not to be confused, know that whatever happens she will come round and you will not lose her.... she is just angry about the other lady

[Nick_t]

Do you think so??? -

 

What I thought was she was freaking out because I was getting in the way. We were getting on so well for 2-3 weeks then all of a sudden people thought I was back on the scene and she doesn't want anyone to think that, because she wants people to think she is on the market. There have been like 2 blokes which she really liked but they both have pied her off.

 

I still haven't made any effort to contact her. Over the weekend we have both been online at the same time but neither of us has initiated contact. Do you think she has been waiting for me to initiate?

 

As I haven't and will continue to not make contact, or if I see her I'm just going to sort of smile and walk straight on, do you think she might wonder what is going on, if she hasn't already?

 

I'm doing this because not to get a reaction, and if she does ask why I have gone quiet or ignoring her I will say because 'you made it clear that you don't want people to think we are getting back together, so there is no point us hanging out or having fun together, as your obviously more worried what people think than what I thought was us getting on really well and just having fun'

 

Does anyone else think she is freaking out because she has realised she is not over me all of a sudden or because of what I think?

 

It does feel or did feel she reacted like that as she realised she needs to force herself away from me because it was so sudden after we had got on so well!

[papalazarou]

100% agree with this.

 

Some women can do the friends thing. I call it the "lightswtich". However I think she is findingit hard.

 

Cards on the table fella.

 

 

It sounds like you two need to stop this "we're just friends" game and get all the cards on the table.

 

Nick, have you told her your feelings about getting back together?

 

I think it's pretty obvious she cares for you as more than a friend but is trying to convince herself and you that she doesn't.

 

I think you need to tell her how you feel that you would consider getting back together with her and see how she feels about it. If she's opposed, then it sounds like she just needs more time to get over you.

 

I think the whole "we're just friends" dance is not working for you guys. It's an easy way to stay in touch but there are obviously still some feelings on both sides (more so on her side, it seems).

[Nick_t]

The thing is if I get all my cards on the table (and she does already know how much I love her and care for her still) and she does oppose then I will be back to roughly square 1.

 

I sort of know she will oppose otherwise she would have been the one to come to me. She was the one who broke up with me because she wants to be on her own and not involved in a serious relationship during university, as she has been with me for her first 2 years.

 

I haven't spoken to her since last Thursday or made any contact so I'm giving her space and sort of just disapearing off the face of the earth.

 

I agree that I think there are more feelings there and it hit her last week due to the time we had been spending together, but its sad that she is having to convince herself that is not what she wants.

 

So I have two options:

 

Get all my cards on the table, but she already knows how I feel

 

or

 

Treat this like a break up - which is what I have done so far and just try and move on again trying not to think about it.

 

There was me thinking it was going really well, but she last week obviously became paranoid and scared and had a massive outburst. Then tried to follow it up with a text and e-mail. I wonder if she is thinking about it as much as I am too?

 

I hope i'm doing the right thing?

[Nick_t]

I think she would be too proud, but I also think how much she might want to get back together or had what we had, she knows she needs to be on her own and experience single life, hence the reason for all of this. But the reason why I don't ask about getting back together is because she says all she wants to be at the moment is on her own, and I suppose agree with her.

 

Up until recently I really thought she had gotten over the whole break up, and that I was the one who was still struggling. I suppose I still am so thats why I suppose i'm not contacting her. I could cope with the friends thing because we still had a good time together, and I was getting on with life too knowing all was good and ok. The thing is I have heard nothing from her since she e-mailed or text upset about the argument we had. I'm thinking I should continue not thinking about her and forgetting about it and see if she initiates contact, on the other hand I don't know whether to initiate contact.

 

I am always curious whether the ex is feeling or acting exactly the same as me at this moment of time -

 

If she does ask why i'm distancing myself... I agree with what your saying but I don't know if I want to speak to her or not. If she asks why i'm doing it, then I suppose I will say 'i'm doing this for the sake of the friendship and for you, as it came accross pretty clear last week that you don't want people to think we are back together so we shouldn't spend any time together, I really was happy how well we were getting on but suppose its not going to work'.

 

I feel a bit rubbish about the whole thing, and really hope me giving her space will make her realise what has happened and wonder why I have distanced myself. Will it work if I continue to not contact her?

[Nick_t]

I'm not sure she knows if i'm distancing myself or not from her. I'm just getting on with it all and just stopped contacting her, as I thought it's really not worth the hassle at the moment. I really had no idea where all of that came from, so took what she said on board about moving on and have stopped making the effort all together. Its been basically a week.... it's gone from her coming into my office quite often, meeting for lunch, having a laugh, consolidating each other and supporting eachother to nothing at all. She hasn't popped into the office, I haven't seen her all week. As she studies at the Uni I work at we basically see eachother all the time, but its been strange, we haven't seen eachother at all. I sort of feel better for it too.

 

 

If I write her an e-mail or letter after all this time saying that, she might think what is this all about. So I have thought to myself just disapear, don't initiate contact, don't text, phone, speak online, just show her i'm not concerned, not being needy, clingy. She obviously took on board that I didn't respond to her text or e-mail and is probably respecting that I have decided to give her space. For example we are both online now, normally if it's been a while, even a day she would start a conversation, but nothing.

 

I wonder what she is thinking about it all and if she is thinking why I am not or haven't got in touch? Do you think she is still sad the way we left it, or thinks the way we left it wasn't ideal (hence the text and e-mail)? I don't know????? Everytime I think about it I wonder what is going through her head and whether she is bothered at all. I suppose this is a bit like NC for ther last week, does this mean she has forgotten about it all?

 

If I see her it is a simple 'i thought we were getting on well, you made it clear you didn't want people to think we were getting back together so I thought I would leave you alone for the sake of the friendship and for you'.

[Nick_t]

Hi guys,

 

One of my ex's friends came up to me at lunch and asked how I was and said I heard you and her (my ex) had a spat.

 

I asked who told her, and she said my ex did last Thursday lunchtime. She said 'nick got off with someone else last night right in front of me' and that she doesn't mind me kissing other girls but not right in front of her as I had such a fit about it when she did it.

 

The thing is I didn't even kiss this girl, she gave me a peck on the cheek, and apparently this friend and another guy said to her Nick didn't kiss her, he was just chatting to her thats all.

 

And she and her friend just popped into my office. Her friend came in to ask something regarding her sports club, and my ex came in after about 5 minutes. I just carried on talking in a chirpy mood to her friend, didn't aknkowledge her, ignored her really, and then they left and I just said see you later.

 

Was that the right thing to do? Cause it felt very awkward, and i'm not sure now to call later to see how she is or if she fancies a coffee or something, or to just leave it.

 

The fact she was complaining that I was kissing someone in front of her (even though I wasn't) surely says something?

 

I felt very nervous when she was in the room, but I was talking to her mate but it would have been obvious that I didn't say go out of my way to say hello. She would not have come into the office if she didn't want to see me or see if I was speaking to her? Do you agree?

[majord23]

Nick,

Stop analysing every little thing mate - it's achieving absolutely nothing.

 

She came in, you guys didn't speak and then she left. Chapter closed.

 

It doesn't matter what she was thinking or why she came in. There is no-one here that can tell you. Hell, she may have spent ages procrastinating about whether to come in before walking through the door, or she may have made a split-second decision before walking in.

 

Draw a line under the interraction and keep moving on. Nothing you can say to her will make a difference at the moment - apart from moving on.

[Nick_t]

Thanks mate, I know i'm being silly analysing as it does do nothing. Its one of those annoying little things that eats away at you. You know it will achieve nothing but curiosity always takes over. I'm a little angry at doing it, because at the moment its all I can think of and I want it to stop.

 

The thing is I don't want this, I think it is silly but the reason why I am doing it is because she was the one who had the outburst and said she doesn't want people to think we are getting back together, so I just thought you know what I will leave it then. I suppose my pride is taking over because I want to see if she approaches me and asks what has gone wrong or to say look I still want to be friends and I miss your company and friendship.

 

Its horrible, but its not making me depressesd or sad its just playing on mind because she seemed so happy that we were getting on like a house on fire, and then we had one minor argument and haven't spoke since. It all changed in a matter of a day and we are not even speaking. But i'm just giving her space I suppose, and trying to move on. But it's hard because nothing has really been sorted between us, we have just decided not to speak to each other.... so I feel thats why i'm back to analysing everything, and why i'm confused whether to just continue doing what i'm doing or make conversation with her??

[Nick_t]

suppose quite a few things are bugging me - that she is getting the wrong idea or that she hasn't made any contact since the argument. I really thought if i didn't make contact she would and then we could talk.

 

Instaed she hasn't i'm i don't know what to do.

 

I just spoke to her housemate and best mate online, and she said are you two talking as I looked quite awkward when she came into the office earlier.

 

I told her that I wasn't too sure what was going on and haven't spoken to her since last Thursday, and that she seemed concerned about something so I thought i would just leave her alone and leave it all alone.

 

She just said mate, you two confuse me and she doesn't know either. She went on to say 'oh mate, I don't think it is doing either of you any harm staying away from eachother for a while'

 

So I replied, I kno mate, i just found it weird, has she said anything?'

 

The answer i got was what i expected 'no she hasn't' but I know she has but she isn't going to tell me.

 

So there we go, what i said will be repeated to her so there we go but at least she will kno what i think. She's online now but I think the best thing to do is just leave it all and let her come round, and give her space. I'm not sure if I will tell her, I'm just going to continue what i'm doing.

 

I just want to stop thinking about it all the time, it is taking alot out of me!

[Mavis VDSande]

It sounds like there are a lot of misconceptions and friends getting in the way by acting as in-betweens. Not on purpose but subconsciously, because I guess you both hang out in the same places and have mutual friends.

 

I think it's a good idea to write a letter to her to let her know how you feel, and to let her know that you are going to give her space and time to sort herself out. Also it might be good to iron out the stuff about her thinking you were kissing some girl etc.

 

Just over analysing isn't going to help you. And she probably doesn't have a clear reason for some of her actions - they could be knee-jerk reactions. So it's best to just be honest with her with how you feel, then be prepared to move forward.

[Nick_t]

Thanks Mavis and everyone,

 

I'm scared about writing a letter or a card as I don't want her to analyse or think it is not needed. I have done this before when we have argued or just to tell her how I feel, or to say good luck with something etc... and she has responded by saying she appreciates who I am, what I do for her and how I feel but doesn't need to be told and reminded all the time.

 

I am scared that if I put in the letter that she and every little thing Is what I think about before I go to bed and when I wake up will scare her off. I have to admit, and this is taking alot, that I think I am moving on but i'm not really. I do miss her terribly and her company! I am hating this space and have just got use to the hurt I am feeling and having to pick myself up everyday knowing its happened and I just need move on. I am worried that its going to take a long time to get over all of this and finally be happy with someone special again, but I am angry that I don't seem to have the patience for that.

 

I suppose it is my pride that is getting in the way of writing an e-mail, or letter/card. If I write it and say I feel I should give you space because you didn't seem happy last week with everything, I am scared she won't respond in a positive way as in saying I appreciate what your doing.

 

Could anyone help with a suitable letter which will show her that I am doing this for her due to the way she reacted and what she said, and that I do care alot, and hope we can work on the good times we were having. I still love her and I can't seem to let it go. ???

 

I want her to be happy, but I don't want her to forget about me, I suppose I can selfishly say I want her to miss me (not so she wants to come back, just so she always appreciates what we did). The thing is she probably already does, I just don't know it.

[Nick_t]

Hi guys... I wrote an e-mail but haven't sent it yet... please tell me what u think?....

 

 

I just want to let you know that I was very sad like you that we had that argument and we haven't spoken since. I made up my mind not to make contact, not to be mean, or to get a reaction whatever but it was because I thought it would be a good idea to not be around eachother for a while. I wanted to give you some space.

 

You said you didn't want people to think we were getting back together, so I thought it would be a good idea that people didn't get even more of an impression anymore.

 

I want you to be happy, with or without me, because I truly still care for you a lot. I understand at this time, that happiness for you is so important, and if you weren't happy at what was being thought or said then I just thought it would be a good idea to leave it all.

 

I wanted to write this e-mail because I didn't want to seem stubborn, I wanted you to know that I hope your well and everything is ok.

 

As you know I want to be your close friend, you mean a lot to me, but if you feel your not 100% comfotable with it all then live life and be happy.