Is it over for good?

[Luke17]

About five weeks ago, my girlfriend of 18 months told me she wanted to take a step back in our relationship. She said she needed to figure out who she was and what she wanted and that she couldn't do that with me around. (We were living together at the time.) At first she said she just wanted to take a break but then said that she was pretty sure we wouldn't end up together.

 

The main reason for breaking off our relationship was that I am a starving artist who was waiting tables and she is a young career woman with a 401K. She said that we don't have the same values or ambition and thereforeeee would never get married. When we first starting dating, she was very supportive of me and my dreams of becoming a screenwriter, not to mention the fact that she was very uncertain about whether her chosen career path was right for her. Deep down she wanted to go back to school to become a teacher, but job security is very important to her parents so she stayed at her job.

 

As we kept dating and her mother and older sister started telling her to keep her eyes open for someone better, who had more ambition (and money) than me, she began to get worried about whether or not we were right for each other.

 

Eventually, she developed a crush on a guy she works with who is more career-oriented and who her family would more readily accept as a suitor. However, she maintained that she still loved me, that I was her best friend and that I understood her better than anyone else. She was confused about everything and wanted to be single so that she could figure out her life. (Being that we are both 23, I realize that this is fairly common)

 

In the end, she said that she needed to be practical and ultimately made the decision with her head, but said that her feelings for me had waned based on her worried thoughts about our future together. In any case, we were still living together for two weeks after we broke up, while I gave my notice at my job and got my plane ticket to move back home to Chicago from NC.

 

During the first week, she avoided me like the plague and would cry whenever she saw me. After that, we started talking again and got along great (now as friends). She would still call me babe and give me mixed signals, saying things like I know we're doing the right thing followed by asking me if we were doing the right thing. I could tell she wasn't sure. I pleaded a little, not emotionally, but just asking her if there was anything I could do to fix things and she maintained that we just weren't right for each other.

 

I accepted this and when the time came, she drove me to the airport, crying for most of the time. We hardly talked on the way there as the little boy she was babysitting was riding in the backseat (as a buffer I guess). We agreed to be friends (at the time I thought this might be possible and was unfamiliar with the wisdom of NC).

 

Once I had been home for a week, she called me to see how I was doing. She said it would be hard not to talk to me anymore, that it was the hardest thing ever to lose her best friend and that she couldn't imagine her life without me in it. I just said we'll see what happens.

 

For the next few weeks, our contact was limited to short friendly emails and brief IM convos talking about how weird it was to be apart. I was doing a good job of keeping my emotions to myself. But after three weeks of being apart, I realized how much I loved her. I caved and sent her a letter in which I told her how she had made me see the light and that I understood completely what I had to do in order to gain her respect, which was true. I reminded her of how in love we once were and that I'd like to try to "mend our broken life together."

 

Before she received the letter though, she called me out of jealousy because she had read what another girl had written on my Myspace page. She said that she starting freaking out when she saw it and just called me impulsively. I acted cool about it and pretended like I was doing okay, but had to ask if she had received my letter yet. She hadn't and asked me to read it to her and I did. She sounded touched but maintained that we would never work out.

 

She will be back in town for Thanksgiving and Christmas but says that she doesn't think it would be a good idea to see each other, but I'm pretty sure she still has strong feelings for me. I also suspect that she wants to try getting into a relationship with the guy she has a crush on at work (though he is out of the country for another month). It seems like she is waiting to find out if the grass is greener with him and doesn't want to bring up her old feelings by seeing me. I have since started NC and will not respond (at least for awhile) if she attempts to contact me again.

 

We always had a great time whenever we were together up until we broke up, aside from her worrying about our future and me being able to support a family one day based on my current situation. I am now focusing on myself and trying to find a better paying job so that I don't have to be such a starving artist.

 

I guess my question then is, based on our situation, does it seem like there is a chance of us getting back together? If she ends up wanting to meet up over the holidays, should I go or maintain NC?

[moonflowers]

Just putting in my two cents: I don't want to discourage you in the least, since it seems you've been behaving in a very dignified and intelligent manner all along. However, getting back together with your ex by the holidays might be a tad too early.

 

Unless both you and your ex make substantial changes in your lives and attitudes (which definitely requires some time to take place), the outcome of a new relationship between the two of you will most likely be the same. There's always a chance it'll work out somewhere down the road, but only if both you and your ex change and grow independently.

 

Also, in your situation, remember to take the power of parental pressure into account. I had a similar problem with my now-ex; my parents thought his career goals were too impractical and gave me no end of trouble about that. If he were to come back to me now (highly unlikely...), I'm sure they'd say, "But you just managed to avoid getting stuck with him for the rest of your life! Why would you want him back?"

 

I understand it's tempting to say, "Okay, so now I'll get a practical career for myself in order to win her back!" Be prepared, though, for the possibility that she might not change her mind even if you become the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Focus on your own career for your own sake, and then you definitely won't disappoint yourself.

 

Good luck on your career path, and best wishes.

[heloladies21]

Well one thing to realize for sure is that being her friend will not bring her back to you. It just doesn't work, and neither does hanging around in the background waiting for her to make up her mind and come back to you. So do this, if you have any doubt as to her true intentions, ask her straight up "Are you interested in getting back together with me?" That way you'll have your answer and can move forward in one direction or the other. But if she tells you anything other than an outright yes, then it ain't gonna happen and your future will be filled with a lot of false hope and a repeated broken heart.

 

So in the end, ask her for a final decision, and if she's not with you, then tell her you don't want to be friends because friendship and romantic interest are not interchangable emotions. If she doesn't want you, then you want to move on.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Okay this girl really needs to make up her mind.She either loves or she doesnt.She cant keep toying with you and this other guy like this.

 

Do what heloladies21 said to do but if she says no dont be to upset infront of her or she will think she has crontrol of you.You got to show her that you can live with out or with her

[Luke17]

I just wanted to apologize for writing such a long post. There's a lot of needless detail in there and I should have edited it a bit before posting, but I appreciate the responses. I am definitely not planning on changing for her benefit but for my own. I think she now realizes that we will no longer be friends but still says things like "I wish we could have just been friends from the start because then you could still be in my life."

 

The parental pressure thing sucks but I realize that I don't really want to be with someone who is so easily swayed by their parent's opinion of me.

 

At this point, I am excited about going out and meeting new girls, but would still be open to getting back together with the ex in the future if she showed me that she was willing to accept me for who I am/who I am becoming.

 

Thanks for all the good advice.

[Openheart1]

Luke,

 

I had a same experience with my former girlfriend. We were intent on marrying one another, she moved in with me for a very short time until she realized she didn't want to live with me. She felt that she would be following me around her entire life and wouldn't have a life of her own. After the week or so of living with me, she left a Dear Jon letter on the table and left while I was at class. I am a graduate student, so moving in together wasn't the smartest move in hindsight, but it became clear that developing a career is the number one priority.

 

It seems her reality when it comes to love is the traditional "can this man take care of me" mentality. She looks as income and external factors as the primary indicator of future happiness, not necessarily her feelings for you. That is both a good thing and a bad thing. It means she still has strong feelings for you, but doesn't see the potential of long term happiness if she were to commit.

 

It is one becoming an interesting paradox in today's society. While women are more independent than ever, they are still in need of someone to make them feel safe and secure. It seems there is always that need for a balance between independence and security that is difficult to accommodate.

 

I would say let her make the decision, however difficult that would be. I know I admitted my love for my former girlfriend and we decided to be friends a few weeks after we broke up. Given that it is long distance, as she moved about 1100 miles away, the fact that we never really emotionally separated from one another, as we were utilizing each other to get over the other, our "friendship" has dwindled to nothing. I ended the friendship just recently because of the feelings of her ignoring my attempts to contact her were just getting too much. It does not feel good to be put on the back burner and made to feel expendable, so if you can avoid it that would be a good thing.

 

I wish you the best, but for now I say let her make the next moves. It is her job to address her feelings and make the effort to convince YOU to regain a relationship, not yours. Take care.

[Luke17]

OpenHeart1,

I think you were right on as far as my ex goes and needing to know that I would be able to support her someday. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out in your similar situation. It's hard when you know she still has feelings for you but is too scared to risk financial uncertainty to commit to a future together. It is this inner conflict that I can tell she's still feeling that is making it hard for me to move on completely.

 

An update on my situation: Last night she called me to wish me an early happy birthday but I didn't have my phone with me so she left a voicemail. She followed that up with an email saying that she left me a voicemail and that she wanted to have some sort of relationship with me, but that it would probably be awhile before we could be friends. She also texted me today to say happy birthday. I waited a few hours before texting her back to say thank you for all the birthday wishes. I also found out that she IMed (look at all these forms of communication, gotta love technology) my sister and told her to wish me a happy birthday as well.

 

What do you think her apparent need to make contact with me in some way means, if anything? I suppose it could be that she wants me to think of her as a good friend and make sure I got her message but it seems a little excessive to me.

[heloladies21]

This is that false hope I was talking about. You're gonna keep bumping into it until you get that final answer. Wishing you a happy b-day (even excessively or with effort) does not = thinking about wanting to get back together.

[Openheart1]

Luke,

 

As my former girlfriend got me a birthday card right about a month and a half after we separated, it really may mean she wants to be friendly towards you. While there are probably many reasons for her sending you a birthday message, it likely does not mean very much. I would go with your gut instinct regarding her wanting to be purely friends. However, I can almost assure you that if you do not feel platonic or content with merely being friends, and I mean 100%, this relationship of whatever form will dissolve gradually until there is likely nothing left worth making an effort for. Her emotions are still prominent and she has a connection with you in that respect still, but that will fade in time as she adjusts to not having you in her life.

 

I want to reiterate, there is a good chance that once she adjusts to her new life without you, it will become more difficult to maintain any kind of close relationship with her, friendly or otherwise. She will be content with having you in her life to some degree, thus satisfying her needs more than your own. While I hate the notion of NC, as I believe it only hurts, there is some good that can come out of it. She needs to know what it is like for you to be out of her life and must know that you are a great guy that she will lose if she doesn't wany anything more than a friendly acquaintance, as that is what will most likely happen over time. Mind you, if you are content with this, keep "feeding the bird" and giving her signs that you appreciate her in your life, which will obviously make her feel less guilty. Basically, you send her the signal that it is ok to restrict what you want to satisfy her needs. It sucks, doesn't it?!

 

Likely the one thing I learned in hindsight that being a nice person and genuine is, in part, realizing that what you want also matters. In reality, it matters more than what she wants. Right now, she has shown you that you are emotionally expendable, though as of now the physical expendable hasn't arrived. While her feelings towards you may be strong, they are mostly based on what is left-over from the relationship, not her actual feelings towards you.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot predict the outcome or your scenario beyond the words on the screen, but if someone is capable of risking potentially losing you, they have already made the decision that the loss would be managable. That is the most difficult thing to face, in my mind, as I have gone through it. In the end, I think your response to her, namely a polite "thank you" was appropriate, but under no circumstances talk about the relationship, talk about your life to any degree and definitely don't talk about your feelings. While it may seem strange and I personally had to learn it the hard way, from her perception of things if you talk about your feelings and emotions regarding her, it will only spark a light in her head that says that you are not over her and she will have to make a decision. She will either decide to slowly and gradually let you down and separate yourself from her life because she doesn't want to hurt you OR she will feel very uncomfortable and stop contact all together so as not to hurt you. Either way, her only goal is not to hurt you anymore to make her feel less guilty, not to accommodate your needs or give you what you want in any meaningful way.

 

Ask yourself, do you want her back? If so, let HER make the moves, however hard that will be. Do not pretend that your feelings matter any longer. If they did, she would be in your arms listening and accomodating them. She chose not to be a part of your feelings and no longer has any investment in them. That does not mean she may not feel sorry for hurting you in any way, but that is about as far as it will go.

 

I realize I have written a lot, so I will end it here. I wish you the best.

[Luke17]

I haven't posted anything in awhile and I just wanted to give an update on my situation and see if anyone had any advice/criticism on how I've been handling things with me ex. Anyways, this past weekend she was home for Thanksgiving and sent me a text asking if we should see each other while she was in town. I asked her what she'd want to do and she said she didn't know. I suggested coffee which she agreed to and we settled on meeting up on Saturday. That night (Wed.), she was out at a bar and called me to see if I could give her a ride home. I didn't go and let her brother pick her up instead.

 

On Friday night, she texted me again and asked "coffee tonight or tomorrow?" I responded by saying that I was going out that night and we'd stick with doing it on Saturday. The next day, I texted her to ask what time she wanted to meet up and she called me back awhile later saying she was too tired and was going to take a nap instead. I told her that it was fine if we didn't meet up but she kept saying she felt bad and agreed to meet. At first we were just going to meet at the coffee shop but she called me back to ask if I could pick her up which I did. We talked for about an hour, catching up on what we'd been up to since the breakup. No talk about our relationship or dating other people but she did say that she was having a hard time getting over me. I acted like I no longer had any interest in getting back together. I tried to keep it light and be funny/confident, basically treating it like a first date.

 

I drove her home and told her maybe I'd see her somewhere down the road and she told me not to be so dramatic. As soon as I got home she texted me saying "Good talking to you! We'll have to do it again over xmas! Take care!" I'm wondering if it was a mistake to see her and whether or not it would be a mistake to meet up with her again when she's back in a couple weeks. I realize that if any reconciliation is to take place, it's still a ways off but I want to know if this friendly casual dating can be a good thing in reminding her of what she's missing out on. I know that letting her think of us as "just friends" is not a good thing but I am certain she still has feelings for me whether she's willing to admit it or not. What do you guys think?

[Openheart1]

Luke17,

 

It is apparent the process is beginning where you are slowly starting to be dragged along purely for her emotional needs. The key here is that you are "trying" to keep it light, while underneath you are expecting something very different. YOU want something more and you are sacrificing those wants for the hope or expectation that somehow the both of you will fall into each other's arms and become romantically involved again. It is a delusion!

 

She expressed how difficult it is to get over you, yet she is not actually getting over you because you are accomodating her needs by being in her life! Luke, as I said previously, her needs are first and foremost on her mind. Part of her needs is not to hurt you. The other part is to satisfy her needs until she gets to the point where she is emotionally ready to separate herself from you totally. While I may be wrong, it took me 7 months of thought, experience, and heartache to realize that I had to end my "friendship" with my former girlfriend. The thing I had to realize is that I was "trying" to be her friend. Friends do not try to be friends, they just are. To reinforce the point, you are restricting what you need for her sake. She lost that privilege when the both of you separated.

 

Her emotional needs, however difficult it is to realize this, should not be your focus. Be upfront with her about your feelings. Pretending to be friends does not result in either a friendship OR a relationship. Basically, you are in limbo right now with no direction because neither of you can seem to cut the cord, so to speak. I can assure you that contact will slowly dissolve as the both of you get accustomed to not being involved with one another and one day one of you will decide that the other isn't worth keeping in touch any longer. At that point, the friendship will die. Simply, right now both of you are on a nicotine patch because there are leftover emotions and feelings. Overtime, most likely she will grow less and less interested in keeping in touch, as the memories, feelings, emotions, etc. will become less and less present in her life. Luke, do not pretend to be something you are not just to satisfy her curiosity. If you are not ready to be friends, as it is evident that you are not, do not meet with her. Leftover feelings do not make a good recipe for friendship. However hard it is to believe at this point, you may not even want to be friends the longer you are separated from her.

 

Another way of looking at your situation is this. If she wasn't interested or capable of working on a relationship with more at stake, what makes you think she is interested in carrying a genuine friendship?

 

Take care.

[silentalways]

believing in getting back with someone and doing everything u can to communicate that fact knowing that is probably not going to happening and being called delusional because the other person cannot break silence and simply communicate that fact in ways that don't punish or hurt.

 

when i was with this woman she saw all the positives and if she no longer believes in them - and i do - then i will share them with another that has a voice. i have stood up for my love of her and have been knocked down many times. that is something special but obviously not enuff.

 

i have simply asked for one sign of respect - one call to let me know. that is not asking too much.

[blender]

Dear "Silentalways", Perhaps it is "asking too much" by her standards... you can not expect her to resond to YOUR standards regarding this... she has been hurt, a violated trust, and for now you can work on forgiving yourself for whatever behaviors you made a choice on that may have lead to the demise of this relationship, and let go for today...

 

try not to get "addicted" to the anger or resentment of her making the SELFrespecting choice to not be in contact with you after her heart was broken.. she may need some time to heal, and if your love for her is authentic, then for now it is more important to be UNDERSTANDING OF HER, instead of trying to be understood...that is love... authentic love is "understanding her heartache and need to protect her values, standards of her own life".

 

I'm so sorry you are hurting so much..

[silentalways]

Dear "Silentalways", Perhaps it is "asking too much" by her standards...

 

I truly do understand this is the case. I do.

 

you can expect her to resond to YOUR standards regarding this...

 

I am not asking her to respond to my standards, this is about her hurt and lost trust - and telling her, what we had once is there - better - this things will never happen again - its about asking her to take that leap of faith she did at the beginning. i ask because this is important. she is special. i am a good man and we can move mountains together.

 

she has been hurt, a violated trust, and for now you can work on forgiving yourself for whatever behaviors you made a choice on that may have lead to the demise of this relationship, and let go for today...

 

my behaviours were a small part of our shared time. she knows why they occurred and it is not fair to continue to hold my depression and addiction as the image of who i am.

 

try not to get "addicted" to the anger or resentment of her making the SELFrespecting choice to not be in contact with you after her heart was broken..

 

i am not angry at all. i do not resent her. my heart was broken too. this was not planned. i am making the same self-respecting choice she did. i never intended to mess up. she knows that. there is no anger, just frustration. i want to marry her, live like we should have, see our daughters go to university, buy a home together....normal life. is that wrong? we are both hurt and i am asking her to have us heal and try again - together. she knows i will not fail.

 

she may need some time to heal, and if your love for her is authentic, then for now it is more important to be UNDERSTANDING OF HER,

 

i am! i want to care for her. that is not wrong.

 

instead of trying to be understood...that is love... authentic love is "understanding her heartache and need to protect her values, standards of her own life".

 

i will never hurt her again. i want her to believe me.

 

I'm so sorry you are hurting so much..

 

we both are. if she reads this, please close yer eyes, listen to 'right from the start' - and take that step you dread - let down yer guard. i am going home now and during the drive i will wish upon every star that she will call me and leave a message. i know i am pushing the envelope but we have a great opportunity here. i hope she feels the same.

 

good night

[The_Hierophant]

Hi Luke,

 

I'm new here and would like to give you my opinion on what's been going on from what I have read. As a girl, I am 99% sure this girl is still in love with you. She does the things, she says the things, it seems to me as though she's desperately trying to satisfy her needs with a friendship but alas it's nto working. Why? Because she needs more of you... And she's hurting. She never really wanted to separate from the heart, only from the "head" so to speak. I guess this is what happens when you let your brain take over a loving relationship. We think we best do what's "best" for us, we think separating from loved ones for the sake of "happiness" or "financial security" is "better". But deep inside something is telling her she's NOT happy, and she must miss you terribly. Yeah yeah, so she's got that carreer guy handy, that's just to convince herself "there's loads more fish in the sea" (but guess what, you dont command true love to happen...), and now she's using you as a substitue for the love she's missing.

DONT let her benefit from your friendship, or support, company or whatever you wanna call it. Dont because she will feed on it to keep herself going, and you will be unhappy. I fyou want her back, if you want that one chance of her realising what a stupid mistake she's making, then DONT let her take advantage of you without agreeing to come back as your girlfriend. She wants that? Fine, she says sorry and changes her mind.

I feel I have to tell you this, because the signals she's giving are clear to me, and I can tell there IS a chance of her realizing and coming back. I'm not saying that's a good thing, and I'm not saying she wont leave again in 3 months... BUT, if you do want her back, then this is your chance (and possibly the last one too). You must weane her off your affection until she can't take it anymore and it becomes CLEAR to her that she really wants you back. That is the only way.

Trust me, I have heard many stories of partners coming back, sometimes months later, saying how wrong they were and how much they wanted the person back. I guess you just gotta move on with your life in the meanwhile and keep positive.

 

Keep us up to date, and hope this helps!

[Luke17]

The Hierophant,

Thank you very much for the advice. I've been wanting to get a female perspective on my situation and I really appreciate hearing your optimistic take on things. What you've said about how you think she's feeling is the same thing I've been picking up on in my brief interactions with her. Based on what everyone has told me, I don't think I'll see her if she wants to meet up around Christmas time (and I'm suspecting she will). When she contacts me again, I guess I should just be honest and say I have no interest in hanging out as friends and that I don't want to hear from her unless it's because she wants to give our relationship another shot. This will be hard because I'd love to see her, but I'm sure it'll be just as hard on her and might make her finally see how badly she wants me in her life. In the meantime, I am going to do my best to suck it up and move on with my life and really accept the fact that it's all on her at this point.

[Openheart1]

I'm wishing you the best in your efforts to be strong towards her. It is definitely not easy to say no to something you want so bad, but in the end I am confident you will be happier with yourself.

[silentalways]

u know at some point people really get tired of this kind of game. you either want to be with someone or you don't. when u first started dating u didn't do that stuff so why now? sometimes you just have to start being the person you were in the beginnning because its more about her not you. she probably never second guessed at the beginning and you are showing the same determination and confidence you had to start - she is the one that is waffling so that is her decision - nothing u can do about that.

[The_Hierophant]

Hi Luke,

 

I agree with silentways.

However, just one more thing... Yes you should move on with your life, but dont see this as "now it's all up to her, there's nothing I can do". That's a pretty passive attitude. You gotta keep your head up man and be actively positive! Keep the images of her wanting you vivid in your mind, every day, focus on it, and be very aware of how much she used to need you. Do you think the need just goes away because she woke up one day and thought "I really should find someone with more money"? Nah... this is your strength, and you should focus on it, until you are convinced somehow some day she will realise this.

I know this is hard, because keeping memories and images of past happiness alive is painful. You have to get passed this though (at some point it's doable, dont worry) and regain your strength, your mental strength and self confidence. Yes, self confidence is the key. Now dont listen to people who say she will never come back and it's for the best. Play deaf.

No contact, no waiting, no longing, just very strong confidence that she has loved you up till now and will realise this whenever she's ready. Then watch what happens...

[blender]

Dear Silentalways, was wondering how you're doing on "letting go".. I hope you have found some "acceptance" and can let her be for now, and get on with your own life, forgiving yourself, and have respect for her need of space and to let go of trying to get her to respond, just try to respect her boundaries on this, and try, just try to let go... Hope all is well.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Luke...

 

She could still be ambivalent about her feelings, but she could also have made up her mind and is just using you as a security blanket until she gets a new boyfriend firmly in her life...

 

it's never easy to break up with someone we still like but feel is not the 'right' person for a longer term relationship... her values are her values, which is sad. you could make a ton of money, and then have an accident or lose earning power from an illness... would she dump you then? i think one has to be realistic in terms of choosing a partner, but don't those vows say 'for richer and for poorer'? if she doesn't feel this way, then that is a big heads up that her priorities are self centered and materialistic...

 

she could always 'work' with you to find a happy medium if she wanted... i.e., negotiate how much money you need as a couple and ways for you to earn money while still pursuing all your dreams... but she chose not to do this, just make a judgment that you weren't 'worthy' because you weren't a big earner.

 

so i think you need to recognize she is someone who values money and being supplied with money from a man as really important, or she wouldn't be making this choice if she does indeed love you... so she either needs to get a spine and not let her family pressure her into giving up someone she loves for the sake of money, or else these is her own feelings, not just her families, and she has made a choice based on her own personal values....

 

my suggestion would be to NOT play any games about 'playing it cool' or waiting for her or anything else that stops you from finding someone who really loves you for you, not your money... my advice is next time she calls, tell her exactly what you want, her back as a girlfriend, and to negotiate a reasonable future for the both of you together, where both people are happy, rather than just chasing after some man for money. if she won't agree to that, then time for you to move on and find someone who values you as a person more than she values money...

 

she knows where to find you if she does change her mind and want you back as a boyfriend, so i would suggest moving on with your own healing, since she's going to do whatever she wants anyway, chase that other guy or some other guy entirely who meets her criteria as a money maker. you sound like a very nice thoughtful person, and deserve someone who loves you first, and does NOT look down on you as inferior due to your earning power... most of the world is NOT well to do, and they manage to be just as happy as other couples trapped on a workaholic treadmill trying to fund a yuppie lifestyle.

[Luke17]

So, I've been doing NC since Thanksgiving. She contacted me two days ago to say congrats on my new baby cousin who was just born. Pretty random reason to make contact and I'm not even sure how she found out about it. Anyways, I didn't respond to her text but did send her a quick email the next day to say thanks and ask when her sister (who's pregnant) is due. I thought I should be polite and at least acknowledge her. Maybe this was dumb. She emailed me back immediately asking what's new with me but I didn't respond. She called me that night and I didn't pick up. I texted her back about an hour later saying that I was out and couldn't really talk.

 

I got another text from her last night asking if I was out again and I said yes. She then wrote back "just get a gf" which I found to be kind of odd. I realize that I should probably not have responded to any of her contact but I felt like it would be rude not to. I ended up calling her tonight, I guess out of curiosity to see why she was contacting me and to let her know once and for all that friendship won't work between us.

 

We talked for probably too long, our relationship came up as well as her budding relationship with her "career guy" who is still in Europe. She said she wanted me to get a girlfriend so that she'd know I'd be okay. I told her I was fine with things and told her that being friends is not going to work. She kinda said she still thought of me as a best friend but I asked her if it made sense to be dating one guy and stay best friends with your ex. She kept asking if I was okay with things and I reminded her that she was the one who had been trying to contact me. I told her that it'd probably be the last time we spoke for a long time. Even though I broke NC, I feel like I gave her some things to think about and that I got better closure for me to forget about reconciling.