Religion a factor?

[Lubber]

About a month ago I started liking this girl. She was beautiful- brown hair, green eyes, freckles, all the things i find attractive in a girl. We could also talk for hours about anything.

 

basically, I felt like we just clicked.

 

Anyways, we're in calculus together and every day before a test I would go over and we'd study for a bit and then goof off and talk/listen to music/play hardcore tetris, and I found myself even more attracted to her.

 

Well one day when I was helping my friend out with a project, she calls me up and asks me to go to Mosi with her and a friend (this huge science thing that had a display of the human body), and I reluctantly told her I couldnt. She was sad and tried to get me to change my mind but i promised i'd help my friend.

 

So anyways once that was over with, we were cleaning up and she calls again and convinces me to meet her up at this mall inbetween Mosi and where I was, about an hour and a half drive. So I say yes and drive all the hell the way up there and we hang out and have a good time. Then a friend of hers calls and asks to go to the movies with her, and she asked if I would like to tag along, and so I do.

 

We get to the movies and close to the end I put my arm around her and she puts her head into my shoulder, and after the movie she says "Hey... I like you, but, we cant date" And im all like huh whaaa? So I convince her to talk about it and we go to her house and have this long and confusing conversation. She said that she really likes me and that I'm one of the only guys that will actually listen to her when she talks and stuff like that, but says she cant see a future with us. When I ask her why not she says "she doesnt know how to explain it without seeming like an a**hole".

 

So I hug her goodbye and leave with eyes full of tears and a head full of confusion. It wasnt the rejection that got to me. It was the leading on. You know? I felt like it was going to work, and for the first time someone i really liked liked me back. Then when she DOES like me, she cant go out with me for some reason. I just didnt make any sense to me.

 

So anyways, a week or so later I was talking to a friend and I found out that she didnt date a friend of mine several years ago because he was Jewish, and that a similar situation to mine happened.

 

Well, I just so happen to be Jewish too.

 

I was hurt. I felt that if two people like eachother that they should pursue it regardless of religion. Im pretty liberal and im totally for different religions in the girls I date. Im not super religious, im very open minded and even interested.

 

I was just wondering: Any solution or consolation to this mess? I find myself starting to have feelings for her again...

[booberry]

You should ask her, straight out. She seems to like you a lot.

 

If it is religion, and if she's christian, remind her that according to the old testament, Jews are God's chosen people and are pretty precious in his eyes

[zrehman]

What religion is she?

[Lubber]

Shes Christain. Methodist I think.

[zrehman]

Well my friend. I feel like you are left confused right about now, which I would be if I was in your situation. What you need to do is talk to her about this, and WHY RELIGION is affecting you guys from being together. If she is adimant about not being together because of religion and you feel like it will be too hard to just be friends because you need time to heal and get over this. Let her know that and proceed with NC.

 

Its a bad situation she put you in and now you have the choice to either be in this situation or to do whatever helps your emotions.

[booberry]

Well, I still say ask her. It may not be as bad a reason as expected.

 

But... you may be entering a mine field if you two do date with your religious differences. I got my behind handed to me on a silver platter by a Chrisitian who ultimately decided he couldnt date a non-Christian (despite the fact that we'd dated over a year, were REALLY close and sweet to eachother, and spent almost every moment together. He went away to this Christian camp and got himself a fresh dose of brainwashing and was convinced I was going to hell).

 

So.... watch your step. It may just be good to cut your losses with the religion thing if that's what it turns out to be.

[Daligal83]

Hey, I've seen this situation so many times but from the other way. I'm Jewish too, and a lot of my friends are. I'm like you and don't care about the religion of who I date, but the majority of my friends only want to be with someone Jewish. Even though we're young, knowing they want to marry someone of the same religion is so important that they don't see the point in falling for someone they can't be with. My boyfriend is Jewish and dated mostly non-Jewish girls before me. One he really fell for and he had to break it off because of religion and it killed both of them. She's probably just trying to avoid that pain if she already knows that she wants to be with someone with the same religion. Even though people like you and me have our own views about just being with someone if you click like that, not everyone is the same. Your views on that have to match up and it seems like in this case it doesn't.

[Lubber]

Good to hear from a fellow Jew

 

Uggh It just pisses me off you know? Feels like you finally find someone and the barrier between you and them is intangible...

[Beec]

I don't know about it being not objectionable. I would not try to change your faith, but, I know I have had roadblocks from religion. However, you are 18, you are not trying to marry her. When might that happen? Years away?

 

I would tellher she was pretty dumb to pass on a guy like you, and smile while you do it.

[Daligal83]

The mentality for a lot of people is though, why start something if it can't go anywhere? Why go through that pain? I know chances are that their relationships would end for other reasons, but you can't know that. Plus while dating, some people just want someone who believes the same thing. I'm not one of these people because I describe myself more of a cultural Jew than a religious one, but I can see how someone who is religion would use that as a criteria.

 

Lubber, I know it's frustration. I've seen so many people go through it. But there are tons of other girls that you will click with. I'm sure your mother has plenty of nice Jewish girls in mind for you and I'm sure plenty of Jewish mothers out there have eyed you for their daughters, haha.

[Lubber]

I know but its so hard for me to find people who i like.

(read my thread want to want for some more background)

 

Getting married would be a long time away anyways, and isnt that the point of dating? To see if two people can put up with eachother for a period of time? Personally I would never want to go into a relationship thinking I can marry someone. I think thats something that needs to be built upon in the relationship.

 

As for the smile thing, I tried humoring her. She broke up with her boyfriend awhile before we started hanging out and she was talking about him during this whole confusion thing. He was 15. I was all like "Hey at least I have a car! Think of all the cool places I could drive you." and stuff like that to get a smile out of her, but she would just smile and then get upset that I wouldnt give up on her...

 

 

-- hahaha Dali. Its so true with the mom thing. Ionno I kinda get the whole Cultral Jew thing though. My mom isnt very religious, but she recently started dating this Jewish guy and says she has never felt a connection like this before. Maybe its the same for this other girl? But for God's sake (hah... hah... pun.), its highschool.

[Daligal83]

I know it can be hard...and I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but you are young. You still have SO many people out there to meet. I had the same frustrations at your age.

 

I see your point with the marriage thing, but it's not like they expect to marry the person as soon as they start dating. But that is the point of dating to many people, to try people out as a potential life parnter. If she was just dating for fun and not looking for anything serious, maybe she wouldn't care but that doesn't seem to be the case. It's just a different point of view. I can see both sides. The thing is, if she wants to date someone with the same religion as her, there's not much you can do about it even if you don't get it.

[Caterina]

I think you should think of her as a friend. She obviously values her beliefs above attraction/feeling. Its kind of like this: to her religion represents the very core of who she is. If you can't be a part of that, why would she be in anything other then a platonic relationship with you? Just be her friend...if you want, you can show some interest in her religion by going to church with her...but for the most part I think you should seek someone who has the same beliefs as you do.