single and beautiful

[CluelessGuy321]

Yeah, that's really it.

 

There really isn't a "perfect" person. People change - even YOU change.

 

It's all about compromise and finding common ground.

 

A lot of people who keep aiming for some idealized person in their brain will just end up alone at 40 with a house full of cats. Children will call you the creepy cat lady. When baseballs are knocked into your yard, dares will be made as to who must fetch it.

 

You gotta date a lot and find that someone who you find attractive, treats you well, and share common interests with. It's all about compromise and learning I believe.

[Aurian]

I'm sure many of us carry a little mental list of what we would like in a mate. However, very few people would tick off all the items on the list (unless it were very short Do you dump an otherwise great guy because he doesn't make enough money? Because he's a bit short? Because he has brown hair instead of blonde? Nah, you give them a shot anyways if they have other things that appeal to you!

[Salucious]

You could be right in that you're in the wrong atmosphere, I can understand living near the beach there is a large night life of partying and less of a sense of romantic interests. Moving would be a big change just to meet different people, but try looking in different places. It is hard to suggest specific examples since I don't know your area but if you're looking for guys in places like bars and clubs then realistically those guys are primarily looking for fast action or flings. Try to make your interests known and seek out similar people. My sister is around your age and she tried dating services; but mostly because she had less time to meet people, she was so busy. But I don't think it is as "creepy" or "desperate" as people think at first. It might be a more straightforward way of finding a guy who has qualities/interests that you are looking for.

[Lily04]

hey,

 

i tried online dating when i was way too busy last year and just wanted to meet new people. it wasn't ideal though because most people post extremely flattering pics of themselves that aren't representative of how they look in real life at all and so i was very deceived sometimes (although there was one instance where the guy was actually better looking than in his pic, but I imagine that's rare.) So if you value physical attractiveness, this may not be the best way. ALSO, you may shrug off some guys as not being attractive enough/not meeting your 'perfect' criteria whatever that may be, but who you may actually be compatible with. The reason being that some guys may just not be the best writers or best at expressing themselves online, but all it takes is a spark of conversation in real life and you sense attraction. So that is why meeting someone off the internet is so much more preferable for me and one of the reasons why I stopped online dating (other reasons were it was time consuming reading so many messages, and searching myself, and also because I wanted to make it a goal of mine to have more of an active social life outside of school which was the main reason why I resorted to the 'net.)

 

I think you'll realize (if you haven't already) that there's probably lots of guys out there who want to date you. There are around 7 or so guys who want to date me now, and I just met a guy today randomly at the cafeteria who i accepted a date for next week. it was totally random, he said he saw my posters around campus and asked if I was Lily. I said yes. We got into a 30 mins. conversation on politics and psychology and exchanged numbers. The point is that you just have to be open to meetign new people (part of that comes from being happy with yourself which was sooooooo hard for me because i'm a perfectionist) and accepting others as the less-than-perfect beings they are. There isn't necessarily someone who is the 'ideal' guy for you, but there will be people you meet who come close, who strikes you as interesting and who you can afford to spend an hr. or so on a date with. i'm sure there's at least 3-5 guys you can name off who are potentials in that area. as for the "perfect" guy? there's only one guy who is "perfect" for you, but as you are so young why are you concerned with meeting your life partner so seriously? just DATE for now... you said you've only had 1 boyfriend? you'll find him in time. If you restrict yourself to not dating ANYONE until you meet perfection, then i'm not sure that will make you any happier though (at least with respect to your dating life!!)

 

I think we've all mentioned the key points here, and don't really see anythign else there is to say. let us know what you think & how you're doing! Hope that helps,

 

Lily

[strwberryshortcke]

I'm a gorgeous girl and find myself in the same predicament. I have no success getting together with guys. I think the problem is I am looking for a certain thing and I haven't found that yet... I'm not the type of girl to settle for second best, so I'm always searching for something better...and it usually means you miss what's right in front of you all along.

[slacky b]

I think people in general, whether male or female, tend to be pretty unexceptional. And the longer you know them, the more unexceptional they become. The only exception would be true bohemians, meaning people who were raised by parents who were bohemians. These folks are free as birds. But I've only run into a few. If that something special you're looking for is a guy who's self-confident, intelligent, highly educated, sensitive, kind and witty all at once, all I can say is good luck. You've probably got a long, long wait ahead of you. I find the most I expect from a relationship is that I feel comfortable around the person and the person is never cruel and rarely unkind to me. I think for most people, it's either a question of settling for something like that or remaining alone. There's nothing in the world wrong with remaining alone. But the notion that there are scads of really special people wandering around waiting to be found is Hollywood stuff. - Slacky B

[Corvette]

which part of the country are you from?

[slacky b]

I've lived in Tennessee, Louisiana, Illinois and Oregon, and have spent time in Los Angeles, Chicago and Washington, DC.

[Corvette]

post some pics so we can see what you look like...

[slacky b]

OK. These two pix should give anybody a fairly close idea of what I look like. I think I pretty much tend to look like a slob. It's not a look I try for; just happens. I'm not sure what all this has to do with a beautiful woman not being able to find a special man, but there may be Kafkaesque connection I'm not picking up on.

[SexySadie7]

i don't know.. but i'm picky too.. I find that I put up these ideals of what I want in a guy.. but it's hard to find....

Most guys are married in my area by 30... so that's not helping the odds at all.

I do think though.. you got to be open to at least dating.. that way you can at least expand your social skills honestly. And to have only one boyfriend by 30 is rather rather these days.. so it wouldn't really hurt you to date more guys. The more you date the more you know what you really want or DON'T want in a mate. Good luck.

Yeah.. you could try cyber-dating. The cyber-world is filled with guys looking for some model-type girl. That way you cud go over their profiles at your leisure, original poster.. without even having to leave your house!

Try it.. what do you have to lose.. you can find guys outside your general area too!

[Caterina]

It might be the area you are in. First, make a list of specifics that you are looking for. Then, go looking! Go to places where those type of people congregate and you'll up your chances.

 

Also, sometimes people who have it all end up more dissatisfied then people who don't. This is because they are so used to being offered more. They always want bigger & better instead of being satisfied with what they have. You might have that problem...

[SpeedingCars]

SAME here! I've been told it's extremely easy to "fall in like" with me because I'm carefree, funny and overall a cool girl to be with however, it's very hard for me to like a guy and I've only had one boyfriend! I always wondered what it was about HIM that made me break out of my "single-spell-shell" and actually get into a relationship... and to this day, I wonder if I'll ever find that again.

 

I don't think anything's wrong with YOU, you're just unsure of what you want.

 

Also.. maybe your problem is like mine: You feel as if you should just CLICK from the beginning and they should give you butterflies, etc. otherwise... they're not right for you. I'm still deciding whether or not that's true!

 

Just wait and the right guy will come, sooner or later...