Boomer Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Hi enotaloners, I need to vent now.. We met in Nov 2004 and dated for about 6 months. We had great relationship as I view it. Went to different places, enjoyed our time together. I was really happy In June 2005 I noticed that she started being distant and avoided me. She invited me to go with her parents out for barbeque on sunday. SHe was supposed to call me and did not call. On monday I sent her email asking why she did not call me. SHe emailed me back that she does not want to date me. This was devstaing for me. I did email her several times ( I guess can be considered begging) and she said that I was not serious enough and not fun enough for her - these reasons are not clear to me. I think that real reason might be that I did not propose in these 6 months ( I told her that I am very serious about the relationship and not ready to get married yet) or she just met someone else ( can;t figure it out). I want to date at leats a year and then consider marriage). She said she needs to date other people. We kept in touch for while and she started talking about her new bf and I cut all communication out. Anyway during this time she emailed me asking how I am but I ignored her. I started taking to her on msn yesterday and she told me that she got married and expecting a child. I was really disappointed. I wanted her to be happy with me but this is not going to happen in this life So difficult to get over this.. I am all torn inside... Do not want to do anything... I could not sleep last night... Link to comment
Boomer Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 I feel like that if I got married to her We would be happy and right now I cannot change anything. I am 28 and she is 25 Link to comment
NJRon Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 I find it kind of sad that she met someone so soon and got married and already has a child... all in just over a year. Makes me wonder why she was so desperate and that she was looking for a "family" and not a person. Everything from the way she broke up with you to moving into a marriage so shortly after breaking it off does not point to a healthy view of relationships. I think she did you a favor. Link to comment
Boomer Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 Thank you NJRON for your input. I know that whatever is done is for the better. I only can cotrol myself and not her. I am trying to put it behind me but find it extremely difficult to move on. I was thinking I am over her but after talking to her I know it is not a case. Link to comment
gattsuga Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 wow... that just sounds weird. the girl got married and pregnant all within a year. The way she broke up with you is totally disrespectful, and kind of makes me think she was hiding something. It could totally have been she was dating this other guy while she was dating you, and he wanted to go to her family's picnic, so she refrained from emailing you. i find it really abnormal that she wants to start a family so soon. Why is there such a rush? Honestly, if you proposed to her in that 6 months, she might've said yes... but do you think her feelings for you will be 100% what you deserve. It sounds unlikely she values the relationship with her husband over having a baby and getting married. Link to comment
NJRon Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Yeah, I can understand how, after this time, seeing her move on so much, it could be hard to take. I think it best to just close the chapter on this one entirely, for your sake. Hang in there... Link to comment
colors Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Wow she moved fast. I agree with NJRon, she was looking for a family not a person. YOu are wise to want to wait a year before considering marriage. VERY WISE!!!! don't doubt that. she might be happy right now, maybe lucked out BUT on the other hand it was rushed! and from experience rushed relationships & marriage don't work. (I watched a friend do exactly what your ex did. searching for a man to marry & get pregnant...didn't so much care who as long as they would commit to marriage extremely early. She is now divorced, with 2 kids and 24 years old). Everything happened for a reason. You needed to time to be sure your commitment was real & your marriage was sincere and time to KNOW she was the one & she needed a ring on her finger. You weren't on the same page. Trust it your gut on wanting to wait. it happened for a reason. Marriage isn't met to be rushed. And 6 months isn't an appriopriate deadline. Trust in yourself. You were right not to rush into marriage. Link to comment
Boomer Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 thank you all for your posts. They help me a lot. colors, what is the reasonable deadline? Feel like not doing this mistake again in future.... Link to comment
colors Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 thank you all for your posts. They help me a lot. colors, what is the reasonable deadline? Feel like not doing this mistake again in future.... Wow, reasonalble deadline....I dont know if i would ever put a 'deadline' on it. You either know or don't know after time. if after 3 years the man still didn't know if i was the one, I guess that would tell me I'm not.. Pesonally I'm with you, date a year & consider it than. You should have an idea by then, but 6 months is still honey moon stage. You don't know a person well enough,or been through enough, let alone comfortable enough to see very side. So to me it seems unreasonable. Some people would consider a year to soon to know. Whatever you are comfortable with! don't ever feel rushed to marry someone before the deadline is up. if they believe you're the one, they will wait. If they are willing to drop you after 6 month for not marrying them. That is your sign that she isn't the one. How could you drop the person you love & want to spend the rest of your life with?? She didn't love you enough to wait. To give you the time you need. That tells you right there she wasn't the one!!!! You deserve better & there is more out there for you! Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Yeah...I definitely don't think a deadline should be put on it. I can understand if you had dated for years, and she was waiting, but six months? Sheesh! That seems to be rushing things. She seems to be so desperate for a family that she'll marry anyone. Link to comment
Boomer Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 why would she be desperate for a family? It is important to find the right person I think. If you have a family but the wrong person what kind of happiness is that? Link to comment
colors Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 why would she be desperate for a family? It is important to find the right person I think. If you have a family but the wrong person what kind of happiness is that? people are different. my guess is she has a void in her life, that she believes a family will fill. Maybe it's the child she's been wanting to have. maybe it's the thought of being married, the though of someone committing their life to you, or the desire to be taken care of, maybe she feels her 'clock' it ticking and wants to hurry & have a family.....who knows. but for some reason she feels a family will fill that void or that desire, whatever it is. The man she marries- to have that family - doesn't seem to matter. You are wise to wait and be sure you choose the right person & plan for a life time of happiness. But some people, her particular,that isn't her priority...she'll plan for short term happiness. just what I think Link to comment
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