Explain this behaviour by the ex!

[bikjj]

Hey

 

The Scenario

 

I came out of a turbulent 5 year relationship. Its been about a year since the split, and she was the one who split with me. I hadnt seen my ex for quite some time but then saw her in pubs and clubs I go to. She has seen me with others girls and I have seen her with other guys.

 

 

The questions

 

The ex always seems to point me out to the guys she hangs with. I always ignore her. I am usually as far from her as possible and she will eventually end up standing in front of me with these random guys. I think one guy is actually her fella (but its irrelevant).

 

What I dont understand is why does she look at me?

Why does point me out to guys

Why does she bring guys with her so close to me even tho I look the other way

 

One day she told a guy she would see him later, and then she came and stood right next to me at the bar. What does this behaviour mean? I mean, I wouldnt go and stand next to me ex!

 

Please help!

[arwen]

I think she wants to rub in your face that she is hanging out with other guys. I always think that this kind of behaviour is very immature. Ignore this! You have moved on, and she is making a fool of herself.

 

Ilse

[bikjj]

So its no because she likes me then? She seems to do this quite alot. Im beginning to think she might not have moved on because she has dated several guys over the year we split. She even got jealous that I was hanging with another girl about 5 months ago. I dont get it.

[journey05]

Ahh, the sweet smell of emotional manipulation...strange she still has this power...

She must be destroyed!

Seriously, don't let it bother you. Sounds like she is trying to get some form of reaction from you out of her new found beau or..beau's?

 

Or if you really want to make things hard on yourself...yes she could still like you and is testing the waters.

However, I prefer the former scenario to the latter.

God Speed son.

[NJRon]

I imagine it has less to do with her "liking you" and more to do with her own insecurities in general. Whether it is getting jealous of the women you are with or pointing you out to guys she's with (to either see that you notice her with other guys, or to show them that she has been with someone else). I would totally chalk it up to her lack of self-esteem and not read anything into it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I agree that it sounds more like issues she's having than that she may still like you.

 

What would it mean to you if a bunch of responses said we thought it meant she still iked you? What would that mean to you? Do you want that to be the case?

 

I agree with who said she's really making a fool of herself and I actually pity the guys she's with. HOw humiliating.

 

I do think, as you said, it seems a bit hard to ignore but if I were you, I would find a different/obscure pub to hang out in for a while. If she finds you, post back!

[blender]

Like so many exes, thier "actions" say so much more about them then it does about feelings for you... it's always about them, thier insecurities, thier need for a fix of emotional power over the person they made a CHOICE to let go of...

 

I'm sorry you are "hoping' there is deeper meaning here, and of course there might be, but I guess in the long run it depends on what kind of "emotional depth" YOU are looking for in a relationship... and these actions are very shallow, reactive and selfish.. I'm sure part of her regrets that she let you go, but what is she ACTUALLY CHOOSING TO DO ABOUT IT??? Play games in a club of "look at me and who I'm with right now"...ugh..

 

This girl just seems very young, immature, and insecure, and a bit manipulative, and it's best for you to live within your own standards/values and continue to be a gentlemen, and unless she directly states an intention to you about wanting to "try again" then I wouldn't take any of her "interactions at clubs" as a sign of anything more then her "momentary emotional need in any given moment"...

 

reacting to her "moments" with your own heart is not worth it, if anything "meaningful" is happening for her towards you emotionally she would have to make a "direct effort" to let you know, anything less, is well, just that: LESS.

 

And you deserve so much more in your love life... for right now, just know that her behavior indicates VERY STRONGLY that she's NOT ready to be in a "real relationship" with anyone, so protect your own heart and for today build up your life without her, if in the future she "grows enough" and wants to try again with you, she will have to make her "intentions very clear".. you deserve no less...

 

hang in there, and try to avoid going to clubs where you know she might be... it will empower you to know that she can not just see you because of conveniant circumstance, and if she does have any true regrets, she will then have to "contact you directly" to say how she's feeling, so stay away from her circle for awhile.. it will help you heal, and make her wonder/think/reflect....

[bikjj]

I agree with you all. I didnt mention it that she used to break up with me, make me feel small, and humilate me in front of other people. She has also done some horrid things. I had lost my confidence to the point where she actually saved me by splitting up with me. The thing is I am stronger for the experience but the she has just been confusing me with this coming right next to me and parading men in front of me things. You are right 'Journey05' it is the the sweet smell of emotional manipulation...strange she still has this power. She had always pulled my strings and now she has suddenly doing it again.

 

I guess when you say things as you have above, it really is her with the problem. i aint dated anyone for a year to heal myself and build my confidence. I have had interest but not ready yet.