Angry and Scared...

[MissyJ]

Well, not sure where to start but i suppose the beginning is a good place. Simon and i started dating a about a year and a half ago. He was married but his wife left him 3 weeks after they got married. I didnt come along until a while after that, but he was sorting a few things out with her. I supported him through this, even when after she had moved out of his house he came home one day to find her shagging someone in his kitchen. (messed up i know), but like i said i stood by him and helped him through it all. That was sorted and everything was great between us, were from the very beginning, sex was amazing, we had the same sense of humour everything i thought was perfect. He would say things to me like he wanted to have children in a couple of years but wanted to be married to me first etc so i thought he really loved me too. My family really liked him and i got on well with his family too.

We moved in together after about 6 months because i was always round his anyway.

This year we booked a holiday to Egypt and were both looking forward to it all year. We were having a stressful time both tired with work and lots of things on our minds and we started getting a bit grumpy with each other but it was always sorted before bedtime!

We went on holiday and 2 days into it i found a picture of another woman on his phone... i asked who it was, he replied a woman from work, she work in a different area and he said he had only met her twice... ??? Only met her twice, why did he have a picture of her. Anyway we didnt really fall out about it i was just confused. Then he told me he wanted to split up??? What the hell? where did that come from?

I asked if it had anything to do with her, he said no nothing he just felt we had drifted apart.

Fine so we came back from the holiday a week early.

As soon as we got home i packed my things and went back to my mum and dads.

Simon told me he went out that afternoon and the following day with and old friend. I didnt believe him.

He lied to me constantly about everything over the next couple of weeks. I then found out from his brother that the woman on his phone was from his previous job and he went to see her the day we got off the plane!

I rung this woman at work to try and find out the truth. She hung up on me. So i rang back, i was not unpleasant i just said to her "look i dont care whats been going on, or whats going to happen, i just want to know woman to woman dont you think i deserve the truth?

He had been seeing her for a while, im not totally sure how long but he was unfaithful.

 

After Simon had been to see this woman before i found out about her he was trying to kiss me and hug me and touch my bum and stuff, i told him to get lost.

 

Then i was away studying and he rang me to ask when and how was i going to start paying him back for the holiday? ARE YOU CRAZY?

SInce he has asked me to be friends. I dont think so mate.

 

How can i ever ever ever trust anyone again? After someone made everyone in our lives that he was head over heels in love with me and then be a complete evil man.

 

I cant even begin to explain how hurt i am by this strangers behaviour.

 

Can anyone shed any light on this, i just want to know im going to be ok in the end, i dont want him to cause an effect on my future relationships.

[StaceyMay]

I think Simon is either extremely immature or there was something going on within your relationship that was and has been upsetting him for a while now.

Have you called to ask him what gave him the desire to cheat and if there was something wrong in your relationship that could have justified his affair? I think you deserve to know exactly why he did what he did and with the answers you can understand if it was miscommunication between the two of you or just a permiscuous man.

 

Hope this helps you!

[redsuede]

Well, First of all. I am so sorry. I can relate to the pain and suffering you are going through. I guess the first thing is he showed you that he is a cheater, as this is how your relationship was started, right? I understand this one as my last relationship started out that way too. I remember thinking to myself this should worry me, and of course, I was cheated on quite a bit. Dont give up on trust. Just learn to see the red flags before it takes its toll on you, which it did this time. You were with him a long time, so its like starting your life over. Have you thought about new things to do?

[redsuede]

Sorry Stacy, I dont think there is ever a "Justified affair". No one deserves to be cheated on

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi MissyJ. You will be fine, but of course, it will take time. The one blessing in disguise is that you found out sooner than later the true character of Simon. Thank God you weren't married to him after discovering the truth. But I am sure that is cold comfort at a time like this--You are hurting, and it's real. The pain lessens with time, but the soul needs lots of nurturance to mend.

 

Most men are not like Simon. There are some bad seeds in this world, and strangely enough, the kind souls often to find them--That's because we see the best in people--Love wants to see the best in people---You truly loved this man, and you were taken advantage of. It seems Simon callously used your affection and companionship to get him through a rough patch in his life. His actions were damaging. His behaviours have no excuse except for immaturity and selfishness. These are not the qualities that make a man marriage material, or romantic interest material. It's best that he has left your life.

 

And that's because you are worth more than the suffering these kind of men cause. Your heart was meant to be comforted and your soul, body and mind were meant to be loved and adored, not lied to and used.

 

Remaining true to your kind and good nature means you leave space in your life for a right and true man. Simon is only one man out of billions of men--He doesn't have the power to ruin your life. He is ruining his own life, and let him do it. You, on the other hand, have the chance he does not--The chance for a REAL relationship, based on love, trust and honor. And that is something to be hopeful about.

 

As the pain subsides, as the tears dry, as the smiles return, your soul will have cleansed itself, learned some new things about life, worked through the trauma, and now can emerge a little wiser, a little deeper, a little brighter---Because when we have seen the worst in people, we instinctively hope stonger for the best.

 

Drop Simon's cold and selfish presense from your mind--He was only a temporary blip in your full and rich life. No one can own your happiness except you! And that's good news, because your destiny is ready to provide loving people for you. REAL friends. REAL love. There is a lot to look forward to.

 

The hurt will lessen. The wounds shall heal. Love cuts through the pain. Blessings flow again.

[MissyJ]

Thank you romantic sweetheart and redsuede, i know you are right it just so hard to see through the fog that is pain at the moment. Redsuede, simons and my relationship didnt start until way after he was single, i didnteven know him when he was with his wife.

Staceymay, i can see where you are coming from but there is never any excuse for cheating, if he was unhappy he should of talked to me first. Which he did not! I had no indication that anything was wrong, i felt and he made me believe that we were happy.

[redsuede]

Oh.. I am sorry. I misunderstood. The best thing you can do now is focus on YOU, not him. You need it so much right now, and please know, it will get better. It will not feel like it now, but eventually you will see it does get better. You didnt deserve this. Start thinking now of what you want to start doing with your time.