Retired parents don't understand value of time

[Sally57chevy]

My Mother does NOT understand the value of time. She is retired, NOT that she has ever had a 'career', and does not understand how difficult it is for my husband and I to travel 4 hours over a weekend to visit a home I never grew up in, to talk about nothing we have in common. When she visits me, it's difficult enough, just to prepare the home...... To take an entire weekend of driving, for a few hours of visitation, just to make a point with her ( point for her, we traveled) is ridiculous. My Father is not the same. He does not judge me based on the number of trips made to his house versus mine. Yet, my Mother is supposed to be the HERO. Does anyone see the problem here? If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, QUACKS??? I know, I know...respect thy ..... sorry forgot....

 

My Mom is selfish, and not easy to be around..... How do I find a 'common ground'? Realize my life is over a 50-60 hour week, breadwinner in a two-income family WITH a 3 yr old who really doesn't like to be around me because I'm the 'bad' guy....eat your veggies, brush your teeth, get dressed before cartoons.... Why does everyone hate me?? (it's NOt paranoia but a new job which makes no use of my focal experience) My husband works hard around the house.....to secure his hunting schedule. I am mature, smart, 'used to be 'cute and making lots of money...just 4 years ago(single part).. Now I'm married (not something I had to have) and a Mother (not something I had to have, but appreciate) and I've completely lost every ounce of confidence and personal security I ever had. How do I ever get it back? I feel locked into a 'chapter' that I'm unable to exit. I've lost me......

[shikashika]

hmnn... I don't know the whole story...

 

but i think its sad that people would put their career and 'its too much driving time' before their family

 

I guess I see far too often there's not enough respect for parents in our society... in many cultures you wouldn't dream of treating your mum like this..

 

as I said, I don't know the whole story, BUT I think today, too many peopele don't see their family when they only live a few hours drive away... my 2 cents

[Sally57chevy]

Isn't my family my husband and child? IF my Mother is retired and traveling...wouldn't it be much easier for her to add us to their itinerary?

[annie24]

hey - put your foot down! I'm sure you are still cute, so don't be hard on yourself.

 

I agree, i think it makes more sense for your mom to drive out to see you. you need to protect your sanity first and foremost and it can be difficult between your work and family and cleaning the house, etc... to find extra time to see your mom every week. I would cut it down to once a month, hopefully alternating between her visiting you and you visiting her.

 

just tell her flat out that you have a lot to do, and when you are not watching your child or at work, you have so many errands to do around the house.

 

or maybe, she can take your son for the weekend, while you and your hubby relax a bit?

[avman]

When your parents die, you'll regret all the trips you never made because "it takes too long" or "its too inconvenient". Your parents are in the sunset of their life and you really never know how much time you have.

 

Try to come to a reasonable compromise. Perhaps meeting in the middle might work. Or alternating locations to split up the driving. Or fly. There's always a way if you communicate with each other.

[englishwoman41]

This is one of the results of modern living. I know how you feel but i am lucky to have my mom near to me. I do appreciate your problem though and i think that a lot of retired parents dont seem to grasp that life is tougher than they had it in the 50s and 60s.

If your parents are demanding with you then try and sit them down and explain that you have a limited amount of hours and that maybe it would be good if they came to see you and their grandchild more often in your home.

Sometimes, my dad would call me at really inconvenient times and i explained to him that i was unable to take calls when im cooking and trying to sort out my daughter but he never understood why i couldnt drop everything to take his calls and would get quite hostile with me. Dad died and i miss him but he still never could understand why i wasnt more able to drop everything and talk to him at a certain time that he called. He had all day to call me as i was at home but he chose to call me at the same time every night. If your momma objects and gets upset then thats something she will have to deal with but be firm and explain to her.