very scary moment

[thegirl_00]

Ok this is going to sounds like a very dangerous and violent post, but I just need to let someone know about what happened between me and my boyfriend this weekend.

 

My boyfriend had a party at his house and we both got really really drunk lol, to say the least. everything was good until my boyfriend smoked weed and I got mad cuz he didn't tell me (yea i over reacted, but i was drunk lol) So because I was mad i decided to stand infront of the door so he temporarly couldn't get by. Instead of my boyfriend using the other door to get by he decided to break the door and slam it on my face. tihs threw me accross the floor and out through the front door onto the ice. I was SOO enraged and drunk that I started calling him a wife beater and i ran to find him and punched him in the face.

 

Then we started to get along again because we were drunk and decided to just keep having a good time, but once everyone left things got really scary. I brought up how he slammed the door on my face and how wrong i thought it was. then he started blamming it on me and saying it was my fault. Then things got really intense and we were yelling like crazy at eachother and swearing and I went to punch him again (didn't go over too well though) and then he grabbed me, dragged me accross his kitchen and threw me up against the kitchen wall. he had me pinned up and it looked like he was going to knock me out but then he brought himself together and started crying.

 

Yea that all sounds pretty nuts, but me and my boyfriendhave been going out for 9 months now and hes NEVER laid a finger on me, nor have I on him until this weekend. I'm certain this was all caused by alcohol and we both agreed to not drink for a REALLY long time lol.

 

My friends think that what he did was really horrible, but I'm feeling just as guilty. The only reason hes getting more of the blame is because he started the fight and because hes a guy. He is CLEARLY was stronger then I am but Is that a good enough reason to think hes more to blame? Just curious.

[EmptyPromises]

I think you where both to blame in this. No more drugs an alcohol! (At least excessively for the alcohol )

[doyathink]

It's never right to hit and to do it to someone who is drunk is only going to cause a bigger fight. I find it odd that a woman would think that they wont get hit back when they hit a man. Alcohol can make a person do strange things, it's a really good idea that the two of you stop drinking. Hope your ok.

[forza2]

You two are scary! Sounds like neither of you have self control.

[englishwoman41]

This relationship sounds very toxic and i would stop seeing him if i were you.If he has been violent then take it as a red flag warning. It will happen again so get out now.

[yeawutever]

Drunk or sober, it still doesn't make an excuse to hit someone, esp. a beloved one. The only thing alcohol makes is lower down your inhibition, but the action within the person was always there, meaning both him and you tend to react like this naturally. Might as well the two of you either cut down the alcohol and go to anger management or split up. Seems this relationship is getting toxic and don't be surprise if one day you or him end up with a black eye or the two of you get arrested.

[Its_B]

It does not matter who is more at fault here. I think you should break up now and deal with your issues separately, I don't think this is a healthy relationship.

[Helen67]

Actually I feel more sorry for your b/f, not meaning to offend you. It's just how you wrote how he got himself in check and starting crying.

 

It sounds to me that he most defintely is NOT a violent man, and in normal circumstances would like to keep the peace with all and sundry.

 

You brought out a nasty side to him, which really upset him. I can imagine he would be quite a passive drinker, just wanting to chill and chat.

 

As much as you should both not put yourselves under the influence too excessively, I think you are more of a handful than he is in those situations.

 

I know, I've been there, I could get very mean after too many, and not pleasent to be around. I am much better now at knowing my limit, and stop if I feel I could get out of hand.

 

But if you do this on more occasions, he will truly eventually not want to be with you, cos he is a nice guy, and doesn't need that kind of hassle...I think anyway.

 

Stop talking about it with your friends, otherwise it will continue to stay today's news, drop it and it's tomorrow's garbage!

 

All the best ....Helen.

[yeawutever]

Sounds liek you are excusing her b/f's action. There's never an excuse to hit, the only exception to the rule would be under life threatening situations if it was only use in self-defense.

[Helen67]

It's not about excusing him, it's about pushing another person too far. She admitted she instigated both fights. It is a absolutely normal reaction for someone to lash out when they have been hurt, and has been pointed out, that no one should assume to attack another person without getting the same back.

 

We are not living in the 1950's films here, where a woman can stand there and slap a man's face or beat on his chest, and the man is supposed to take it!

 

Example...A good friend (male) who would NEVER in normal circumstances lift a finger to a woman, smacked a woman accross the face..Why? Because she thought it was funny to kick him in his privates (something that should never be done to any man, except in self defence, ever), his natural reflex cos of his pain made him lash out. Does this make him a woman abuser...No it does not, it makes him a human being!

 

And like I said, I also was a terrible drunk, and would attack my b/f at the time, he had every right to defend himself, I got what I deserved! This man would never have attacked me, if I hadn't him. He was a good man that didn't deserve such treatment, it does happen.

 

Not every man who lashes out is a woman beater, that's all I'm saying, and I may add, am correct about.

 

Helen.

[yeawutever]

You're still excusing bad behavior. So let's say me and b/f have an argument, in which he started the whole fighting and then shoves me, in which in return I kick him where it hurts the most, what would that make me then?

 

And NO, no ones deserves to be hit. According to her post, on the first occasion he's the one that first hit her when he threw the door at her, in which she replied back by punching him.

[yeawutever]

And like I said, I also was a terrible drunk, and would attack my b/f at the time, he had every right to defend himself, I got what I deserved! This man would never have attacked me, if I hadn't him. He was a good man that didn't deserve such treatment, it does happen.

 

Not every man who lashes out is a woman beater, that's all I'm saying, and I may add, am correct about.

 

Helen.

 

Actually what you deserved was getting thrown in jail for assault and alcohol addicts program.

 

 

[yeawutever]

Example...A good friend (male) who would NEVER in normal circumstances lift a finger to a woman, smacked a woman accross the face..Why? Because she thought it was funny to kick him in his privates (something that should never be done to any man, except in self defence, ever), his natural reflex cos of his pain made him lash out. Does this make him a woman abuser...No it does not, it makes him a human being!Helen.

 

Society will always be bias you know. If he replies too hard, like smacking her accross the face, as if he were to do it to a guy, by the time they do knock on the door, that would be it for him, he's would then find himself criminally charged.

 

[Helen67]

You must lead a very very innocent life Ailec, when apparently everyone who makes mistakes, or shows reflexes to pain are criminals and should be thrown in jail.

 

And no I was not an alcohol addict! I didn't drink everyday, actually just weekends, but I was younger then and wilder, and didn't control it well.

 

Does everyone in your eyes need therapy?

 

Helen

[Helen67]

Oh and btw, don't assume to judge me or who I am as a person.

 

I gave my opinion, which I have every right to do, without offending any other poster. I used my own personal experience to get *my* point accross.

 

I answered you OP to me about me defending her b/f, and I gave my point of view.

 

I do not expect my own experience which I did in good faith, to give you a chance to take a cheap shot at me, about thrown in jail or alcohol addicts.

 

You may have sent over 3,000 posts here and feel like you have an answer to everything, at the ripe old age of 19!

 

I personally have been out and about, since that age, and have lived quite abit.

 

This will probably get deleted, because I have offended an *old timer*. But be very careful how you write to ppl!

 

You have no right to make any assumption about others, just because you are set in *your* ways.

[yeawutever]

I wasn't making any assumptions. I was basically stating what happens in the real world, and yes people do get lock up in jail for abusing others. Notice I never stated what type of person you are (good, bad, selfish), no where in my post did I say that, I just stated what happened in the real world. In the OP's post, I wouldn't defend anyone as boht of them are guilty for acting like children.

Drinking is not about consuming to excess until you get wasted, it's about chilling and having a normal convo. If you drank before and yet you still can't figure out what your body tolerance is with alcoholic beverages than you have a problem, otherwise you would know how much your body can tolerate when it comes to alcohol (I'm fully aware that if I drink 3 beers and gallop them all down I'll likely either throw myself in the floor as be like screaming so there would be no excuse anymore, when it's your first time drinking fine, other than that it's your fault).

[thegirl_00]

Helen is actaully right in many ways. When I read her reply it was almost like she was describing exactly what happened and knew my boyfriend personally. He is a very gental layed back guy and I did push him over the edge. I do feel as though I made him lose it, but on the other hand im also laid back and he feels as though he made me lose it as well. We've both come to the decision that we're equally to blame and we don't want to drink for awhile lol.

[Anotherday]

Alright, I am going to jump in here. I've worked for nine months in a domestic violence shelter. I've seen a lot and learned a lot in that time. First, Ailec is right about alcohol not being the cause of the abuse. It was a shock for me to learn that, but it's true. An abuser is an abuser, and what alcohol does is make it easier for that part of one's personality to surface. It is not the cause. It may be present.

 

Women abuse too. You don't hear about it often, but there's a well validated study out there that substantiates the data and it's shocking. You should check out a website called link removed

 

Having said all this, it's not ok either way. I agree with the poster who said to get anger mgmt classes or split up and I think that applies to both parties here. The one thing that isn't appropriate in DV situations is couple's counseling. It's not about that. Abuse is abuse.

[Helen67]

Helen is actaully right in many ways. When I read her reply it was almost like she was describing exactly what happened and knew my boyfriend personally. He is a very gental layed back guy and I did push him over the edge. I do feel as though I made him lose it, but on the other hand im also laid back and he feels as though he made me lose it as well. We've both come to the decision that we're equally to blame and we don't want to drink for awhile lol.

 

I thinks it's good that you've both talked it through with one another, and both realise the errors.

 

I suppose I saw your b/f in a better light cos of my own wrong doings thegirl-20, so I placed more of the responsibilty on your head, and for that I apologise .

 

Maybe the drinking is not the problem, and there are issues with you two, that go deeper....But only you and your b/f know that.

 

Me personally, I hope all the best for the both of you, we are all allowed to make mistakes in life, nobody's perfect, and most of us learn from them.

 

Take care...Helen