How to deal with tough breakups

[confused25]

Well . . . it finally happened. My bf came last night and broke up with me. I was surprisingly calm, maybe because I had a feeling that it was going to happen sooner or later. We had broken up once before but got back together after a week. I must say that I took it better this time than the last. I'm planning on spending lots of time with friends to help get my mind off things. With that said, I still couldn't stop myself from feeling scared and alone. We've been together for almost 2 years and the relationship felt like my security blanket, more so than any of my past relationships. I've always thought that I'm a very independent woman . . . but I guess I was wrong. I've never realized how dependent I was on this relationship. Where do I go from here? I know I need some time off to just be around with family and friends before I get back into the dating scene again. I'm just scared of having to go through all that again, and I really don't think that I would ever have the desire to meet anybody else again after being with my ex. Sorry for my ramblings! Not really sure what I'm looking for . . . but I guess I just needed to hear some feedback on some of the positive experiences that people have gone through after a tough breakup. I could use some cheering up right now

 

Ahh, felt so much better just getting that off my chest

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

I was browsing other posts of you, to see what led to the break up but I found nothing? What happened, you seem to say it was inevitable ('it finally happened'). I am so sorry for your pain, I know how it is! It's good that you are planning to spend a lot of time with friends and family. I am sure that will make you feel so much better. You don't need to go back dating straight away. If anything, I think it is better to wait until you are sure you are ready to move on and meet new people.

 

The cheer up: this too will pass, really! You were happy before you met him, you also will be now that it is over. It just takes some time...

 

Ilse

[Goldfish6888]

I came accross some really good books from Louise Hay. You might want to take a look at some of her approaches to life and healing our lives etc...

 

Break-ups take a while to get over. It is hard. No words I say will console you. You will have up and down days....but they are your journey to recovery. I felt numb for the first few weeks as he was in my thoughts everyday and I had to try and edit him out of my thoughts. I would have panic attacks.

 

Now I'm back to my positive optimistic self. Talk whenever you need to here...I found it really helped me...even if it was only to VENT!

[confused25]

Thanks for the words of encouragment guys

 

ilse - I don't think I have really posted any issues we had regarding our relationship on here yet. So basically we both realized that we're just two really different people, and that we have different expections and interests. And I guess he was looking for someone that's more similar to him. So it's basically that, and the fact that he couldn't get over something that I have done in the past. And no, I didn't cheat on him nor any of my ex-boyfriends. I had a FWB relationship with someone before him and he can't seem to put that behind him (I've only slept with him once btw). I think he tried really hard to forget about what happened but he couldn't. And that somehow made him feel really insecure about himself in some ways. And he feels that every time when he's with me, he'll always think of what I've done with that guy and it makes him feel sick to the stomach. I've realized that it was something stupid that I had done and I even told him that. But I guess he just can't see me past that and he'll always think of me as being that "promiscuous" girl. He's very conservative by the way. Every time when we fight he brings that up and sometimes he just makes me feel so low and dirty.

[Momene]

The best thing I can tell you is that I've had 2 break-ups (including a marriage) that have REALLY hurt me badly BUT I've got over them and now been married (for the 2nd time) for 17 years and we have a great daughter, who's just turned 16.

 

You can live without a partner and you can replace them if you want/need to.

 

Others have been there before you.

 

Good luck.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I wouldn't like a guy who would used your past against you whenever there is an argument arise. He need to understand that the current argument issues are not related to your past. A is A, while B is B. Don't jumble them together.

 

We need to separate the past and present. He should respect your honesty to tell him your shadowly past and does not held it against you for whatever benefits he gets from making you feel guilty.

[confused25]

Yeah I think in some ways I kind of regret that I told him about the FWB relationship. I think sometimes there are some personal things that are better off left unsaid. Do you guys agree?

 

We have arguments from time to time on other issues but this is one of the major ones that we've fought over. He thinks that I might have the potential of cheating on him because what I did makes me seem like a very "sexual" person. But I don't think that's a fair assumption at all. I have never and would never cheat on any of my boyfriends.