porn I found on my gf's laptop

[twentyOnE]

Hello fellow people.

I've had this bottled up for about one week and it's eating me up inside and I'd like to get your opinion before I actually act upon my situation.

 

background:

I'm 24 and my gf is 26.

my gf let me use her computer while I was over at her place, and I also use it to download certain things. well I accidentally deleted one of her picture on her desktop instead of what I intended to delete so I went into her recycling bin to take it out and I see deleted pornography(videos).

I found straight up male/female sex, female/female sex, and male and multiple females. but no female/multiple male.

 

current situation:

I really don't know how to approach this...

Is she bisexual? I'm a male and I would never watch male on male videos but she has girl on girl videos...

If not, is it likely she can turn into one? Why would a straight heterosexual female watch to watch a girl on girl scene?

does it turn a girl on?

 

I don't know how to approach her with this. I don't want her to think I was snooping around her computer behind her back when it was totally accidental.

But I am planning to confront her bc it's tearing me up inside and giving me second thoughts about her.

 

I'd really like if someone can share their experience and explain why a heterosexual female would be watching girl on girl videos.

thanks.

[Momene]

Could be curiosity/fantasy. I'd only worry if she were exchanging sexually explicit messages with others.

[twentyOnE]

Could be curiosity/fantasy. I'd only worry if she were exchanging sexually explicit messages with others.

 

well I saw some of the dates that it was created.

it's been DL since 2005 and up to the current date.

 

Honestly, it doesn't make me feel like a good enough man/bf for my gf to be watching pornography.

[agent1607307371]

Pornography is about tension release and is nothing to do with you or your role in her life.

 

Straight women can be turned on by just as many sexual variencies as anyone else.

[shikashika]

maybe she just likes porn?

 

anything wrong with that?

 

I'd say don't worry about it... just ask her if you can watch it together!

[twentyOnE]

should i confront her about it?

explain how I came accross it?

[Momene]

Put one of the pics as her screen background.

[twentyOnE]

Put one of the pics as her screen background.

 

btw, these are videos.

and i don't think that's a mature way to approch this.

[jsx730]

I woulnd't make this into a problem.

 

It doesn't mean she's gay, it doesn't even mean she's bi.

 

F/F porn is usually gentler, more erotic, and more woman-friendly then porn involving males. My girlfriend (although she is bi) prefers f/f porn because "woman are more physically attractive then men". Most women don't appreciate watching some girl get pounded like meat and then came upon.

 

Making a big deal about this would just be detrimental to your relationship. Don't feel inadequate just because your girlfriend watches porn. You can't always be around for her pleasure lol.

[Dazzerg]

Well I think its original to see a man have some insecurities caused by porn and I dont think that just because the poster is male his insecurities should be dismissed, after all women often feel the same in the reverse position.

 

Having said that I would agree that porn is about fantasy and maybe exploring things in that realm they would never explore in real life so, no, it doesnt mean shes necessarily bi or gay. I agree that you shouldnt make a big deal of it because it is purely fantasy and would agree that id only worry if there were some form of messages.

 

If it truly bothers you then you should raise it but in a non-confrotnational manner.

[sparkle1]

what did you mean doesn't make you feel like a man that your gf watches porn?!!?

 

My bf love the fact i watch it - and not only watch it but get turned on by it!

 

I think you are "making a mountain out of a mole hill"

 

She watches coz she is interested. I watch girl on girl and get excited - and i am straight.

 

She's done nothing wrong!!

 

why don't you ask her if she'd like to watch it with you? make it something special you share rather then thinking its some sordid secret?!

 

p.s - does she know about the porn you watched in the past???? i bet she doesn't.

[texami]

jsx said a lot of good things... and i'm glad you want to use a mature approach to this situation, cause that background screen advice was not good...

 

liking the way a woman's body looks and thinking that women are sexy does not mean you are bisexual in the sense that you want to participate. and you said there were various kinds of sexual situations in her 'collection', so it's likely she enjoys looking at variations. to me and to most women i know who enjoy ocasional porn, it is actually a way to enhance your real life sex. you get ideas, you see people enjoying themselves, and it is a turn on that you can carry to your own bedroom.

 

don't take it personally... if you want to have a talk about it with her, just tell her how you feel without saying she's done something wrong, because she hasn't.

 

good luck!

[twentyOnE]

jsx730, Dazzerg,

 

great post. thanks. it makes me feel a bit better and I guess I can see where you're coming from.

 

Any advice on how i should approach this?

I mean, I don't see any signs that she's gay/bi or change in the relationship - but can there be a chance she might take it the wrong way and lose trust in me? I don't want her to think in the back of her head that i'm always going through her stuff behind her back.

 

thanks again.

[jsx730]

Well I think its original to see a man have some insecurities caused by porn and I dont think that just because the poster is male his insecurities should be dismissed, after all women often feel the same in the reverse position.

 

I would have told the poster the same thing regardless of the gender.

 

It always strikes a nerve when I see people making a big deal about porn.

 

If it's not on your computer/TV screen, it's going to be in your head anyways.

[jsx730]

jsx730, Dazzerg,

 

great post. thanks. it makes me feel a bit better and I guess I can see where you're coming from.

 

Any advice on how i should approach this?

I mean, I don't see any signs that she's gay/bi or change in the relationship - but can there be a chance she might take it the wrong way and lose trust in me? I don't want her to think in the back of her head that i'm always going through her stuff behind her back.

 

thanks again.

 

The only thing you should do if you confront her about it, is say "Hey, lets watch porn together!" However, don't do that unless you think she'd be into it. Otherwise, just let it slide without drawing attention to it.

 

EDIT: You know, you don't even have to mention that you found her porn. It might be hard to explain how you found it. If you do mention, use a very light-hearted almost joking tone. If you're at all on the offense, she'll be on the defense.

[amtjrtcet]

current situation:

I really don't know how to approach this...

Is she bisexual? I'm a male and I would never watch male on male videos but she has girl on girl videos...

 

 

I'd really like if someone can share their experience and explain why a heterosexual female would be watching girl on girl videos.

thanks.

 

I am a COMPLETE HETEROSEXUAL FEMALE. But I have to admit, watching female on female is a little bit of a turn on.

I wouldn't question her sexuality.

[jsx730]

The other way to look at this could be...

 

They were in the Recycling Bin for a reason.

[sparkle1]

I am a COMPLETE HETEROSEXUAL FEMALE. But I have to admit, watching female on female is a little bit of a turn on.

I wouldn't question her sexuality.

 

Michelle and i are right on this one i think you shouldn't question her sexuality just becoz of this one thing....

 

Sorry if i've made your insecurities seem small - it wasn't intentional. Us girls always think that you men love us to watch porn - clearly in some cases that isn't the case

 

X

[pinkelephant]

i dont think watching porn while in a relationship is a small issue... i mean if i were to be in a relationship with someone.. i'd give them my all and expect them to give me their all. Meaning, they can't get off thinking of someone else.

 

That's kind of like cheating to me. 0_0. i think im weird.

[sparkle1]

i dont think watching porn while in a relationship is a small issue... i mean if i were to be in a relationship with someone.. i'd give them my all and expect them to give me their all. Meaning, they can't get off thinking of someone else.

 

That's kind of like cheating to me. 0_0. i think im weird.

 

 

I think its all about how you view porn!

 

I don't think it is cheating personally. Also for women...its more the visualisation of the people then the actual porn...

 

I think porn is healthy - i would much rather my BF got of to porn whilst i was unavailable then to go out and do it with someone for real....

 

everyone has there opinions...

 

X

[justpaisley]

It's okay to not want your partner to watch porn. I, like pinkelephant, consider it a form of infidelity. Be honest with her - say something offhand like "I found your porn," then smile about it. Let her know that you're not angry or anything, but her watching porn brings up a lot of insecurities in you. Work it out together. If she wants to continue watching porn, you have to decide if that's something you're okay with in a relationship. Either way, both of you need to be open and honest with each other, and if she's actually hiding the porn from you, that's a problem. Does anyone else use her computer?

[pinkelephant]

I think its all about how you view porn!

 

I don't think it is cheating personally. Also for women...its more the visualisation of the people then the actual porn...

 

I think porn is healthy - i would much rather my BF got of to porn whilst i was unavailable then to go out and do it with someone for real....

 

everyone has there opinions...

 

X

 

what about if he got off thinking of someone real? is it different?

& why cant he get off thinking of YOU when youre away?

[jsx730]

i dont think watching porn while in a relationship is a small issue... i mean if i were to be in a relationship with someone.. i'd give them my all and expect them to give me their all. Meaning, they can't get off thinking of someone else.

 

That's kind of like cheating to me. 0_0. i think im weird.

 

Opinions like this make me bang my head against a wall.

 

Not to be mean, or insensitive, but...

 

this kind of thinking is just self destructive and immature.

 

Porn is not cheating anymore then fantasizing about a celebrity.

 

The more "laws" or "restrictions" you put on a relationship, the more chance of them being broken, and problems being caused.

[Momene]

Well, although it isn't for me, for some it's a dealbreaker. You have to agree and respect each other's boundaries and if you can't it's bye bye time.

[someguy69]

What are you complaining about? Most men would be ecstatic over such a discovery!

 

Don't you realize that this could mean the possibility of a FMF threesome with you, your girlfriend and another girl?

 

If you're having second thoughts, break up with her so that some other lucky man can have her. Better yet, send her my way, and my girlfriend and I will fulfill her fantasy.