So how much does a guys looks really matter to a girl?

[Stinkweed]

I disagree; I definitely think looks are at least 90% of the equation.

 

I didn't say looks weren't important. But Believe me I know what I'm talking about when I say this: Personality will get you there and looks alone will not. Sure you can work on your personality not on your looks, etc, and I'm not gonna lie by sayin that I think good lookin guys have the same opportunities "ugly" guys have. But if a good lookin guy has no personality, he will get nowhere, period. The ugly guy with personality on the other hand will get there, even if it takes a little bit longer than it'd take if he had better looks.

 

And it's more than just personality man. You gotta be able to sell it/advertise it man, and that's where social skills and confidence come into play.

[CaptainPlanet]

if a good lookin guy has no personality, he will get nowhere, period.

 

- I am sorry, no, just no, omg no. Seriously though, how can you have no personality, everyone has a personality. I really do not understand where this entire personality concept has come from; it strikes me as fairly strange. You cannot rate someone’s personality like that, you can say that a person is charismatic or w.e but what you're talking about seems more to be the compatibility of two people.

 

Of course you're not going to get a long term relationship if you don't fit with the other person. But that’s nothing to do with attraction; the question was a vague one, so the answer is hard to give. What I think it is about is attracting women, this is the flirting and attraction forum, and the question was about how much looks matter to a girl. Flat out, how much do looks matter to a girl, they matter at least 90%. You do not get a chance to show how compatible you are with her, without her being attracted to you. Attraction is about looks!!! Else why would people dance, why would they wear clothes that highlight sex characteristics.

 

There is nothing more smug, than two really good looking people talking about how looks don't matter, how its all about personality, and she reckons shes attracted mostly to his intellect and good humour. I'm sorry, the day I see a drop dead gorgeous girl, dating a fat little balding bloke, or the gorrila like man with the body hair, because they have a lot to say ? because they have interesting things to say ? what the, F#$# is the mystical personality I keep hearing about. From where I stand it seems to be restricted to the young attractive person with nice teeth.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Flat out, how much do looks matter to a girl, they matter at least 90%. You do not get a chance to show how compatible you are with her, without her being attracted to you. Attraction is about looks!!! Else why would people dance, why would they wear clothes that highlight sex characteristics.

You are not every girl! You're not even a girl!

 

You have only a basic idea how a few women you have come in contact think. I say basic because unless you did extesive questioning of their tastes in men you are only guessing what they think

 

I am a woman and I am telling you what I think, when I look at a man as a potnetial date...

Looks are no where near 90% of my attraction, they maybe somewhere in the equation, but my basis for attraction makes looks a secondary feature and not an over all selling point. You

[CaptainPlanet]

You are not every girl either, and you're basing what you say only on your own experiences. I am just trying to be realisitic about this, and I came up with the figure of 90% because that is what I firmly believe. I think there are a lot of things that we see in a person, that we relate to their personality which are actually more a result of how someone looks.

 

Good looking people, I mean really good looking people tend to only date other really good looking people. Same goes for any level of physical attractiveness - in the meantime everyone says it doesn't matter. And they tell me I am wrong, but what I see, and what I have experienced tells me the complete opposite.

 

subconsciously ?

[CarnelianButterfly]

You are not every girl either, and you're basing what you say only on your own experiences. I am just trying to be realisitic about this, and I came up with the figure of 90% because that is what I firmly believe. I think there are a lot of things that we see in a person, that we relate to their personality which are actually more a result of how someone looks.

 

Good looking people, I mean really good looking people tend to only date other really good looking people. Same goes for any level of physical attractiveness - in the meantime everyone says it doesn't matter. And they tell me I am wrong, but what I see, and what I have experienced tells me the complete opposite.

 

subconsciously ?

I never said I was every girl, but as I have a vagina, I am more qualified to answer a question on what WOMEN think than a man.

 

I don't think integrity, intelligence, wit, self-awareness, personal goals, hobbies and such have been drastically influenced by the persons face. All of which are traits I look for, I don't make snap judgments based on someones face value. People are much more dynamic and diverse than the way the lumps of tissue are arranged on their bones.

[Carnatic]

I still think people only believe looks are the dominant factor because looks get considered first. When someone weighs up someone of the opposite sex, generally they will be looking at both appearance and personality. If either of these is unattractive the overall they will find the person unattractive. If she thinks a guy is ugly then he will be elimated at the first hurdle regardless of his personality. If a guy is good looking but has no personality then he will be eliminated at the second hurdle... it doesn't matter what came first, the fact looks are considered first with only guys she finds attractive considered for personality doesn't mean looks are more important.

 

Put it this way... imagine if a girl eyeing up guys in a room knew all their personalities as well, and considered their personalities first. The results would be exactly the same, a guy needs both looks and personality, with more of a 50/50 weighting to be attractive. But in this world a guy it's the guys with no personality that don't get a chance to prove their looks. And if you imagine you are a really good looking guy but who has no personality, still a nice guy so we can sympathise with him, but he is the most dull person in the world; then you would be constantly ignored by girls and you would think that personality is the only thing that mattered. the only difference is you get eliminated first instead of second.

 

What I'm trying to say is, it doesn't matter which order they get considered in, looks and personality are more or less equal parts of the attractiveness package. A guy with a captivating personality but who most girls don't find attractive might fall at the first hurdle most times but when a girl does find him attractive then he'll breeze the second hurdle.

[PrincessJOA]

Carnatic.. you so smart

[nicorette]

this is what i think:

to be initially attracted to someone, you have to at least liek soemthing about their physical appearance, but after getting to know them if youre not the best lookin person i dont think that it makes a difference.

[Stinkweed]

- I am sorry, no, just no, omg no. Seriously though, how can you have no personality, everyone has a personality. I really do not understand where this entire personality concept has come from; it strikes me as fairly strange. You cannot rate someone’s personality like that, you can say that a person is charismatic or w.e but what you're talking about seems more to be the compatibility of two people.

 

In my last short paragraphy I explained it's not personality really but how you SELL/ADVERTISE it. That's where social skills and confidence come into place. I know because I've LIVED it man. I've been both intro and extroverted (this one for a short period of time during my last years in HS), and I could tell how even more girls paid attention to me, etc. Before they would just glance, when I was all quiet and stuff (which I am once again) and sometimes smile and stuff, and they still do, but like I said, I've blown it a couple of times. But when I actually broke out of my shell, I could tell how much more attention I got from them. Girls do check good looking guys out, but they pretty much never go do the asking out, etc. In fact, if they're checking you out, it might be a sign they want YOU to go talk to her.

 

There is nothing more smug, than two really good looking people talking about how looks don't matter, how its all about personality, and she reckons shes attracted mostly to his intellect and good humour. I'm sorry, the day I see a drop dead gorgeous girl, dating a fat little balding bloke, or the gorrila like man with the body hair, because they have a lot to say ? because they have interesting things to say ?

 

Well I dunno about you, but I've seen it. Makes me feel even worse about myself only... well sometimes only, cause most of the time I'm happy I'm single cause I'd go mad if I had the extra-work that a relationship brings... But I have seen lots of Shreks, Napoleon Dynamites and Austin Powers with hot dates.

 

 

what the, F#$# is the mystical personality I keep hearing about. From where I stand it seems to be restricted to the young attractive person with nice teeth.

 

There's nothing mystical about being a dumba** like me (Yes, I'm putting myself down. I don't really do this in public, but hey, I'm depressed right now) vs. being confident and outgoing. And yes, higiene (clean teeth, decent skin, etc) are most essential, I believe if you wanna look presentable to girls (even if you aren't in top shape and if you don't have a full head of hair). And if your appearance matters so much to you, then go get in shape or something. Even if you don't have a "pretty" face, getting in shape will help you with your confidence. Don't get your shorts in a twist man, the fact that you posted here is because you wanna hear what other people think. And just like I doubt I'll ever convince you that I'm right (Though I wish I did. It's not God's/genetic's fault. If it were, my dating life wouldn't be almost non-existent), you will never convince me, cause I'm also talking about my personal experience.

[RelaxByWater84]

I'll be honest, looks are important to me and the way the guy handles his good looks. My roomie tells me I'm shallow. I just say I have great taste in men.

[CaptainPlanet]

People lie in surveys, its a fact.

[RelaxByWater84]

People lie in surveys, its a fact.

 

Was that directed towards me.

[Miss M]

Stinkweed, you're another one that really makes a LOT of sense. Well, I hope you can come out of your introversion and get on with it! Seems like all them "smarts" you got should be shared with some lucky girl!

[Sheyda]

People lie in surveys, its a fact.

 

Unless you can prove it is a fact it is nothing but your opinion.

[Stinkweed]

Stinkweed, you're another one that really makes a LOT of sense. Well, I hope you can come out of your introversion and get on with it! Seems like all them "smarts" you got should be shared with some lucky girl!

 

Heh, thank you. I'm tryin, but these last 2 weeks have been particularly hard. But hey, you made my day here. Thank you very much and best wishes.

[turqoise]

Hye there. My very first post, heehe.

 

If I`m honest, I`d say that unless someones really disfuguredly ugly or has some disgusting habits (like, say spitting when they talked), everyone`s good looking. There are some people who are just beautiful, but generally if you want someone to find you attractive, they`ll see it in your eyes. I know that if I met you, I`d think you were average (in a good way!) -looking, which is what I think about most guys, but then whether I kept talking to you would depend how you come accross when we talked.

[Carl5000]

Right, im average looking and im grateful for the fact. The grass is always greener applies here. Only become demoralised if something is of high value and your right at the bottom end of the scale. Like the lady above, say you look like woody allen. But, you look fine, from your pic.

 

I'm quietly confident i could pulll many woemn, even though i'm going though a lean spell. I believe my average looks, would be adequate for a good percentage of women and i could talk enough bs to have some success.

 

Being average, aint too bad, it could always be worse. Its all about CONFIDENCE. The only time its difficult to be confident, is if your terrible at something and its factual i.e low IQ etc and it becomes embrassing and humilating- for most ppl it isn't a problem. Looks aren't so important when your looking towards a relationship, friendship is the key and so many others aspects r more important.

 

The only thing i hate about rejection, isn't so much the rejection part, but women feeling they've gained the upper hand on the 'power' side of things and its said that power is more important than asethetics and happiness in some respects. Take world wars, or religious wars ppl r willin to risk their lives for what they believe in or the power of emotions say and putting urself in a elevated position and the satisfaction it gives u. Even sex, is about power in my eyes. Its everywhere from hitler/stalin to inbetween the sheets ahh.

[CaptainPlanet]

Looks don't matter much its just a really really really really big coincidence that good looking girls tend to only date good looking men. Am I being sarcastic, I don't even know anymore

[Carnatic]

Captain Planet, I think you're just demoralised by something in life. I don't know what you look like (and that's a good thing cos it means this can't be taken too personally) but I can only assume that you don't think you look very good, and that you're being passed over by girls because of this, and thereforeeee it seems that if only you were good looking you'd have no problem.

 

If you really aren't good looking then your chances will be limited, but this isn't because looks are the only thing that matters. Your chances would be just as limited if you were good looking but lacked personality. It's just that while the former doesn't get approached by girls often, the latter gets approached often but then they lose interest after talking to him. Every guy gets at least some female attention, if you have a good personality then when a girl eventually does like the way you look then that's the only hurdle you'll have to cross, cos she should love your personality.

 

But maybe you're wrong with your assessment of your own looks... most of us get that judgement wrong. Maybe you're really good looking, maybe you're average (and as Carl5000 said average is a great thing, I was well happy when I came to the conclusion that I was just an average guy with the same chances as any other), in any case you'd think you'd be getting more female attention. But physical attractiveness is interfered with by confidence. If you are good looking but you behave all down all the time and moan about how you are ugly and how the good looking guys get all the girls then that will be instantly unattractive.

 

And I don't think anyone here ever said looks don't matter at all... certainly not to the point that every guy is on an equal standing when it comes to attracting good looking girls. The way looks matter to you, when you class some girls as 'good looking girls' is the same as they way they matter to most people. But you're arguing that looks are almost the only thing that matters. You may want to give up the ghost just cos you aren't Brad Pitt, but the rest of us don't.

 

Remember when you talk about good looking girls and good looking guys, that looks, like personality are subjective. Sure there is an underlying objective scale on which certain people are better looking than others. But these better looking people don't necessarily trump everyone below them on the scale. They simply have a greater chance of being higher than others on the beholder's personal scale. Everyone has a different opinion on what is good looking. If you aren't that good looking compared this 'objective scale' then that just means that fewer people will find you attractive, but someone still will.

[CaptainPlanet]

The good looking guy will still get a chance and might succeed. He'll still be seen as sexual. The non good looking guy never got that chance, so he won't.

 

Btw I do get pretty girls, just no the stunners, I'm not stunning myself

[Carnatic]

The less good looking guy won't never get the chance, he'll just get fewer chances. And if he had a really great personality then he would make more of those chances, and so overall do better than a good looking guy with a really dull personality who blew all his chances. Got to remember, just cos the good looking guys may more often get given a chance to prove their worth personality-wise, they don't always succeed. and if they fail then they have done no better than the guy who isn't good looking and so didn't even get that chance.

[truthbetold]

I'm assuming when you are asking if your good looking you mean by todays "standards"?

 

When I was younger I used to have real problems getting a boyfriend, they pretty much had to be my friend first because if not they wouldn't give me the time of day. It was how I dressed, I don't think I'm particularly ugly but I wore baggy clothes and hoodies all the time. "Guys want a girl who dresses like a girl" I don't know how many times I heard that line and it's not completely true. I don't have to dress like a * * * * for my boyfriend to love me.

 

Anyways the point of my story is if you are just looking to have sex with hot girls then maybe these hot girls will not think your the best looking guy because they are more concerned about their own appearance and about what they think they would look like with you and how that will look to others.

 

If you are searching for a significant other look at the people you see around you a heavy guy with a skinny girl, or visa versa, a guy who you consider not good looking with a good looking girl, or visa versa. I personally don't think looks are everything, most guys who look good are either stuck up, snobby, or gay...but I have been proven wrong and notice I said most. And you have to remember everyone has different taste some girl that you tell your friend is hot he might be like ew. My boyfriend is overweight and I'm average even after having a child. He says I'm better looking than anyone he's been with (and looking at some of his exes I'd have to agree, not to say he's never been with some good looking girls because he has too) but him, I met him and ofcourse my first reaction was oh he's kinda big, but I gave him a chance and fell head over heels for him in one night.

 

So I guess it all comes down to if you want a significant other, or a sex buddy.

[Beec]

It all depends on the guy. Some guys only like big boobs, some only like small ones. Some like slim hips, others only big butts. Some like only blondes, brunettes or redheads, and not any of the others. Some only like blue, green or brown eyes. Some only will date a hottie, some actually prefer women I would think are grotesquely obese.

 

Each man has different tastes.

[Grokker]

Okayyyy... I think this is getting to be one of those things with Mars and Venus talking past each other.

 

If you listen to what the ladies on here have been saying... though their opinions differ in a lot of ways, one characteristic feature stands out very prominently. They all say, looks are *subjective*.

 

Yes indeed, from my experience, looks are an extremely subjective characteristic where women are concerned.

 

Now I know, looks are subjective for us men too. But not anywhere nearly so much as they are for women. Not even in the same order of magnitude.

 

Men, *by and large*, have a scale of 1 to 10 that they can *all* agree on for a woman's "hotness". Sure, some of us place particular emphasis on a particular characteristic... eyes, hair, legs, breast size, whatever. Some of us prefer a little extra to grab on to, others go for the supermodel physique. It matters not. Given the big picture, I believe that an objectivity in qualitative appreciation of the opposite sex's looks, is *much* more standardized for men, than for women.

 

We might differ on what is a 9 vs. a 9.5, in other words. But the broader steps up the ladder, we very largely agree on.

 

Consider this. Every one of those "how-to-be-a-Casanova" discussion boards for men out there, the ones with all the "tips and tricks", has this "scale of 1 to 10" as part of it's colloquial vocabulary. Every other post includes a phrase such as "she was a 9" or "a definite 7" or even "I'm a 4.5"... and all the male participants on there, seemingly, know exactly what the poster is talking about and identify accordingly. It's standardized enough to be a frame of reference, a broad context for discussing womens' looks. Men's looks too!

 

Could this be any more different from what Miss M is talking about with her friend? Have you *ever* heard women talking of men's looks on that 1-10 scale, except sometimes when they're just doing it to be funny in a raunchy way?

 

Consider also this. Who spends more time and money and effort, in general, on their appearance and beautification? Women, of course. They are the ones to whom the vast majority of cosmetics and clothes and hair products are marketed. Why would this be, except that women feel more pressured to conform to a standardized scale of what is and isn't "beautiful" or "attractive" to men in general? Because men have a much more standardized and objective scale of attractiveness that they go with. This has to do with men being the more visually inclined gender. Women *don't* have such a well-defined or agreed-upon scale, where guys are concerned.

 

Where am I going with all this? Well... I believe that because we men have such an objective, standardized way of grading a woman's looks... we tend to assume that women are the same way with respect to our looks... and they're not. Hence, any answer to the question "how much do a guy's looks matter to you" is not going to get you any useful datum except one. It's subjective.

 

In my whole life, I've personally known exactly *one* guy who was a "9" (or, so good looking on my scale that I'd expect women to rate him a 9, if they followed the same kind of objective scale that men do).

 

I've known maybe two guys who I would have called a "1" or a "2". Physical deformities, less than 4 feet tall.

 

But 99.99% of men I have known, occupy that vast unquantifiable expanse in between. And an individual woman might pick any of those guys and consider him a 3, or a 5, or an 8 for his looks according to her personal taste. We men have *no* way of knowing.

 

These days, I think of myself as a 5 or a 6 on the Mens' Scale of Physical Attractiveness. Maybe a 7 for women who liked tall men.

 

Here's the thing though.

 

I've had women respond to me as if I were a 4. You know, eyes meet for an instant, she looks sideways and walks on.

 

And I've had women respond to me as if I were an 8 at least... and damned if they didn't let me know it! Big warm smile, playing with their hair, a little oomph in the stride, wanting my attention.

 

Here's an even weirder thing... the way they responded to me, had *nothing* to do with the way they looked in my book. I've had everything from "3"s to "9"s respond to me as if I were a "4". Or less.

 

And, I've had women I consider 7s, 8s, and even 9s respond to me as if I were an 8 or 9.

 

Of course, when an 8 or 9 woman responds to me this way, my cardiac problem comes into play. My heart leaps from my thoracic cavity and out through my mouth. Then, I fumble about trying to pick it up while it flops around on the sidewalk doing a ventricular tattoo... and when I get it put back where it belongs, the woman in question is long gone. But I'm working on it. Scotch tape, a pacemaker, self-confidence... something will come along.

 

And then there's the cute girl, an easy 7, who works in an office down the corridor from me. First couple of times I saw her, we'd say "hi" and smile. As of two months ago, she suddenly begins refusing to make eye contact with me, and if she does, she looks at me as if I were a dead cockroach.

 

Earlier on I'd have felt rage and hatred for a woman who treated me like that. How dare she? I have never been anything but polite to her, and never had any opportunity to give her a reason to dislike me.

 

The fact is, though, I have no idea what's going on in her life, or through her mind. She might think I'm ugly, true. Or she might think I'm handsome, and maybe I remind her of some handsome guy who treated her like garbage. Either way, [EDITED in accordance with ENA Regulations] her. There are better looking women who appreciate the way I look, so... NEXT!

 

Now a final word for the ladies reading this. For all that men are hung up on this "scale of 1-10", and all the pressure that society puts on you to conform to these standards... none of it really matters very much in getting yourselves what you want. It matters up to the point of initial attraction, not one instant more. Of course you already know this, as far as your own aspirations for a mate are concerned. What I'm trying to tell you is, it doesn't really matter to guys either. At least, not all guys.

 

For example... *all* my serious relationships, have been with women I met online. I knew there was a connection, that either had nothing to do with a picture I'd seen of her, or before I'd even seen a picture of her, in *every* instance. I mean, I'm totally falling for Miss M here just from her posts... and for all I know she looks like a chihuahua with glasses on . The personality coming through is far, far more important... to me anyway.

 

In fact, and I'm really ashamed to admit this... perhaps the only way in which a woman's looks *do* matter to me when considering a serious relationship, is in the most cheezily superficial way possible. I might really like a girl, and because of that, even though she's objectively a 3 or a 4 I think she's cute. But... I do catch myself thinking, what will my buddies think of her looks (and by extension, my ability to snag a girl THEY consider is "7 plus"). Isn't that awful?

 

That has to do with the fact that part of what men want in a mate of the opposite sex is a symbol of their prowess and status. It also has to do with my self-esteem. But as I said before, I'm working on it.

 

Here endeth the prating. Good luck runner, and may you find sanctuary...

 

Siddhartha Gautama

[Carnatic]

He's obviously put a lot of effort into that, but he's right

 

Does remind me though that man... attractiveness is a complicated business that I prefer not to have to worry about... makes me glad I'm a man and don't have to worry about it. Also makes me slightly ashamed that it is the behaviour of people like me (yes, looks in a girl do mean something to me, and like most guys, my 'tastes' don't stray too far from the pack) that gives girls such a hard time over their appearance.

 

Like what Grokker said, I too have noticed girls behave towards me in radically different manners, and I've known for a fact two girls who actually put me on a scale for whatever reason, one said I was a 2, the other said I was a 9 so there you go.