jealousy over mastubation?

[radiotone]

i'm jealous that my girlfriend masturbates to 'porn' she searches for on her computer. i'm not jealous of the 'porn', cause it's not really 'porn' - it's nothing sexual and there's no nudity. it's just a fetish of hers. but i feel jealous that she feels sexual and i'm not there to satisfy her. whenever she does it, she's always home alone and i'm too busy to come over.

 

and lately we haven't been sexual together because she's never in the mood. i talked to her about this and she said that the mood she's in when she wants to masturbate is different than her mood for sex. because masturbation is something she does by herself and all of that. but the jealousy comes from the fact that she masturbates more than we have sex. is it just a girl thing? cause i'd choose having sex with her than masturbating.

 

i might not be very rational right now, i'd say it's more my emotions as i'm writing this cause i get confused by it

 

can someone enlighten me?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Umm... what is it that she's looking at, exactly, if it's not porn and not nudity?? Just curious.

 

Hmm, I've never heard of a problem like this before, dealing with a female, anyway. I've heard so many threads up here with the same problem concerning men, though. A man could masturbate and then just not have the urge for sex anymore. Maybe it's the same with her? Or maybe she doesn't feel like having to putting a lot of time and effort into sex with you? That suggests a problem though. Have you been fighting a lot lately?

[radiotone]

she has a fetish for belly buttons. she likes looking at pictures and videos. it affects her tremendously.

 

well, it's not like we don't have sex. we do. whenever she's in the mood. which isn't much because she takes medication. we have sex about once every two weeks or week. and when we do have sex, she does put a lot of effort. it just sorta makes me jealous cause it feels she likes to pleasure herself more than sex it seems.

[Day_Walker]

If you know that is what she is into then you have to play into it. Work that into foreplay and try that out. The medication could be the real problem here but if she is not that interested in sex then you are pretty much stuck.

[shikashika]

hmnn... there are many females who enjoy watchign porn and masterbating... I think if you had a decent sex life and she were doing it... in addition... then there's no need for worry... but you saidyou only have sex once every two weeks?

 

Are there other issues? like you don't spend much time together... communication about what you like sexually?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

she has a fetish for belly buttons. she likes looking at pictures and videos. it affects her tremendously.

 

well, it's not like we don't have sex. we do. whenever she's in the mood. which isn't much because she takes medication. we have sex about once every two weeks or week. and when we do have sex, she does put a lot of effort. it just sorta makes me jealous cause it feels she likes to pleasure herself more than sex it seems.

 

 

Heeh, that's really weird. But, whatever floats her boat I guess. I just can't comprehend how one would forgo sex with a real live person for pictures of .... bellybuttons??? Oh well, different people, different tastes. *shrug*

 

It's odd that she's not "in the mood" yet is in the mood for masturbating to pictures of bellybuttons. It sounds rather like an addiction to me. It seems like she's addicted to this fetish she has, and it's taking up so much space in her mind that she's got no room for the real thing.

[radiotone]

i just feel really bad that i feel like this. i feel like all i care about is sex, which isn't true. everytime i try to talk about it with her, she makes me feel like all i care about is sex. and that i should respect her. i do. it's just it feels not fair that she doesn't have to go through what i'm going through when she doesn't want to have sex and i do. she can always be sexually satisfied and i can't.

 

is that just the way it works? am i being a big baby about it? these damn hormones..

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Hmm, well, just do the same as she does, man. Masturbate. If it's okay for her to look at pictures then I assume it will be for you too?

 

Maybe once she realizes you're taking um, matters into your own hands, then she'll change her mind about going at it solo?

[heloladies21]

Well medication is a different story, and nothing can be done about that. Medicine affects the body in profound ways and sometimes they can't be overcome. As for the porn, they're just pictures on a computer screen, so squash your insecurities.

[someguy69]

How about you suggest that she masturbates in front of you some time? Maybe you guys could make her masturbation something that involves the two of you, and maybe perhaps after she climaxes she'll be ready for some non-solo action.

[radiotone]

is masturbating and sex, the mood you're in, different for women? its the same for me. masturbating is just me not being able to have sex with her. but its not like that for her. i dont get it at all

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Still, the medication isn't an excuse. Clearly she's got some sort of sexual urge because um, hello, she's masturbating. There seems to be some sort of other problem going on, whether it's fetish addiction, or problems in their relationship, who knows.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

is masturbating and sex, the mood you're in, different for women? its the same for me. masturbating is just me not being able to have sex with her. but its not like that for her. i dont get it at all

 

I understand what you mean, I agree with you. Sex can be fun, I'd rather have sex than masturbate and I'm a female.

 

Like I said, I think she's addicted. Plus looking at pictures and masturbating is so detached, it seems like it's easier for her to do that than be intimate with a live human being; usually there's a lot of emotions tied up in that. Perhaps she has a fear of intimacy?

 

Or is there problems outside of the bedroom you two are having? Do you argue a lot? Does she doubt your loyalty/faithfulness/commitment/etc?

[radiotone]

to be honest, she's very intimate when we do have sex. i guess its just circumstances. not enough time, school, work, we're not alone most of the time, tiredness. i guess she just does that cause it's convenient and cause i'm not there. i hope its that i guess. i have a lot of questions i want to ask her about it, to understand - but ill have to wait tonight.

 

i'm 20 and my hormones are raging i guess. it's just hard to control my impulses and need for sex. i'm afraid i'm starting to come off as "sexually obsessed" to her. because i'm making this subject so much more important than it really is.

 

is that wrong?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

If it's not an intimacy issue, maybe it's a time issue like you suggested. Having sex usually takes more time, foreplay for both, and then the act itself, and maybe she's tired and stressed and just wants a quick release where she doesn't have to accommodate another.

 

And dude you're not sexually obsessed. You're normal. My man is 5 years older than you and has hormones just as raging.

 

It's not wrong; you're just concerned as to why she'd rather masturbate to pictures then have sex with you. And rightfully so. When you question her tonight, try to not make it so sex-centered (because then she'll just keep accusing you of being sex obsessed.) Try to point out why you enjoy sex with her so much, stuff like, "it makes me feel closer to you and I love you..." and "it's not that I'm sex obsessed, it's that I love you and I feel hurt and insecure when you'd rather look at pictures than be with me.." or whatever reasons you have then just busting a nut. And obviously it's not just that to you, or you'd masturbate. So I know you've got some good reasons to support your 'argument' when you talk to her tonight. I hope you post back here and let us know if things have been resolved.

[radiotone]

thanks, i will. i really appreciate your responses

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Good luck.

[vermilion]

Maybe she prefers masturbation when she's tired. You said she puts "a lot of effort" in it when you do have sex. Maybe she feels like she has to please you and it tires her out. Whereas the masturbating is just about her, and is much more relaxing.