The Breaking Point

[TheOneAndOnly]

Hello ladies and gentlmen. I havent been posting in these forums for a while. Let me explain where my relationship has gone.

 

My girlfriend has not been affectionate towards me, didnt care to look into my eyes when I spoke to her, didnt give a crap when I cryed because I needed affection and love and sex.

 

 

Shortly after she told me that she needed more excitement, I realized that no matter how affectionate I was or no matter how good she said I was in bed, the excitement she was asking for was something she had to get out of her system and I dont think it involved me. To this day she wont admit it. But, anyways, I decided that we needed to take a break. She strongly disagreed with it but I told her its either the break or a break-up.We both agreed to not sleep with anyone while on this "break". Well, after 4 to 5 days went by she calls my cell phone crying her eyes out because she needs affection, she needs me, yada yada yada....she loves me.I tell her to leave me alone. It still hasnt been long enough.

 

Well, after 2 weeks went by, she calls me and I go over to her house. We kiss and hug and we start a new page. The day I came back to her, shes the most affectionate person I have ever seen. All over me, kissing me, wont take her eyes off me...I loved that. Thats what Ive been wanting for so long. Is affection. That thing that two people are supposed to share with each other. Damnit I missed it.

 

People ............it lasted about two weeks. Now im here and its been already a month and some odd days.

 

Anyways, she asked me out of the clear blue one day while Im driving....."did you do anything while we took our break?" I asked her the same question back right away. She said."do you think somethings are better left..unsaid?" I said, yep.....I think I do. Well, I saw this weird look in the center of her eyes. It looked like shame and guilt. This look was in her eyes for about a couple of days so I finally decided that I knew something was wrong or something happened while we took a break and I needed to know. She told me. She slept with this guy that she works with.....his names Joe. In fact I used to drop this guy off at his apartment complex when I would pick my lady up from work. So he knows me and he knew we were together. Well, I asked her why did she do that even after we told ourselves we wouldnt. She said that she needed affection bad and that when she called crying that day, she claims I said "we are over for good" so thats what she told Joe and sure enough she opened her legs. Well, It hurt to hear this...even though I never said it was over for good....I said "Its alright babe..I love you lets just drop it ok?"

Well we dropped it.

 

Last Night The phone rings and Im in her room. She answers the phone and she says "whats up B" I asked who it was .... she said "Joe" I got up that moment and said " Im going to get a glass of water. I got up and walked outside the bedroom. The door was cracked and I could hear the conversation. she says.. "Yeah, hes going to get a drink""Damnit, I miss you""you gonna be at work tommarow?" "Oh yeah! haha your off my bad"

--I walk into the room with no drink-- I sit on the bed and stare at her--

the convo continues-- "really? Ok...... Ok....... have sweet dreams.........

ME TOO bye. My heart was pounding faster than hell. She said ME TOO. He probably said "I love you" to her or something.

 

I sat there just speechless.....not saying a word. So she continues to do what she was doing before the phone wrang which was playing guitar. Well, tonight I was originally supposed to pick her up from work. She called and left a voicemail. "Hi baby, hey umm... My friend Cindy asked me if I wanted to kick it at her place tonight after work so Im going to go do that since I only have one last night I can really hang out. I need to spend time with my friends anyways. Some of my homies are going to be there too. Amber JOE Eica........I dont know I might not even go. Ill call you after I get off of work or later on and tell you whats going on.

 

well people........does it SOUND LIKE IM GETTING CHEATED AND PLAYED ON OR WHAT!!!!!!!??

 

Oh yeah...I havent heard from her yet and she got off at 11:30 its now 1:30am!

 

This is my breaking point.

 

Should I break it off and tell her "I cant let you play me like this anymore, im outa here.

 

Should I sit her down and tell her its not going to work out if she keeps in touch with this guy she slept with...she claims to be just a friend even after!

 

 

What should I do? I dont want to say its either him or me because she might still do it behind my back.

[nona021]

Yes, you do need to have a talk with her, right away. Explain to her that you don't feel like you can trust her at ALL because of what happened, and because she continues to see this other guy. If you DO feel that you two can fix things if she cuts him out of her life, then ask her to do that, explaining you realise it seems extreme but its something you need, and that if not the two of you can't be together (you NEED trust)

 

Good luck.

[gina gloss]

This girl sounds like she's getting off on toying with your emotions. She likes to be the center of attention ALWAYS which leads me to believe that she's the type of person that wouldn't hesitate to cheat on you. She likes for her ego to be stroked and it seems like she's not ready for a relationship. I think she keeps you around for the times when there's no one else so, that she doesn't have to feel lonely and so that she can SAY she has a boyfriend. She knows how much you love her and how much you'd be willing to give up or do in order for her to be happy. However, the sad truth is...she's a manipulative and self-centered person. You deserve better...

 

Regina

[netman]

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I've been in a similar situation before, so I know how hurt you must feel to be going through this.

 

In your head you accepted the fact that she slept with this co-worker of hers when you guys were on a "break". She's clearly taking you for a softy nice guy. You may be ok with chasing her around, and accepting these things just because you love her, but you're suffering for it. From what you've described, it seems that she doesn't have respect for you. Let's say fine, she admitted what she did with the co-worker, you accepted it and you guys have moved on. But he's calling her house, and she's telling him that she misses him?!?!?! Major red flash, dude.

 

You sound like a great guy; you deserve way better than that. To be successful and happy with women, sometimes you have break the fear of losing the girl, and you have to be a man and not stand to be disrespected. I'm telling you, it makes a world of difference when a girl knows that you'll leave her without a doubt if things are really bad. The girl will definitely try to prove herself more, as opposed to just taking it for granted because she knows that you aren't going anywhere, which seems to describe your situation. You're probably thinking that you don't want to lose what you DO have that's good, but you're definitely going to get tired of the treatment and she's going to take advantage of you until she takes your heart and shrivels it to little unrecoverable pieces. If you stay with her, that's exactly what's going to happen.

 

Don't negotiate with her. The signs are clear. Do yourself a favor and just let it go. Maybe some good will come out of it though. Maybe she'll realize what she's potentially losing and she'll turn it around. Good luck and keep us updated...

[TheOneAndOnly]

Well, I finally talked to her tonight. I picked her up from work and we were driving around. I just flat out said it to her.

 

"Genna, look, I heard what you said to Joe over the phone how you missed him and it really is eating away at me inside. I worry everytime the phone rings in your bedroom if its going to be him or not and everytime you say your going to hang out with your friends I get scared that your going to hang out with him. You consider him your friend but, he is more than a friend as far as Im concerned. I have a problem with this issue and I need to know what your going to do about it because I cant take anymore."

 

She says : "So your going to make me choose? Thats wrong. Why!? Why do I have to choose?"

 

I say : "Im not making you choose over anyone, but I want to hear what you have to say about it. Look, Im telling you that this is really hurting me and I want to hear what your going to do about it."

 

She says : "I should have never told you I slept with him!"

 

I say : "Im glad you were honest enough to come up to me and tell me rather than hide it behind my back. But, its said and done and its killing me."

 

She says : "So its like, you or him right? If I cant have a friend and a boyfriend then I dont want neither. Im not going to choose because thats wrong."

 

I say : "I dont want you to choose between us..I just need to know if there is something you are going to do about it to make things better? Because if your not........."

 

She says : "Then we cant be together right? Look, what happened with me and Joe is overwith. Its just a grain of sand....gone. He has a girlfriend now. I told him that I was getting back with you and that I loved you. I love you and I want to be the mother of your children some day and I want to be your wife when we get older."

 

 

Well, we hugged and we kissed and we argued and hugged and finally kissed................

 

She left home and I came home. I dont knmow whats going on myself. I dont know if we arent together or if we still are.

[autumn]

bud, be the first to show her that she will gain nothing with that behaviour. you don't have to accuse her of cheating. just tell her you deserve more respect. guys like joe obviously don't mind being treated like dirt - i would expect more. Do both of you's a favour, before it's too late. just some thoughts from a guy who's been there.

[badlyburned]

I know exactly how you are feeling. Don't deny to yourself what you heard on the phone, and what is going on. Cut and run. I know it's miserable, but if you get out now and don't drive yourself crazy over this you are saving yourself a lot of trouble. Trust me.