Hey,
Never done this before, but figured I'd give it a try. About two years ago, at the beginning of my junior year of college, I was a single, hard-partying frat boy. I had never hurt a girl in any relationship really, and had always been a decent guy (despite being a frat guy).
At the beginning of the year, I met this girl who really knocked me off my feet. I had always known who she was, seen her around campus, that sort of thing, but had never really talked to her. All I really knew was that she was an incredible looking girl who had just recently, over the summer, broken up with a guy she had been seeing for her first two years. I also knew that he had treated her like crap, emotionally, physychologically, and possibly even physically abusing her. Their relationship had been a joke to everyone but them. At first I was apprehensive, but she ha already had her "rebound" guy, and like I said, I was quite taken.
We hit it off great that fall, and fell in love (or so I thought). Her ex-boyfrend just wouldn't leave her alone, though, and would go out of his way to harass her and reduce her to tears. Being a guy who firstly believes that women should be treated with respect (and up until recently had never even raised my voice to one or called them any names), and secondly that it is a boyfriend's job to protect a girlfriend, whether she needs it or not, I wanted to beat him seneseless. Yet she insisted that I not intervene, as it would only make things worse for her. She simply said that she wouldn't tell him we were together, for fear of theconsequences. Being a sucker, I bought it.
After that thankgiving break, I came back to school after thelong weekend, only to have two of my brothers sit me down and tell me that this girl was apparently still sleeping with her "rebound guy." Being a trusting person, I asked her about it, she denied it, and even faced down the individual who had brought the accusations. Maybe I should no have been so trusting.
In any case, winter break rolled around, and we spent nearly our entire break together. By then, we both were completely in love (or so I thought). We spent most of the break together, and I went with her into the city a lot, as at the time, she was (and still is) working on an acting career. I would encourage her, be there for her, do everything a good boyfriend should . She always used to say "why are you so nice to me?" I just simply told her "because I love you," but maybe I should have taken that as a passive warning sign. I had just moved into a new apartment, and she was there to help me move in. It was a great winter break.
In any case, that next semester rolled around, and her ex was still continuing his psycho behavior, following her, sitting outside her room at all hours, leaving a mllion drunk messages every night, making her cry, trying to kick down her door, etc. Again, she pleaded with me not to intervene. I asked her if she was calling hm...she said no, and that she couldn't wait till he was out of school so this would end (she didn't want to get a restraining order...she said it wouldn't work...he was too crazy...again, me being a fool, I believed her). She would always tell me how great I was, how she was lucky to have me, but for some reason, this suspicion began to grow. There were rumors that she was still sleepng with her psycho ex, but again, I was the trusting idiot.
Sometime around the end of that semester, Her ex pulled his psycho routine, and I lost it. I saw him out at the bar that night, and needless to say, some choice words were exchanged, and I had him tossed out of the bar we were at. Luckily, I left righ behind him, and went straight to her room...when I got there securit was already there...he had put her into near hyperventilation. The next day, she screamed at me fo doing what I did, not wanting to hear that I was looking out for her. She said I had only made things worse ( I felt horrible) She wouldn't speak to me for days (I should have known the real reasons). Finally, after her mom told her she was being stupid (sidenote: her family and close friends hate this kid, and constantly tell her how miserable she will be with him). So after those words of advice, and after I apologized to the psycho ex (hows that for swallowing pride in thename of love) to calm him down (her suggestion), we smoothed things over, and spent the whole summer together (we both worked long hours during the week, and spent every weekend together at my place, or the shore, etc.). He was still calling her, but she insisted she was not calling him back. Again, I was a fool.
That summer, she even had the nerve to fight wih me about the fact that a girl had moved into my apartment for the summer when a roommate of mine moved out temporarily (the irony of this is absurd).
In any case, senior year begins, and roughly a month into it, her ex is still pulling the same psycho routine, even though he had graduated the previous spring (unfortunately he only lived 15 minutes from school). So she says she is thinking about "taking a break" because she does't want to have to gothrough her senior year dealing with his garbage. Again, like a fool, I believe her reasoning, and foolishly trust her. After another month ( and him breaking into her voicemail to listen to my messages to her and get my number to leave me harassing messages) she says needs a break, and loves me, and wants to work things out "but probably not until after graduation when we can leave this BS behind." I told her I'd wait for her, as she was the love of my life, but she said I shouldn't. Me being me, I did anyways, more or less.
We still talked all the time, and hung out here and there, and when december came (her birthday) I even bought her a birthday present. It was her 21st, and she would be celebrating it at a bar that my friends and I always went to on a night we were always there. She called me before hand...and aske me please not to go to the bar that night...I asked why...she said that one of her guy friends, who was friends with the psycho ex, had unwittingly told her about te celebration, and he was coming...she said she loved me, and wanted me to be there, but couldnt stop him from coming and didnt want any trouble. So again, like an idiot in love, I didn't go.
I came to find out a few days later that he had carried her out of the bar when she was too drunk. That was like a slap in the face. I got angry and went out an hooked up wih the first cute girl that said hi to me (I only kissed her). I admitted it to her a few days later, and she said the thought of me kissing another girl crushed her, and she understood why I did it, and she still loved me and wanted things to work out. We kept talking, almost everyday. She'd call me when she had dire problems or needs, and tell me everything that was going on...it was like a relationship without the sex. She still said she loved me and missed me, and wanted to work things out after graduation, so I was patient, despite rumors she was sleeping with the psycho, or back with him etc.
I'd see her out, and we'd talk in a dark corner of the bar or club so no one would see us...presumably so that she would not have to deal with any backlash. Springtime, and graduation rolled around,a s well as Senior Ball. We had planned on going before the break, and she had said she wanted to go with me, but didn't want to hear the backlash caused by psycho's friends who would be there (keep in mind she wasstill friends with these idiots). Again, out of love, I said I understood. Yet, a few days before the ball, I come to find that she is taking psycho ex. She spends the night with me that night, and tearfully apologizes, nearly hyperventilating, saying she doesnt deserve to look at me, I'm a great guy, she loves me, misses, me, still wants to work things out, but doesnt have a choice in going with him....she tried to spin it like she was somewhat forced ito the situation (keep in mind...she had told me that this guys friends who still went to our school had been asked by him to watch her every move....It wouldn't have surprised me..this kid is a complete nutjob). She also tellsme that she had hooked up with him, but only once, and only kissed im, and was so sorry, waned to make me hppy, be with me, loved me, etc. Again, like a fool, I bought it, forgave her, and sat at home while she was out with psycho at the ball.
She called me the next morning (again, a warning sign I missed) and said she had had a miserable time, aologized again, said she loved me...and so on.
So we graduate...she calls me while we're still at graduation, and says she loves me, and things can start going back to normal, as she put it. That weekend, I am at her family graduation party, and it seemed like things were getting back on track. She even gave me 2 kittens. I hate cats, but they were a gift from her. Naturally I kept them.
Throughout the summer, we talk everyday. I go home to see family in the end of June, she says she can't make it, she has acting stuff to do. That weekend, while I'm home, sh doesnt return any phone cals, so naturally I get suspicious....that wasn't like her. I just got this crazy feeling, so on my way back home from the fam, I drive by he ex's house....I know its crazy, but I couldnt shake the feeling...sure enough, its 1 oclock on a sunday night, and her car is parked there. For the first tme in my life, I scream at her, well, at least her voicemail. Seeing her car there, after everything, I just lost it. Choice words on the voicemail cutting as deep as I could.
The next morning, she calls me and flips out, saying nothing happened, his parents were home, she was only there because one of their mutual friends had died. What else could I say, I felt like a jerk, apologized profusely, and after a rough few weeks I thought things were back on track. Again, what a fool I was. So we're talking everyday again, shes sayin she wants to work things out, she just needs a bit more time (when Im in love, I am ridiculously patient and understanding). So beginning of August rolls around, and a snake I had given her as a present the last summer escapes, and of course I immediately drive up and help her look for it. We can't find it, but a few weeks later I buy her a new one and surprise her with it..keep in mind this is a very expensive and rare snake.
So we keep hangin out like we have been, and I try not too push the issue of getting back together too much...she says the same things as always, and I remain patient. Her and her mom and her sister leave the country in the middle of August, and I get tasked with watching her pets...which I had no problem whatsoever with doing. She comes back a few weeks later, and things seems to improving. We are talking more than everyday, hung out, etc. 3 weeks ago, my buddies move into a house two streets over from the psycho, and I tell her about it. She says great, now you and them will get drunk and harass psycho ex and it will come back to me. I say no, Im 22, I don't waste my time with that. But jokingly, I say, why, are you hiding something, is there something Im not supposed to see?She says no, dont be ridiculous, Im not back wih him, we dont see each other, etc. But you have to prove yourself to me by not going by there.
So of course I get that shady feeling again, and the next night, Im on my way over to my buddies, and again, I know it's crazy, but I had that feeling. Drove by, and sure enough, therewas her car. So, I calmly drove to my buddies house, and when I get there I lay it all out to my friend who is friends with her, who I haven seen in a while. He decides to call her, an while talking to her, finds out that she is at a bar down the street. He asks her what shes doing with the kid, and she just giggles, and says I dont know. He asks her if she still talks to me, and she saysnot really. Not really? Does every night and day qualify as not really? So I'm crushed, for like the third time, so we decide to head to this bar..keep in mind I had been askin her to hang out that weekend, but she said would try, keep in mind the night this happened she had said she was hangin out with a girlfriend from home (she lives 45 inutes away from me, an hour from the psycho). So we get to the bar, she sees me, and literally flees. I leave her a nasty message on her voicemail...not like me, but what can I say, I've been put through a lot.
She calls me an hour later, and says its not what I think but she doesnt want to try to explain it to me when I am out with my friends. So I tell herhow much she has hurt me, and she says she will call me in the morning. SO the next day, saturday, I wait for a call that never comes, so, still quite angry, among other feelings, I leave another message, not nasty, just saying ow much she hurt me, and how foolish she was for still seeing him, how could she lie, etc. She calls the next day and says "first off, you *beep*, it wasnt what you think, I was gonna hang out with (girlfriend), but it didn't happen, Im not back with (him)...so I say then why didnt you call me to that I get no answer...except that I am a psycho, etc. she never wants to talk to me again, etc. So I say fine, obviously Im right, she says youll never believe the truth....so I thought that was that. But not 2 days later she calls, ad I don't pick up, she calls a few more times that week (2 weeks ago) and I still don't pick up, so finally she leaves a message that friday night, saying how sorry she is, how she knows I probably dont ever want to talk to her again, and wont pick up the phone, and she just hopes someday she can explan things to me, and she does love me, and does care, and how she heard a song that reminded her of me, etc.
So I finally call her back Sunday, she says how sorry she is, hw amazing I am, how she loves me, but how I'll never believe the ruth becaue I have an idea in my head that shes back with the psycho....I wonder why. In any case, still the fool, I tell her how I feel about her, and for some odd reason it seems in that moment like we start to smooth things over...again. So I call her a few times that next week, just hoping o make thngs right again, and she doesnt return any calls! What is that about? So last thursday, I am out at the bar with my buddies, and I see her old roommate, whom she is best friends with, and ask er what the deal is. I finally get itout of her that not only are her and psycho back together, and have been for some time, but she cheated on me with him thoughout our entire relationship!
So, like an idiot, I start drinking heavily, leave a very, very nasty message on her voicemail, (youall probably think Im psycho, but being cheated on and lied to for 2 years by someone you deeply loved and tried to help and at one time had thought of spending the rest of your life), I called the psycho and told him everything....including about her rebound guy she had slept with 3 nights after they first broke up, and he told me a lot as wel...to put it plainly, I oner if she wasever honest about anything! I know it may not have been the right thing to do, but I've never been hurt like this before. So I have not heard one word from her (on my message, interspersed between "you cheating, lying, white trash w****, (beep) you, etc. was a "Don't ever call me ever again, I would not care if you died tomorrow). Plus, I'm getting rid of those cats ASAP.
Like I said, I know I shouldn't have said or done those things, but man did this hurt! I just don't know...am I crazy?....Why did this happen?...Am I just as bad as the psycho ex now?....how can somebody do something like what she did to me?....Im just experiencing a level of confusion and hurt like I've never felt before. I don't understand why half of me hates her, and never wants to hear from her lying, cheating self again...but then there is that other half...whats my problem? Sorry for being so longwinded...
