My boyfriend not as into sex as I am

[artist777]

I don't have the heart. I remember feeling very sorry for him when he first told me that. Now I completely understand what she went through. He gets very nervous when he sees me online. It's heartwrenching.

[jackknive]

I know how you feel, going through the same thing with my sex drive much higher than his

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[snowy_princess]

wow, this is like finding kindred spirits. My story sounds remarkably similar in some ways to a few that have been posted here.

 

I'm 29 and my bf is 28. When we met, I'll be honest, I was a virgin - I dated a bit but was never willing to "put out" until I knew it felt right. I made him wait nearly a month after we started dating. For about the first three months after that, he couldn't keep his hands off of me. He would check on me numerous times in the morning and as soon as I woke up he was in bed. We couldn't watch a movie or even a tv show without it ending up "in the bedroom".

 

After about three months, things died down fast... not gradually, but fast. It was like taking coffee away from someone who drinks it everyday - I got seriously upset and I even mentioned it a couple of times, but nothing really changed. Right around that time, I was going through some really bad times with work, etc, and was in a pretty bad depression, and while I understand his idea that he felt bad making the moves on me when I was so low, I tried to explain that that was one thing that made me feel worthwhile because I knew that someone wanted me.

 

Well since then we've have one or two discussions about it. He said once that he would jsut have to work on making sure that things happened more often. And once he said that in his entire life he's had to initiate sex about a dozen times, so he just doesn't. I should have told him that that's great, but he has to learn. I'm not overly comfortable initiating sex, and the fact that he won't means that I'm always going out of my comfort zone to do it.

 

I am feeling more and more self-conscious about initiating, since I've done so a number of times only to be rejected. Not that long ago, I arranged that when he got home from work I was laying half naked in lingerie on his bed - basically all he had to do was get naked and get into bed. He walked into the room, barely looked at me and said he was too tired. I felt like an * * * frankly. That was soooo difficult for me to do in the first place - at least if he would have made it known that he really wanted to but was too tired maybe. Hell he's even fallen asleep as I was... um... rubbing.

 

All of this really doesn't help the self-esteem. I have next to none and every time that he rejects my advances, it gets worse.

 

I've tried to not initiate to make him do it, but it will be weeks (I lasted about 3 the last time I tried). Now we're lucky if we're having sex twice a month. not my idea of a healthy sex life.

 

What really bugs me is that I know that he's a sexual person. He fully admits to watching porn (which I have no problem with), and he's always making comments, although even his avances on IM and email have died off.

 

A big part of me worries that I just don't turn him on anymore. Hell, the other night while we were watching a movie I started doing stuff, only to have him tell me that it really wasn't the time considering that it was a horror movie... well shut off the movie - it was on DVD!! But he chose the movie over me.

 

I just don't get it. I'd be more than happy with once or twice a day - even as a virgin I was very sexual, and pleasing myself a few times a week (sometimes once a day) was not unusual. Now I just get so upset over his lack of interest that I usually don't even feel that I deserve that much.

 

*sigh*

 

Sorry for the long post, I started typing and it wouldn't stop.

 

I love this guy so much, and I dont' want to lose our relationship, I just want to feel wanted again. I feel like that has died.

 

I wish I had advice to share, but unfortunately, I'm fresh out. Thanks for making me not feel so alone in this issue tho.

[artist777]

Snowy princess: I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm there, it hurts. Not to put demons in your head, but do you think he may be cheating? Are you certain of his whereabouts every evening?

 

Not having much of a drive is one thing, but to flat out turn someone down is rude. Especially, when you are trying to entice him. It takes a lot of energy and bravado to put yourself out there. Has he put himself out there? Maybe if you told him that you are considering going out of the relationship for it.

 

I think witholding is just not right and anyone who does it, gets what they deserve.

[FarandAway]

Artist,

 

I sent you a regular email and a private message. I think you are my twin in this issue. Send me an email if you want to chat. Take care...