uh oh, here we go again!

[buddafleye]

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm constantly getting crushes on teachers, profs and TAs. Is it an authority thing? hahah. I can't stop thinking about her and it will inevitably only end in heartbreak for me because TAs obviously can't engage in relationships with students. Plus, it's only a semester course and I'll never see her again after December because this class is an elective for me and my regular classes are always on the other end of the campus. Oy... crushes are a wonderfully horrible thing. It doesn't help that I totally get the vibe from her that she's not totally straight, have caught eyes with her lots and she totally fits my "type".

[NKP]

och that hurts likeing someone that cant like you. How old are you? Maybe if you see her out on the street going and talk to her ask her out for coffee or something

[buddafleye]

I'm turning 22. If I saw her on the street, I'd probably die of a heart attack before asking her out for coffee. It's one of those crushes where if I even look at the person, my heart starts racing, I get nervous and giddy... haha. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I can like women, so that's also a factor. I'm too new and I need the other person to take the first step, at least for now.

 

What's even worse about this situation is when I like someone, you can totally read it all over my face. I can't control the glancing and it becomes embarrassingly obvious. *sigh*

 

I've been through this exact situation three times before, so I know I'll live but it's going to be tough.

[itsallgrand]

It's a safe outlet bc you know it can't happen. So you can crush in safety without doing a thing or having to experience any real risk.

 

When you are ready, you'll do something else. Realizing you like women is a big adjustment. Does anyone know?

[buddafleye]

That's definitely one way to look at it. I could be getting crushes on them because it's safe. I've never had a crush on someone I actually know as a friend, and I've never just seen a girl on the street and was instantly attracted to her.

 

Well, no one really knows because I myself am not 100% sure of my own sexuality. I can like women, but I've also liked men. I've had a few boyfriends and enjoyed them, but not to the extent I think I'm supposed to, you know? And I can't really judge for sure whether or not I'm a lesbian or bisexual until I have a real experience with a woman. I would be leery about coming out to my family because they're very conservative in their views, but I think if I knew for sure I would have no problem telling friends. I think some of my closer friends suspect I'm not straight because I've hinted that I'm not, but no... I'm not officially out to anyone.

 

----

I'm editing this to correct myself in that I have had a crush on someone other than a teacher or a TA and that was this past summer when I had a MASSIVE crush (THE crush that lead me to accept I might be lesbian) on a co-worker. She was more like a boss, but not my boss... so again with the crushing on someone I can't really have. Though, the story did start to get better near the end of the summer and I do believe the feelings were mutual, but neither of us acted on it in time.

[buddafleye]

I should also say that I don't fit the "lesbian stereotype" of a tomboy or butch or any of that. I'm quite feminine, so I think sometimes that throws people off when they're judging whether or not I might be gay. It makes it more difficult for me when trying to experiment with women because it's only ever guys that hit on me. And like I said, I'm just not comfortable making the first move. Not yet anyway... haha. Maybe if this eats away at me some more I'll get a little braver out of desperation. lol

[Deviant_Kate]

If she catches you looking at her as often as it seems she does, maybe when the semester is over, She'll ask YOU out for coffee. Maybe you should try some very light conversation with her on the way out of class once in a while (just a witty quip now and then) and you guys can develop enough of a friendship that it wouldn't be absolutely terrifying to see if she wants to go to lunch after the final. What could it hurt?

[buddafleye]

I wish I could do something so simple as approaching her after class. For me, I'm just the most obvious person when I like someone. It's obvious when I hate someone... all of my emotions come through my face and I might as well have a giant, neon sign over my head flashing "I looove you!" lol. I don't want her to know I like her unless she shows me somehow that she likes me. I'm not brave enough yet to risk rejection because I think my little heart would burst... lol. If I were to talk to her, I wouldn't be myself. I'd be shy, I'd probably blush, I wouldn't be able to maintain eye contact.. I just can't have that. I'd rather admire from afar than risk embarrassing myself. Yes, that's something I need to get over. I'm aware.

 

Bad news though. I searched her on Google and found out she's probably straight. Don't get the wrong idea... I'm totally not a stalker, but I always find it interesting to see what I can dig up on people. haha. I'm not obsessed or anything. Anyway, I found a page of obituaries that lists who attended the funeral and her name was listed in one of them.. not as a dead person (haha obviously) but next to a guy's name in brackets, which I'm assuming means she's his girlfriend. Kind of disappointing, though I've been with guys as well... so maybe there's still a chance. From the date on the page, it was over two years ago.

[buddafleye]

Ok, so my crush is getting too intense for my liking. Literally.. the sound of her voice alone makes me hot. There's no need to question my sexuality on this one. It's so deep... not in a manly way, but in a super freaking sexy way. I couldn't even concentrate during class because all I could think about was how I would sneak a glance or two in without her, or anyone else for that matter, noticing. I had to walk by her twice and I almost fainted both times. All I want to do any time I'm in the same room is kiss her.

 

I dunno. I keep trying to use stereotypes to figure her out and she really seems to fit the profile. Like she doesnt' wear a lot of makeup, definitely has the shoes of a lesbian...haha... is a graduate student in a program typically taken by people who are more "open", if you will (which I won't say because I'm horrified of someone I know coming on here and figuring out who I actually am) haha. But I try not to judge like that because she could very well be straight with just bad taste in shoes. hahah.

 

Ugh. I adore her and she probably doesn't even know I exist.

[jabele]

Maybe you could use online as a way to talk to her...since it may be awkward in person. Did you see if she's on MySpace?

[buddafleye]

I actually have an e-mail address for her. Getting in contact outside of class isn't an issue. It all boils down to me being a big chicken who just can't run the risk of hitting on a straight girl -- especially my first time. I guess the worst that could happen is she'd be flattered and I'd maybe make a new friend (if she wasn't weirded out), but I dunno...

 

This is all extremely reminscent of my last three [girl] crushes. I still have a month. I doubt I'll say anything between now and then, but who knows... maybe... For now I'll just enjoy the thrill of a crush. Sure makes a boring class exciting!

[buddafleye]

I am hopeless. Hopeless. So I let the entire semester go by and didn't act on my feelings. Well, I started to an made contact with her. I actually talked to her one on one (!), which is I suppose an improvement for me. haha. But then I got nervous, didn't say anything I wanted to say, etc, etc. When she tried to talk to me other days I IGNORED HER, or was really short with her.

 

WHY? Why do I do that? Why do I treat the people I have the biggest crushes on like they're scum?

 

I'm going to miss seeing her every week. She'll never know how she made me feel.

 

I should just stick to guys because I suck at dealing with women apparently.

[Cadence308]

I act weird with women I have crushes on, too. Don't know why!

 

It's hard when it's a same sex relationship because most of the time you don't know where the other person is coming from like if they date women or men, if they like you-like you, or just want to be friends. It's so hard.

 

My ex gf was pretty blunt and she used to tell me that she could look a woman in the eye and tell if they dated women or not. She told me that she would be talking to a woman that she met in the grocery store or wherever and they would ask her to the movies or something and she would come right out and ask her if she liked women and dated women. That was one thing that I liked about her was that she wasn't into head games in that regard. She did have her other games, though.

[NKP]

You have her email, so email her, tell her how you feel about her, itll be alot easier in email then face to face aswell. The very first girl i had a crush on and when i told her i was such a fool, i was shaken and i couldnt even look at her, she was stright and we are still good mates

[buddafleye]

I just don't get it because when I'm with a guy and I have feelings for him, I can toootally talk to them. It's easy. I know what to say, I know what to do.

 

With women... with women it's driving me CRAZY. This is my third major, real crush on another girl and it ended the same way the other ones have. I just don't know what to say!

 

There's this girl in one of my lectures whom I'm pretty sure likes me and is constantly trying to make contact, etc. And I downright ignore her. I won't even make eye contact. She tries and tries and I know what she's doing, but I guess maybe I'm still scared to start an actual relationship with another girl. Which I totally don't get because my body says YES, DO IT ALREADY, but my head's just not there.

 

This crush in particular, she kept trying to talk to me ever since I made my presense known. And what did I do? I ignored her. So if she was even slightly interested, she won't be anymore because I probably made her feel like I'm not interested and don't even like her.

[buddafleye]

It feels so immature and loserish to say it over e-mail, though you are right. Had I tried it in person I probably would've made a huge fool of myself as well.

 

I doubt I'll say anything. It would be too embarrassing if I ever ran into her again, which is highly unlikely.

 

 

You have her email, so email her, tell her how you feel about her, itll be alot easier in email then face to face aswell. The very first girl i had a crush on and when i told her i was such a fool, i was shaken and i couldnt even look at her, she was stright and we are still good mates

[NKP]

It feels so immature and loserish to say it over e-mail, though you are right. Had I tried it in person I probably would've made a huge fool of myself as well.

 

I doubt I'll say anything. It would be too embarrassing if I ever ran into her again, which is highly unlikely.

 

Okay but its only embarrassing if you make it, if you find out shes striaght then well bad luck and go look for someone who isnt.

 

How about email and just talk to her as a friend, suss her out and get to know her alot more

[buddafleye]

Well it's kind of awkward to talk to her like a friend too because she was my TA, right. There's a different kind of relationship there than it would be if this was just another student in my class. If I suddenly e-mailed her and tried to talk about personal things, I don't really know if she'd respond.

 

I dunno. I got hints here and there that she *may* be interested, but my gaydar as pretty much useless I think. It was probably just me WISHING. haha. I'd always catch her looking at me and sometimes it felt like she was going out of her way to say hi to me, but then again with my ignoring her and stuff. I couldn't talk to her anymore because the two times I got a chance to I got all nervous and flustered and I hate looking like a fool.

 

It kind of just feels wrong to say something to her. Like I'm crossing a major line, not just in asking her if she's interested or telling her that I'm definitely interested... but the whole authority figure line. If I DO say something, it would have to wait until they're done marking exams.

 

Maybe my new years resolution should be to just tell her and get it over with because even if she doesn't respond positively, at least I'll never have to see her again. hahah.

 

Okay but its only embarrassing if you make it, if you find out shes striaght then well bad luck and go look for someone who isnt.

 

How about email and just talk to her as a friend, suss her out and get to know her alot more

[aquatic]

LOL. I can SO relate with what you're saying. I also act strangely weird when around certain women (which was one of my clues that I might be bisexual. It feels like a switch turning off, cold turkey, from a happy chatty mode to broody aloof ignoring mode when dealing with her, then immeidately back to chatty mode with the person next to her. Immature indeed. Just to regret why I was being mean to her hours after the encounter. LMAO

 

Regarding your problem: I agree with the email thing, it makes communicating lesss stressful Topic of the email though-- it would be awkward if it's an I Like You confessional out of the blue. And embarrasing if she were straight, just without taste in shoes I suggest you try to establish a Friends foundation first. Since your relationship is being a TA-student, maybe you can email her for advice or input about being a TA (casually say it's something that might interest you to do after school or something). Email her about something professional but would require something a bit personal at the same time. Then from her reply, you can build on the friendly personal chat. Or include her in your cc/announcement/mailing list (invite to a party, selling something, looking for somehting), then see if she eventaully replies to ask why she's included, then you can act kind of surprised and say you just sent the message to your entire address book, then start a friendly chat from there, like how she's been or what's she up to now. Is this helping at all? Or it just shows how my gay style sucks? LOL.

[buddafleye]

A few weeks ago when I e-mailed her about a "problem" I was having, she suggested we meet because I'd sent a rather long e-mail with a lot of questions all at once. Mostly just me trying to get her to write as much as possible. hahahah. But anyway, we were to meet before class and I said I had to grab food because that's my only break during the day and I needed to eat or else you'd be able to hear my stomach during class. She was like, ok well maybe we can grab something to eat while we talk.

 

Yay, right? Progress.

 

No. You know what I did? I picked up something before I went to see her and when she met up with me and asked if I wanted to go get food I told her I'd already eaten.

 

!!!!

 

How big a moron am I? Like really. I saw her and I just froze. I couldn't leave the seat I was sitting in, so we just sat there and talked. If she reads these boards she'll know exactly who I am. hahah.

 

Then she'd try to say hi to me every day and I'm not even sure if I ackowledged her. I think I made a noise back at her. hahah. Oh, GOD. I'm so embarrassed of myself.

 

RE: the e-mail thing. That is some good advice. I still don't know if I want to do it though. In a couple of my e-mails in the past I tried to be funny or personal and she didn't really respond to it. She responded to me more in person than she did over e-mail, but I can only be cool over e-mail apparently. hah.

 

It might seem weird for me to ask her about something professional because we come from two very different backgrounds. I took this class to fill space in my schedule as an elective. It doesn't relate at all to what I do. Well, it sort of does. I could ask her about being a TA I guess, but I think that would still just keep us in TA-student mode. I think if I had've been less of a nerd and actually talked to her when I had the opportunties, this would be less difficult.

[buddafleye]

Can I just also say I have no idea why I'm so attracted to this girl. She is by no means your "conventional" beauty. I mean, she's pretty but she's not like model pretty or even pagent pretty. But I just find her soooo attractive. I don't know anything about her personality or her personal life. I don't even know how old she is. From her looks I'd say she's a little bit older than me, but I can't guess how much. She sort of fits into my "type" with the fact that her hair and eyes are brown, but that's about it. Like I just don't know what it is, but I feel like I always want to be near her and would give ANYTHING just to even hug her I think. A kiss would probably kill me. It's 100% lust, so much so that the sound of her voice reverberates inside of me and makes me squirm in my seat. haha. It's freaking intense. I don't know what it is about her, but it's something.

[aquatic]

Well, it could be just the challenge. Mild infatuation. I remember going to this seminar kind of series because of this person, a total (kinda nerdy!) stranger, but after while when I'd see her around, I'd go 'Meh, what was I thinking?' LOL.

 

Re your signals, lol. Yes, I think you have it worse than I do. I can hold a friendly mode with her if we're acquainted enough already. Hm, if she were interested, yes, you are sending really confusing signals.

 

Now that you painted a clearer pic about the emailing, that you have emailed back and forth, I think I'm leaning more towards her not being interested in that way, sorry to burst your bubble, because she would've taken that chance to be more personal. Move on, next TA but keep her on your mailing list and hope against all odds she might be interested, nothing to lose.

[buddafleye]

It's really difficult to tell though because as a TA, she's supposed to be professional via e-mail. It takes two seconds for some crazy student to print off an e-mail, claim sexual harassment and have them fired.

 

Over e-mail I never got really personal. I joked, but I joked about the school work. I never said anything personal about myself, besides the fact that I need to eat lunch or else everyone in the room can hear my stomach. haha.

 

There were signals given by her in person that made me feel there was a slight chance. But I'm going to go with her not being interested in me because that's just a hell of a lot easier. hahah. Having her reject me would break my heart more than me just giving up on it.

 

I will probably be the same way -- see her a month from now and wonder what on earth I was thinking. I find her extremely attractive right now, but that could have a lot to do with the fact that she's an authority figure. I have a really big problem with falling hard for people who are in charge. hahah. With men, it's firefighters, cops, politicians, etc. With women it really seems to be these goddamn teachers/TAs.

 

I really wanted her *sniff*, but alas I will move on. I guess I'm just eager to have a woman interested in me so I can experiment. There have been some women, but not the women I want.

Besides, I think I saw her in the mall yesterday on the arm of some guy. I wasn't sure if it was her because I was in a hurry to get the hell out of there. Christmas shoppers are psycho!

[buddafleye]

See... no... she's making it difficult. I had to ask her something, so over the weekend I e-mailed her. It was actually a legitimate question this time concerning the class. haha. Anyway, her e-mail has made me think about her ALL morning and now I'm going to obsess about her all day. I wonder if she'd just let me touch her if she knew what I was willing to do for her Just once! One little lick... hahha.

 

I AM crazy. This must be how guys feel. I have a new respect for them. Truly. hah.

[NKP]

tell her that you want to talk to her, ask her to meet you for coffee or something or ask her over to your place