What's going on here?

[Brawnee]

I'm new to this forum, or any type relationship forum, so please bear with me. I met a girl several months ago and I was instantly smitten. I was probably a little too forward, but she definitely got that I was interested. Anyway, we are neighbors now. However, I'm only home on the weekends. Lately we have been spending more and more time together. We get along great, and I can tell there is a mutual attraction. But, she's sooo cautious. We usually hang out at her place and drink and sing songs, she plays the guitar, and we get touchy-feely with each other. I have kissed her twice and I have slept in the same bed with her three or four times. We've never had sex. About a month ago, I went in for the kiss. She pulled her head back and her lips inward. So I brushed my cheek along her face and neck, letting my hands caress her, etc... you get the picture. She was definitely enjoying what I was doing and was turned on by it. She didn't resist, until I was slowly removing her panties. Then she put a stop to it. After this, it was more or less the same routine as described before. I have tried to kiss her a few times since then, and she states that she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea or that she doesn't want to kiss... right now. Whatever.

The last night we hung out (Sunday) we had a few beers and talked. I decided that I wouldn't sit too close or try to fiddle with her. She made the comment that she thought that evening was not as fun and was apologetic. Huh? what? What does this mean?

We retired to our separate abodes for the night. The next morning, before I left, I wrote her a letter. Basically saying that I was glad to have helped her with some work that she was doing, and giving her much deserved praise (she's an awesome chef!). In the latter half of the letter I stated about how the future would be brighter and better if she were to only take hold of my hand. I called her later that day... no response. I sent her a text message... no response (Both messages were innocuous and not prone to making a girl run for cover... trust me I know how to do that . ) Before I went to bed I called her and got no response. I sent a text message asking if she were alright and got no response. I called the next morning and she was sleeping late (Monday is her day off). She sounded hung over... no surprise, as she like to indulge.

I still haven't heard from her; it seems like she's trying to avoid me and I can't figure it out. Ladies, please advice to give. I have ears to listen.

[BellaDonna]

Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

Based on your story, it sounds like she only wants a friendship, but she became confused at times. She might not be ready to take things further, even if there was a romantic attraction.

 

I think you need to take a step back and let her be the one to contact you next time. She might just need some time and space to think things over.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Brawnee]

Thanks,

 

I've pretty much came to the same conclusion, and I will wait for her. But in the meantime there's that 20 year old sweetie that wants to hang out.... hmmm. Just don't want to hurt the possability of the the other, as she is the one I'd probably better off with in the long run.

[arwen]

Are you sure that the neighbour girl does not have a relationship? How much did she tell you about her personal life? Because she could be attracted by you, and refrain from kissing if she was in a relationship.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

She likes you, but doesn't *like* you.

 

In your position, I'd treat her as a friend only. She may or may not then decide she *wants to be with you*, and it's a question of a) if you meet anyone else in the meantime and b) how long you'd be prepared to "wait" for her.

[Dating Coach]

Her ACTIONS of pulling away do not coincide with someone who is interested romantically. That's your answer.

 

As far as "waiting for her" that's the wrong decision. Get yourself out there. You deserve more than to sit on the sidelines waiting for someone to decide whether or not you're good enough to date. And if you do "wait" then you show her that she's got you already and that you don't value yourself as much as you should. You should be important to you and if you are willing to limit yourself by sitting there on your butt hoping someone will change their mind about you then you show her that you aren't that important to you. If you don't value yourself, she won't ever value you. It's unattractive.

[Brawnee]

Right on... thanks all. I'm not gonna put all my eggs into her basket. at least not yet. I'll just enjoy the time we spend together and still keep my vistas wide open, as there are others.