In one heck of a sorry mess....

[pinklizard]

Hi eveyone. Firstly, I found this forum only a few days ago and have been poring over everything here. I can't tell you how glad I am to have found sound, solid advice from many of the regular forummers here that genuinely want to help those in pain, and that also are in pain themselves. Its comforting beyond words, just when I was thinking that someone like myself, doesn't deserve any sympathy or comfort.

 

Last December, my 2-year long relationship was ended, mostly by me. He was a man willing to give up anything for me, that loved me with all his heart. I was a scared, spoilt person that pushed him away, and hurt him beyond words, in the process. At 27, he was also the first person in my life I fell in love with, and was unsure about how to deal with being in such a relationship.

 

It took him months, to get over me. During those months, we remained in touch, and I was very insensitive to his feelings. And now, I can't even start to imagine what an idiot I was, and how much I hurt him without even thinking, taking him for granted on a daily basis.

 

Right now, yes I want him back, but not as the cost of our happiness. I have told him that, and I have certainly learnt not to be the person I used to be. However, he does not feel the same way. From Dec last year till now, he has more or less gotten over me, although he still wants to see me as a friend. For me, I love spending time with him, even though I want more and more of that time, I try to hold myself back and remember to give him all the space he needs. He doesn't know whether he could ever fall in love with me again. I know I do, even with all the negative aspects of our past relationship.

 

I want to work this out, but he doesn't. Not right now anyway as it is still fresh and we are both still growing as individuals. I'm in a lot of pain, and guilt, and bashing myself for all the mistakes that I have made and cannot undo. My take now, is that we continue seeing each other, yet grow in our own way, keeping certain aspects of our lives separate to allow the hurt to pass.

 

I wish I could be strong and move on, but it was the greatest, only love of my life and I don't think I could even look at someone else until I knew for a fact that it is over. We are trying slowly, to rebuilt a shattered relationship but it is so very hard.....and sometimes it seems it would be better to move on and give up.

 

This is a terrible story, as many may know, of one person that didn't realise what she had until she lost it. And now I would give anything to bring it back. Thank you for listening, and I wish all of you the best.

[wonderfulconfusion]

Hi there!

Im sorry to read all that....

Sounds to me you seriously need to move on... someone out there is ready to love you back the way you wish him to... how long has this been going on?

Do you live in the same city as he does?

[Meow18]

First of all, welcome to Enotalone!

 

I'm sorry to hear what happened. It really is sad when you realize how much someone means to you when it's too late.

 

You need to move on. You need to start no contact. Not because you don't want to be friends with him, but because you need to get over him in order for you to be happy. He has ALREADY moved on. Seriously, I don't see anything happening between the both of you, it just wasn't right.

 

We all make mistakes. But that's just part of going through the process of finding the right person for you.

 

What I would be worried about is if you didn't learn anything about yourself from your past relationship. But you did. You learned to be more loving and show that you care.

 

You have grown from this experience and I would say that you now have a lot more to offer someone. I just don't think that that someone is this guy.

[Beec]

If you want this guy, then you need to rethink what has occurred so far. By telling him you do, you made a very direct apporach, and that's not the way to lure him in. If you want to lure him back in, then you need to make it seem as if you are moving on.

[rmpavlock]

It looks like maybe he just wasn't the one for you. It's good that you are looking at how you acted in that relationship, but he is already over it and now you need to move on too. Just try to take what you learned from that situation and try to use it for your next relationship. Good luck with everything!

[pinklizard]

Thanks for the welcome. What is confusing however, is that he constantly wants to see me and tells me that he wants to spend time with me. The mixed signals I am getting gives me hope when there should be none. He shouldn't want to have anything to do with me, but we have kept in constant contact even since the breakup?!

 

It is difficult as we share a similar hobby that might find ourselves stuck in a 20m x 20m confined area for a weekend, and of course, we live in the same city. In any case, I will slowly, and surely, let go.

[queenofvalidation]

Whether you intend to rekindle the romance or not, I think what is needed is an apology to him and forgiveness of yourself.

[journey05]

I don't quite understand how some of you can make the statement -"I don't see anything happening between the both of you, it just wasn't right." - just from reading a couple paragraphs from a 2 year relationship.

 

At some point and time you are going to have to confront him about your feelings and about the realtionship. If not you will always hold on to that skimmer of hope and torture yourself.

If you're not ready, test the waters and hang out if you guys can, without talking about the relationship.

I can't tell you that he's moved on or if he still loves you. Get a clear head and do what you feel is right. No need to rush...Good Luck