email from ex posted....need help with this from girls as well!!

[bpure7]

check this out: I posted some things about my ex on other posts and heres a message i got from here today on facebook:

 

Message: Brandon,

I"ve called you twice today to return the gifts. You aren't picking up my calls, or returning them. You are hurt and upset, I understand where you are coming from and I respect that. However, all of these gifts need to be returned. I'm not going to keep them, it's not right. I know you really spoiled me on my birthday, and I appreciate it...but you only purchased those gifts because you thought it would win me over. I can keep presents that were given to me for a benificial matter on your part.

I know that all you have wanted is to love me, and me love you the same. You have been put through hell this past month and its not right. I don't know what I want with my life at this point. A lot is going on in my head and I'm experiencing a lot of emotions. This month has been insane w/ school, dog, money, apartment, emotions and much more. I really don't know whats going on in my life, it scares me. You have always been there for me, and I have always been there for you. And I don't want to see you in pain. I love you more than I've ever loved another guy and it hurts me a lot more than you think to see you suffer like this. You have been waiting for a month for me to come back to you. And you've tried everything you can to make that happen. It just cant happen Brandon. I am emotionaly unstable and I just want to be around people that make it easier for me to figure out who I am. You are in far to much pain to listen to my problems and understand what I am experiencing. And It kills me. You have been my best friend for over a year, and I cant even talk to you about my emotions. It's so .

Anyway...I understand where you're coming from w/ not answering my phone calls. I know where things are heading at this point. You are probably going to shut me out of your life like you did to your ex. If thats the decision you make, I respect it. I just want you to be yourself again. And if it means you have to 100% block me out of your life, then so be it. It's probably best for the both of us. We had an amazing relationship and we brought a lot out in eachother Brandon. Thats a blessing. You have so much going for you right now it's unbelievable! I wish I could be there to hold your hand every step of the way to your success, but unfortunetly...im unclear with what I want in my life and you cant keep waiting. I love you and I know what you need to do for yourself to move on...I'm not mad at you for that.

I'm not taking the tags off of any of the gifts and when you decide you want them back, they will be sitting in their bags with the tags still on them...I promise.

Regards,

Brianne

 

what do you guys think?? for shure I am moving on, but do you think she is just confused?? or just done with me totally?? I know by this email im pretty much out of the equation, but how many of you guys have gotten emails or have had girls write this to you and then come back to you? She told me shes never loved another guy like me and I am just bent on thinking if she will ever comeback?? I want her for shure and am going to give it time, but is there a chance this girl will come back to me. Shes 20 and needs time to grow, but last week she was telling me she knew she was going to marry me and have my kids. Also I didnt buy her the gifts to get back with her I did them, because I loved her and wanted her to be happy on her birthday.

[leo_s84]

You have to give her some space right now. She's at an age where she wants to live life to the fullest and she questions if she can do that with you. She might come back after a while but she might not. My advice to you is move on, go on with your life. Maybe you guys will find each other in the future, you never know.

[friscodj]

Hey B-

 

I have seen this a lot, where someone starts talking about the future, serious things like moving in together, marriage, children, etc., and a short time later they split. I think that has happened here. She thought she wanted that, but then she started talking about it and subsequently really thinking about it. The reality proverbially "hit her" and she found out that is not what she really wants.

 

I think she is pretty sure in her decision, but is fighting with the past, which includes memories of you guys and what she thought she wanted. She is coming to the realization she needs time to find herself which contradicts what she thought she wanted...marriage, family, children, to "settle down" with you or anyone else.

 

Her email is honest, heartfelt, and as clear as it gets my friend. Actually, it is one of the best I have seen in a situation like this, where there really is no "good" answer, no "good" way to end things in the sense of avoiding pain. Everyone will hurt, you and her, and just because you both are hurting does not mean you should be together. This is a mistake I have made before which cost me more pain later on.

 

She is thinking about you wanting to minimize your pain in this, to the point where she takes responsiblity for this with her "emotional instability" and need to "find herself". These are classic signs that her feelings have shifted from "romance" to "sympathy". That's the kiss of death with this my man.

 

Again, I believe she is being honest and does not want to get back together with you. I strongly suggest you come to grips with this and make some necessary emotional distance for yourself.

 

OK, so that's the first part here, what the situation is. The second part here is dealing with it...

 

Realize if you do get back together, it will most likely be the function of her grappling with herself and the realization that she needs to find herself. It will not change the fact that she wants to go. It will be short lived I can guarantee you that, as I have seen and lived this situation from both sides more than once and have yet to see a situation where the "explorer", i.e., the one needing to find themselves, comes back "home".

 

And when she does she'll be a different person. Remember that because it is huge. There are a lot of changes that take place in a person between 16 and say 24 or 25 years old. You have been associated with her "old self" in this sense and the woman you know now is gone in many senses.

 

So she acknowledges your desire for distance and distance is what you need. There is no need to respond to her email, you need to start grieving and getting better in whatever healthy way you can as long as it is away from her.

[caro33]

Agree 100% with frisco, well put.

[Juliana]

Yeah, I left a guy because I felt it was better for him. Actually I've done that a couple of times. It's really really hard to convince someone that you need them, emotional damage and all. Best to just ignore her comments about instability, although she fervently believes them herself. Tell her to keep the gifts; that you gave them because you loved her, not to buy her love, and if she thinks you were trying to buy her, you obviously didn't show that love enough. Don't try to make contact, but don't avoid her. Give her space, show her you can stand on your own two feet, with or without her.

[Pippa]

Sounds like the classic, "its not you, its me syndrome!".

 

Here is the email my ex sent to me last year on the 26 October,

 

 

 

 

 

Hiya (My name)

 

 

I tried calling you earlier this evening but I got your answerphone so I didnt leave a message.

 

The thing is ... i really wanted to talk to you seriously about us! You might have been working, I don't know.

 

Ive come to the decision - and I would have liked to have talked to you in person, but I can't stand another sleepless night fretting over this.

 

I dont want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. I dont think Im doing you any good at all and I know Im no future for you. From my point of view, I know my head is very, very mixed up just now and I need to take some time out to work out what and who I am!! i dont know if that makes any sense to you at all, but it does to me.

 

Im so sorry to do this by email - I did try to call and a face-to-face would have been too far away to do.

 

What I want you to do for me is get right back onto the FRD site and look out a girl who is younger than you, with no history and no present (ie an ex-hub and kids) and find someone who is right for you - someone who is going to marry you and have your children! You know and I know that Im not that person!

 

I still really would like to be friends and you are always welcome in my home and I would still like to go for meals/drinks etc with you as friends. Im sure (her dog)will miss you tremendously. I hope you understand that Im really not in a good place just now. Ive had a miserable week so far and Im hoping the counselling is going to go some way to sorting my wee daft head out but at the moment I need to concentrate on exactly that - getting my head sorted out!

 

I hope you have learned a bit from our relationship - I know I have enjoyed it and consider you a special friend and I hope you dont think of me badly for doing this - please!

 

Ill understand if you dont contact me back - but I would really like to remain pals.

 

Yours with fondness (and trying to get her act together)

 

(Her name provided)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now reading your ex`s email. Its got a lot more sympathy to it, than mine, but overall they seem similar in the fact they seem to blame themselves.

 

Both emails show no indication what went wrong. Unless your ex talked about the problems on a different email. The point is. You shouldn`t read too much in a email. What someone types is totally different from what they think.

 

Trust me. I know my ex didnt mention any of the problems in her email. I found out only second hand what the problems were. She didnt even have the deceny to tell me what was wrong.

 

You can only find out by talking to her, not emailing.

[krnswte143]

hahaha interesting i thought about sending an email to my boyfriend and break up w/ him... but anyways, i think u should give time and see how it goes. it seems she needs time/space to find out who she really is and what she really wants.