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Hard making friends at college


Salucious
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I have this big problem with finding friends at college. I am in an apartment with a few guys that I get along with, but most of them have people they go out with and hang with. I'm in my 6th semester and I still don't have a group of friends to hang out with. It is really hard now since everyone already has good friends that they hang out with and have been with since their freshman year. I feel I have lost my chance to make any good friends. How can I make friends now when they are all already comfortable here? It is like I'd have to infiltrate a group of people who are already close and know eachother. Any time i'm around other people they all seem so comfortable and know each other. I don't even really know anyone besides a few people I had classes with and have lived near. They all seemed to bond and want to be around each other except me. My roomate jokes about me being socailly inept but I can't help it. How can I go out on weekends when I have no one to go out with. I've never been really social, ever really so it is hard for me to know what to do. Most people seem to make friends very easily and I feel like I can't fit in like that.

 

If it was in my power I would turn back time to my freshman year and be a lot more open to people; college was very intimidating to me socially and it took me a while to get used to it. Anyone out there in a similar situation? I am hating that I spend each weekend in my room and not out having fun and fitting in with everyone else.

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I am going through that right now as well, only its bc of a long term relationship which i lost all my hang out friends to...I am on the verge of being somewhat depressed about it so i know what your going through..Dont get me wrong as i am also in college (junior) i have alot of school friends, and outside school friends but its harder being that i commute to school...but everyone has separate lives so it makes getting together very complicated and rarely does it ever work, so i to also spend alot of time sitting around...trying to come out of this slump but dont know what to do...whats even harder is liking a girl who goes out alot and trying to avoid her when she wants to makes plans bc you dont have anyone to go meet her with...(the whole idea of walking into a bar/club alone just makes me feel worthless)....

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Hey, I think I’m similar to you cuz I have trouble making friends too. My advice is to just act like you are part of one of the "groups" I've noticed that that is what sociable people seem to do... they kind of just act like they are good friends with everyone. Where as someone like me (& maybe you?) over analyzes everything and waits for signals if the person likes me or not etc etc

I don’t know if that makes sense but hope it helps!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am in the same situation and its even harder for me because I commute to school rather than live in the dorms or an apartment with roommates. I am a junior also. I didn't have much of a social life while in high school and I had high hopes that would change in college - it did not.

 

I also attend a school that is attended by mostly locals, so naturally people maintain their highschool identity and prefer to be with people from their own highschool. I regret all the time not going off to a far off school where everybody is mixed up and has to make new friends. I think it would have been easier than trying to infiltrate cliques that have been together since kindergarten, let alone not having that commute barrier that is holding me back now.

 

Another guy I know who had a similar less-than-stellar social situation in high school went off to college, and he has made loads of friends. He tells me how nice people are there and how they are so inclusive compared to the exclusive cliquiness in high school. College for me has just been an extension of high school.

 

Ive pretty much lost hope of ever having good friends again.

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You know what? The friends I had my freshman year were great, but by the time I graduated college I had lost touch with a few of those and had a new group of friends. You didn't miss your chance. You just need to find people with common interests. How about taking up some on campus activity? How about going out with your roommates? What about people in classes? I think, too, that the more you get into your major the more you find your niche of people. No worries.

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You don't have to pretend to 'belong' in groups that you don't belong in. People might not like that.

If you are socially inept, as you claim, chances are that people don't invite you to hang out with them because they think you don't want to. You might be very quiet and unresponsive to their efforts (out of shyness). Try being more open and friendly and see how that works for you.

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