So why does she blow hot & cold?

[hjc]

Been maintaining NC quite well and responding when my ex contacts me (we still have to give each other stuff back so were in the process of sorting that out).

 

Thing is that she comes accross as very friendly when she does contact me, but then pulls away...only to come back very friendly again after a while. For example, last week she sent me an email along the lines of "let me know when you're back in town and let's meet up. Give me dates and i'll try to fit in your schedule". So I do that and then hear absolutely nothing....

 

Part of me feels like I'm being played, part of me thinks she doesn't want to give me false hope and part of me thinks she wants to try to come back and is testing the water but doesnt have the guts.

 

I'm really confused with all of this. I'm now back to strict NC and I'll respond only when she comes back with a suggestion for a time to give each other our stuff back. Anyone else had a similar experience.

 

I really don't know what she expects from me.....almost tempted to ask her (in a nice way) but I'm not even sure she knows.Thoughts anyone?

[ConfusedasEVER]

"let me know when you're back in town and let's meet up. Give me dates and i'll try to fit in your schedule"

 

Let's meet up sounds as if she'd like to see you. I'd simply tell her when you're available, and meet with her and see what she has to say. If it's to exchange belongings, do that. Don't mention anything about the relationship.

[hjc]

I think she does want to meet up but I just don't get why she seems to be dragging her heels to communicate and arrange a time.

[Tigris]

If she wants her stuff back make her come to your house and collect it, that way she won't be able to play games with you. Make sure you find everything so you don't have to keep seeing her.

[blueberrypie]

Honestly, "let me know when you're back in town and let's meet up. Give me dates and i'll try to fit in your schedule" doesn't sound like she wants to get back with you now. She wants to see you, but she may just want to check how you are doing.

If you don't want to get played, can't you arrange for your friend to give her stuff back to her? In that way, if she just wants her stuff back, she's gonna get it through your friend, but if she wants to see you, she'll ask you to bring her stuff.

[hjc]

I agree entirely that it doesn't sound like she wants to get back together. My issue is why she is very positive about meeting up (and I'm basing that on previous communication as well as her latest) and then when it gets closer to being a reality ('cos I actually offer dates) she pulls away and ignores me on the pretext of being busy....

 

Seems to me that either she wants to see me or she doesn't. If not, then so be it and if so, why ask and then seem reluctant (which is the only thing I can infer from her silence). All in all (much as I want her back) makes me just not want to see her....I'm not pushing for a meeting (after all I initiated NC and have stuck to it except where she's initiated conversation) so why do I end up feeling like I am driving a process which she doesn't want.

 

Anyway, she has my availability (well at least she has what was my availability - I am not waiting for her to reply and am planning my life. If my diary fills up and we can't meet because of that then so be it).

 

Any thoughts (esp from previous dumpers) as to what the hell is going on in her mind very much appreciated!

[river dog]

then when it gets closer to being a reality ('cos I actually offer dates) she pulls away and ignores me on the pretext of being busy....

 

My ex kissed and cuddled me if we bumped into each other - said "call me", agreed to a date then flaked. Weeks later, the same thing, this time she just ignored my texts and calls over the agreed period of time.

 

I set my boundary the first time. The second time told I was bored with her juvenile games and wished her well i.e. I had to "dump" the dumper. Haven't seen or heard from her since and it hurts but I took control and it felt better than being jerked around.

 

What she was thinking is anybody's guess but the key is that you do not need to know. That will drive you crazy. You set boundaries and if she doesn't respect them, tell her and walk. There is no middle way.

[hjc]

Nicely put RiverDog. I must try that strategy. I'm now just getting on with my life; if I'm free on a night she can do then cool, but if not then that's tough for her.