Did I blow her off too soon?

[bluef1n]

I met this girl recently, ended up kinda going like a one night stand, however it was amazing. We spent the night in bed having fun but alot of time talking too, woke up 100% naked but 100% comfortable, did it again in the morning, walked her to her car and called later that day..

 

The next day we went out and we had a great time and repeated the above..

 

The next night she said she was going out with friends for a pre-planned going away party but stated I could call her early in the evening, I did and she never returned my call or text message..

 

Heard back from her that night in a quick little text just saying hi.. next day I called and like 3 hours later in the late afternoon she got back and said she was too tired (understandable given the last two nights) to let me take her out to dinner.. she said the night before she was too stressed with friends calling and running around to get ready and stuff to get back to me.

 

I called her the next day after that, she didn't get back.. sent a text today and she responded like 5 hours later apologizing saying she was wicked busy at work.. so we kinda chit-chatted via text and I asked her if she wanted to do the mexican dinner thing we spoke about on the last date, she said she was broke and trying to save $$ for a trip she was taking, so I said no worries on me, and she stated she'd get back to me on it..

 

My response was pretty much, "I'll be fine either way, trust me! but no bs what's the score, do you want to see me again or not??"..

 

She responded saying she'd made a mistake and really didn't want to be seeing someone right now and that it probably wasn't a good idea to sleep with eachother anymore, but that she hoped we could be friends... now I got this girl off 3 times last time we saw eachother so I know it ain't the sex..

 

I stated (which is true) I keep in touch with two people I'm not sleeping with - my brother and a friend, that I could never really be her friend given my conflict of interest after sleeping with her (plus I think she's a really great girl and would love to date her).. but that we were ok and she could drunk dial if she wanted and if I'm not busy I'd probably be in for it and a "latea".

 

I got an "ummm.. ok" - *then* she called ... Pretty much she says after her last relationship (at least a few months ago) she's not ready to see anyone and needs to be single but also that the time with me was amazing and I made her feel great about herself and all that jazz but she just can't let it go any further 'cause she doesn't want to see anyone and needs to be single..

 

So I say "god forbid you have three great nights with the same guy???".. anyway so I tell her I'm not gonna call, call if you want, drunk dial if you want , I don't hate you but basically there's no reason to stay in touch, will let you get back to the TV, goodnight have a nice life etc.. I think I was very clear, mature, and civil about it without getting defensive, nasty, or anything...

 

Basically I think I could see her "as friends" and would end up sleeping together and all that jazz, but to me that sounds like no-where but a whole lot of jeolousy and anxiety as I really would want a relationship with this chick if we hit it off and she feels the need to prevent that, could never be honest.. it would be different if I didn't like her.

 

This situation seems to be reversed in the male & female roles, what is wrong with this picture?

 

Kinda thinking tomorrow I'm gonna talk to her and let her know one last time I think she's great and just that I wish our timing was better, bad idea?

 

I really believe she thinks I'm great too and has some feelings based on the things she said and the way she acted.. What might this chick be going through?? Did I do the right thing??

 

Thanks!

[DN]

I would not advise calling her. If she wants you she will call. Best to move on to someone else.

[eleanorrigby1]

Im sorry but no matter what you say she has stated what she wants and that is to be single. its no reflection on you. I have been there myself. I split with an ex and I was devestate and I immediately jumped into bed with another guy we spent a week like that, he liked me, I felt a bit cheap actually, but I realised that the timing was off, I needed to be single, have some fun with my mates get over my ex properly, recover, think about 'me' for a while, so when he called I just told him. He probably didnt get it and thought, like you, that something was wrong. However, sometimes the simpliest reason is usually the truth, she just wants to be single. Accept it and be grateful if didnt happen when you had invested real feelings.

 

Find someone else and this time maybe don't jump into bed too soon.

[amtjrtcet]

I think if you bring up the idea of a relationship or dating again you'll really turn her off. She's clearly stated that she doesn't want that right now, and if you bring it up you won't be respecting what she's told you. It'll come accross as pushy. Let it go.

[Siriana]

You sound like a good and normal guy.

Don't call her again. She gently blew you off, no need to say anything more to her. She is not interested in you. Sorry

[n83]

I agree with Michelleth on this one. She stated her case already; there's no reason to call her (again) and let her know (again) that you're available to her or really like her. Whatever her reasons are it's pretty clear that you need to let go and prepare to move on.

[bluef1n]

Thanks guys -

 

I suppose I should mention I never got into relationship stuff with her at all, the only thing I said to that chick was pretty much that she was great and I liked being around her.. she's the one who was snuggling with my shoulder the whole way home the other night and she was even kinda appalled when I responded to something she said with "well if we are still speaking in a couple months I'd definitely be in for that".. she said "why wouldn't we be speaking in a couple months?"..

 

What kinda eats at me is when she was on the phone last night she really didn't want to go and I just listened to her case, then stated my case and said "bye".. I was kinda cold about it.. she wanted to somehow stay in touch and was kinda thrown back when I told her "no, sorry can't be bothered with you".. I feel like a * * * * * * * 'cause she seemed like such a great girl and I had to basically tell her to f-off..

 

She seemed to think there would be some middle ground... I guess in the back of my mind I think mabye if I played it right and we were casually seeing eachother eventually she would probably change her mind.. at the same time though once I've got real feelings for a girl not having a real relationship is alot of stress and anxiety that I definitely can't handle and do not need in my life..

 

Anyway thanks guys.

[blondebombshelter]

Maybe you could still call her from time to time ... just to be friendly, see how she's going... don't try to make a date or ramble on about wanting a relationship. Don't make it regular or predictable. Maybe you'll grow on her if you do that! Hey, it worked on me with the guy I'm hung up on at the moment!

[bighair]

I have been on the receiving end of this, and it does suck. But, it isn't a rejectin of you...don't take it personally...i know...it sounds lame, but it's the truth. you should listen to her when she says she's not interested in a rel. with anyone at this point.

 

like you, i was not interested in having a friendship with the men who have said this to me in the past. so, when they would say let's be friends, i would respond by saying that i already have plenty of them.

 

it's up to you.