You Smell! Take A Shower!

[scarew]

Okay, so I am NOT the high maintanance type where I die if I don't shower every day. Every other day is fine with me as long as I don't sweat buckets at the gym or something. But now I am pregnant and my senses are sooooooo heightened its crazy. My bf also showers like every other day but since I can smell everything so well right now, he just stinks! He gets like night sweats and I seriously can't stand sleeping in the same bed as him unless he showers that day. It makes me barf because I am already so nautious from "morning" sickness (actually its more like all-day sickness).

 

Also, He smokes pot (outside of course) which I don't mind. But recently his friend gave him some oil, which is just super concentrated THC. REALLY bad for you but thats another story. When he smokes oil I can smell it and taste it when I kiss him and I honestly cannot stand it. Its so unlike me to be that picky but its only because of the pregnancy. It fricken STINKS! BLAAAAACH!

 

It's to the point where I avoid sex (even though I want to) unless he just brushed his teeth and took a shower. What am I supposed to say to him? It would hurt his feelings so much if I was like eeeeeeeeew go clean yourself! Mostly because its so unlike me. ](*,) What's a woman to do?

 

Sarah

10 weeks

[babypink61]

First of all, why the heck is he doing drugs around the house when you're pregnant with the baby??? I think that might be your bigger problem rather than his personal hygene . . .

[scarew]

No marijuana arguments please.

He smokes outside and in his car. I am safe.

[southerngirl]

Is marijuana even legal there? Where I live, it can get one thrown in jail.

 

 

Anyway, how about showering with him? Then you can wash him yourself and at the same time increase your closeness to one another.

[Dako]

Get him to clean up his act. He could at least do that while you clomp around pregnant with his kid. Daily showers and toothbrushing after he gets buzzed, clean clothes, etc. Maybe he can quit the hash oil for some leaf goods for the duration.

 

Be glad this is temporary.

My ex had a hypersensitive nose, and life was challenging at times.

[BellaDonna]

Pregnancy and partying don't mix. Even if he is not carrying the baby in his body, he should still stay away from partying. Will he be acting this way when you have a newborn? Hopefully he won't be too burnt-out to be a good father.

 

I know you have not noticed this scent until you got pregnant (you were probably used to it, but pregnancy heightened your senses), but chances are, most other people can smell the pot on him.

 

You might just want to kindly advise him to shower daily, so that in the event he is pulled over by the police, he can lower his chances of getting interrogated because he smells like pot.

 

Cops are keen and can detect the smell of pot or alcohol on a person fairly easily.

 

BellaDonna

[scarew]

Yes yes showering with him. If I brush my teeth in the shower maybe he will too hahahaha.

 

Marijuana is the least of the police's worries here. They compensate it and smoke it themselves. I have a cop in the family. He told me even if someone is growing it, if its less than 100 plants they dont even bother looking! I was surprised to hear that, but it could be just in the city I live in. I am from a very green-rich region.

 

Belladonna: actually my sweetie is not a partyer at all anymore. If he didn't tell me that he smoked pot and I couldnt smell it I would never know. He smokes on his lunch break at work sometimes. Or when he's in the shop.

[southerngirl]

So it is not technically legal there? Maybe you should get him to clean up his party lifestyle now that you have decided to have a baby.

 

Okay. So from your other posts we know that you are in college, intentionally got pregnant.... Have you told your parents yet that you are expecting?

 

Have you gone to the doctor yet?

[Clementine orange]

The poster is from Canada, pot is practically legal here. Indeed you would have a pretty hard time getting arrested for it. Even if you did manage to get arrested then the courts just throw it out.

We got bigger problems like our southern neighbors bringing guns over the border and using them for crimes.

 

The husbands pot smoking days will be over once that baby shows up - no more free time for him. lol

 

Here's a theory, maybe your heightened sensitivity towards your husband smoking is actually you being subconsciously resentful of the fact that your life has changed (and will change even more) and yet your husband's hasn't. Just a theory

 

I shower everyday and I wish everyone would. I take a crowded metro (subway) everyday and I have found that PEOPLE STINK!!! and not just their bodies, their breath!

Just the cost of living in the 21st centruy I guess.

[Day_Walker]

If him stinking is the problem then get him to take a shower more, odds are he will listen to you for a little bit then he will return to his normal ways. Most likely this will turn into a larger issue because you will be nagging him about something. I say encourage and dont nag that way you will have a more positive result.

As for the whole weed thing, I am not gonna preach because it is something that he is going to do and it will only have a maringal effect if any on the child.

[BellaDonna]

As for the whole weed thing, I am not gonna preach because it is something that he is going to do and it will only have a maringal effect if any on the child

 

I have to say that I disagree with that. I am not going to say whether pot is "right" or 'wrong", however I know one story of my husband's childhood with his burn-out father and mother, and how he knew what was going on as a young kid- how people were always over the house "smoking" and how he saw his mother get arrested when the cops set-up a sting to sell pot to her and she took the bait. He also knew the drawer where his father kept his pot, etc...he began experimenting with it at the mere age of 10. He's lucky he made something of himself in life instead of following in their footsteps. He could have easily become a druggie & went down the wrong path. He could be slurring like his own father does now, for all the damage he has did to his brain over the years when my husband was a child.

 

Kids know far more than you think they do.

 

BellaDonna

[southerngirl]

I STILL think you should offer to shower together, it could be kind of fun... and you get to assure yourself that he is clean before bedtime.

[Dako]

Be glad this isn't permanent.

My ex was hypersensitive to smells.

She took 2-3 showers each day and could smell things no one else could.

We'd visit people and she'd mention they had a gas leak as she walked in, and a skunk in the neighborhood would make her physically ill. At 2 AM she'd decide to change the sheets and ask me to shower.

 

I don't miss that.

I don't stink.

[southerngirl]

What you do does greatly influence your children.

 

I knew my mom smoked pot. She used to keep in in her room and I knew where. She thought it was some big secret. She didnt even know she used to supply me with it as a teenager.

 

But when I had my own child, somewhere around the age of 20 I grew up.. I realised that I didnt want that for my own children.

 

Im proud to say that I am drug free.

 

Kids know more than some give them credit for. One should be very careful of the lessons taught to their own children by their own actions.

[Juliana]

I agree. Which is why I'd rather have a guy smoking pot in my living room, than a guy cleaning a gun in my living room.

 

Canada's different. It's okay. We're all so high up here we don't care if you don't approve, anyway.

 

OP, yeah to the stinky husband, I feel your pain. I love my guy, but I throw him in the shower myself when I have to. And my friend has it worse -- husband's a doctor, comes home in stained "work clothes," and doesn't shower before going to bed...eeeewwwww.....

[southerngirl]

My husband and I do not own guns either. I do not want them in my home because I want to protect my children. WE do have a bb gun that shoots harmless BB's at cans in the yard.

 

It doesnt have to be a canadian law vs american laws debate here.

 

I will still say I am proud to be drug free.

[BornToResist]

What does your bf do for a living?

 

I am usually pretty nice and considerate as well, so I can understand not wanting to insult him. But once I got pregnant, that all went away. I would just up and leave the room and tell him I couldn't stand his cologne, hot wings, sunflower seeds, whatever it was. Pregnancy changes you and that's that. He had to adjust, as did I. (I would also tell him "ewwww...you're smelly...." and he was able to laugh about it and shower.)

 

I think the showering thing is a good idea too, but maybe after he gets out of the shower one day, compliment him and tell him how good his hair smells or something like that. It will make him feel good and actually WANT to smell good.

[rocio]

I can totally relate. My boyfriend, although he showers every day, still has a certain boy-smell. It never bothered me because I knew he wasn't dirty. But after I became pregnant a few months ago, it really bothered me. I find it helps to wash his clothes and the sheets more often. But otherwise, since (like your man) he is already keeping himself clean, there's not much more I can do.

 

He doesn't smoke (I was the one going outside for a puff before getting pregnant.. but then I'm Canadian, so what would you expect???) but his cologne also makes me queasy.

 

I showed him some excerpts from pregnancy books where it said that expecting mothers would be hypersensitive. That way he understood that it wasn't HIM that was grossing me out.. My hormones were to blame!

[kellbell]

"It doesnt have to be a canadian law vs american laws debate here."

 

Yes, please folks, let us stay on topic and debating these kinds of things does not help the original poster's dilemma.

 

Anyhow,

 

I like the idea of showering together and lathering one another up. It could give you both a chance to be more intimate with one another, and make the bond stronger. I wonder if this happens a lot to a woman whom is pregnant.

[southerngirl]

Oh im definitely more aware of smells now that Im expecting a baby.

 

 

The showering together works for me, my husband really gets a kick outa it..

 

I just say 'hey honey lets take a shower'...... he is clean... Im happy.... He gets a free peek show... he is happy =)

[scarew]

LOL at the Canadian vs. American stuff. But I agree, lets end that. I'm an anthropology student, I try to just look at it as different cultures.

 

I have gone to the doctor btw. She says alot of her friends in medical school did the same thing as me. Having kids while your young prevents alot of complications. Also she leans towards this concept of having kids while your in school so that you can spend MORE time with them than if you were done school and working. As long as you have a good support system and have your finances figured out of course. Which, in my lovely country, is not too hard obtain if you are a student. My kids will be a little older when I am ready to hit the work force. That's when I will be the most busy and the kids will be busy with their own activites. School is something I can take part-time, through the internet, and take summers off from. More ideal for having little babies in my opinion.

 

I find it a very traditional way of thinking that you have to wait until your done college until you have kids. What if I went to college and got some crappy business diploma a got a job for $12/hr and THEN decided to have kids? Would you have more respect for me?

 

My summer job that I have now pays twice as much as most people make when they get out of college/university. But its not what I want to do so its just a job for me. I hope it makes y'all feel better that I've thought it through.

 

P.S. thank you Canadian buddies for understanding why its not that big of a deal to me that my husband smokes pot.

 

BTR-That is hilarious about chicken wings lol! My husband does reno's so yah, he stinks like dust and man-sweat. icky.

 

Dako-You made me laugh! She would ask you to change the sheets in the middle of the night!?! That is the funniest thing I've heard all day!

 

Thanks for the support guys

[southerngirl]

If I had but one regret in life. One thing that more than anything else I would go back and change....

 

I would have waited a few more years to have my first son. Oh, Im happy he is here.

 

I was 19, and a freshman in college. I found out I was pregnant, it was an unplanned pregnancy. I decided I would have him and take care of him to the best of my abilities.

 

I did not have an abortion. My son will be nine in November.

 

I did not graduate college. I dropped out and went to work full time when that semester was over. I promised myself I would go back.

 

I still havent gone back and here I am looking at 10 years later, where am I?

Im here hoping to go back sometime. I would have been a lawyer by now.

 

That is why I say its allways best to wait. But its your life not mine. Either way I wish you well with your pregnancy and I hope that you are healthy and your little baby is healthy!

 

No judgement here, I only mean to help in my concern.

 

Do you think that he would take a shower with ya? That might solve your problem.

[scarew]

I think if I ask him in the right way (heh heh) he will definetly have a shower with me. Also the others have given good advice by just being blunt and saying that its my horomones and if we want me to keep my food down so the baby can eat then we have to make some changes. He is pretty good about other stuff already. Like I CANNOT touch raw meat w/o barfing. So he does all the meat cooking/prep. But I'm pregnant, not broken, so I still cook the other stuff. He also is good about cleaning certain things because I can't stand certain smells. I am sure he'll understand. Thanks guys xoxoxoxoxo

[rocio]

Southern girl.. I understand how you feel. But I don't think you have to regret it. You never know how things would have turned out otherwise. I don't mean to downplay the fact that you've sacrificed alot. You sound incredibly strong and hardworking.

 

I think it's great that you are doing this now, scarew. I always thought that I should wait until I finished school before having a child. So I did. In some ways, it's sweet. For example, I get a year of paid mat leave when the baby comes. And stability and independence. But you say that you have the finances under control. So I applaud you. Although I don't like to have regrets, I would totally recommend to others that they don't have to wait.

[Momene]

I had my daughter at 35. She is absolutely great but I wished I'd had her 10 years earlier. I think it can work the other way, too.