No closure/ NC/ how long for his call?

[Scout]

I think that there are two separate issues that we need to address. Scout, you have helped Jamie to stay calm and not panic, I think it's wonderful. You are paying forward for what DN did for you awhile ago.

 

However, this is an intelligent, polite, and well mannered man. He DOES KNOW that it's not right not to call, contact, or email to a woman he has been intimate with. The only reason for this behavior is could be him having second thoughts about reconnecting, being firm in his decision not to get involved with Jamie again, and actually avoiding hurting her by giving her false hopes. In fact, he may feel really bad about it and hide again! Which is exactly what passive-aggressive people do.

 

Another issue that Whoops touched on is HOW MUCH pain and frustration are you capable of tolerating Jamie just to be with David?

 

So, if he was to call or email her next week, that wouldn't be good enough? And how do we know he's having "second" thoughts versus just having careful thoughts in general? Given what we know about this guy, he is somewhat cautious, and he may need more time before contacting her again. I personally feel he will contact her again, and that just because he's not doing so within a certain time frame doesn't mean he's using her.

[moonbeam111]

I guess only David and Jamie can both tell what is going on in their heads and hearts now. I personally would look for patterns. Has he been attentive to her needs and in a regular contact in the past? How does he deal with confrontation, choices, and responsibilities?

 

For example, when he resents his mother, he wouldn't speak to her for weeks. He is probably conflict-avoidant. Again, just a guess.

 

Jamie definitely surprised him by not blaming, confronting, or demanding. She even apologized to him and made him feel loved and appreciated.

[Scout]

For example, when he resents his mother, he wouldn't speak to her for weeks. He is probably conflict-avoidant. Again, just a guess.

 

I can't deny that doesn't give me pause for thought, too. I mean, there are several things that give me pause for thought in Jamie's situation, to be quite candid.

 

And I know every situation is unique. So, I don't want to say because of what I experienced in my reconciliation means it's going to turn out the same way for Jamie and David. But...I can't help but point out that there were many times during my own process that I not only had pause for thought, but was ready to chuck the whole thing because I assumed the absolute worse.

 

By raining in my impulse to act on those negative feelings and emotions, everything really did turn out much better. And that I fully accepted the idea of chucking out a timetable for anything.

 

It was also the first time I TRULY reigned in every one of my impulses.

 

We can't control what the other person does or think. But we can control what we do. Often, that makes an incredibly significant impact on a situation.

 

If you folks knew me in "real life" you'd see I'm hardly a peppy Richard Simmons-type, lol. But I'm beginning to see there's really something to all this power of positive thinking (and positive-acting!) stuff! It's changing my perceptions on so many aspects of life, actually, not just my relationship skills.

[jamiek]

"Has he been attentive to her needs and in a regular contact in the past? How does he deal with confrontation, choices, and responsibilities?

For example, when he resents his mother, he wouldn't speak to her for weeks. He is probably conflict-avoidant. Again, just a guess.

Jamie definitely surprised him by not blaming, confronting, or demanding. She even apologized to him and made him feel loved and appreciated."

 

He was over-all attentive to my needs in the past (but has always been a bit withholding of emotions and avoidant I think of getting too close) and was in regular contact (every other day or so). He is absolutely "conflict-avoidant" it is a major problem/source of stress for him. He is intelligent and well-mannered and does know what he is doing. He's an entertainment lawyer and said he hates conflict even on the phone and could have never been a Litigator. He said he has problems with communication and he DOES. Passive-aggressives (and he is) tend to send mixed messages and sit on fences and it usually is done to control a situation so they do not feel dependant instead "in control" (their underlining issue is dependency (they are overly dependent due to overly-controlling moms and it scares them so they act out to gain control and autonomy). Can you tell I have a Masters in counseling I feel like honestly, he was attached somewhat before then dumped me when we got closer and he was confronted w/ issues and anger once, then since I reconnected with him he knew he had "control" and I feel like he is holding onto the control by not calling and making me now (total turn of the tables). I believe I did surprise him by not blaming but in a sense I played into his manipulation and control issues – I gave him the control and let him off the hook for how he hurt me treated me (I did say it hurt). The thing is that he hurt me with the break-up and he knows that and yet he is acting the way he is – it seems selfish and even abnormal frankly. It would be one thing if we had a casual date to not hear from him but it wasn't casual – he was overly affectionate, spoke of spending x-mas together and HE chose to spend the night together. It didn't feel casual (he knows that). Perhaps Moonbeam is right that he is having second thoughts but I don't think that's entirely it although it may be him backing off b/c he is still uncertain. I'm not sure. I wrote what I keep thinking some options were above. I can't help to feel like it is either about he control thing or simply "don't want her to think we're serious" thing. It could even be a test to see how I react to the low key thing right now – will I get angry and blow up or pressure him. One way or another, he is going on with his daily activities (including getting on match) knowing it's been a week and intentionally choosing not to contact me.

[Scout]

I feel like honestly, he was attached somewhat before then dumped me when we got closer and he was confronted w/ issues and anger once, then since I reconnected with him he knew he had “control” and I feel like he is holding onto the control by not calling and making me now (total turn of the tables). I believe I did surprise him by not blaming but in a sense I played into his manipulation and control issues – I gave him the control and let him off the hook for how he hurt me treated me (I did say it hurt).

 

Hmmmm...well people who are conflict-avoidant are typically afraid of conflict because they feel they have little control over it. They are often afraid of communication, for the same reasons...usually because they have doubts about their own communication skills.

 

So, giving him some control over the pace of seeing each other might not be a bad thing, really. It might make him feel a bit more secure, relax his guard a bit, eventually, etc.

 

My boyfriend is very conflict-avoidant, too. I knew he needed to measure and pace things slowly because of this. So...I gave him what he needed.

 

And as Carrie from Sex and the City noted once: "Sometimes, when we get what we need, we find we don't need it so much anymore." Perhaps in David's case, it's not so much about needing control, as opposed to just knowing that he's not being controlled. By being perfectly ok with waiting a while to see him, you're showing him that you are not anxious, not getting upset with him, not feeling the emotions that typically lead to conflict - the very thing he's afraid of.

 

I mean, this could all be a subconscious test on his part, you never know. "Will she stay nice and pleasant if I don't call her for a week? Let's see how sincere this new side of her really is."

 

Of course, I'm entirely conjecturing here, too. We don't know what's going on in his head, so best tactic is to stay positive and open.

[jamiek]

I can do this but I almost feel like he will sit back and even try to make me do the work/calling now for him to have control – I really wonder if I don’t contact him, how long (if ever) it would take him to do it. Should I just let it happen and wait??? He’s so frustrating – difficult to deal with.

[Scout]

As I said before, yes, let him make contact this time. I am almost certain he will.

 

But don't "sit back and wait." There's a difference. The latter will just stress you out.

 

So...stay busy with meaningful, fulfilling activities.

[jamiek]

ok, will do (no hear still!). At some point it will make for an awkwardness (if he waits too long)- I'll keep you posted. THANKS again!!!

[moonbeam111]

Jamie, if what you said about his personality and communication style is true, then this type of behavior is chronic and persistent. Are you ready to endure the same disappearing act over and over?

 

This is not a healthy behavior. You can try to tolerate this behavior and deny your needs, be sweet and understanding, but you would not be able to dissolve frustration and ignore absolutely normal expectations you have for your partner.

[jamiek]

Moonbeam I know, I guess I question how severe the issue is still and how much is PA and how much is other things. It is funny that you say that about normal expectations because I started to question if my expectations were "absolutely normal" or if I was putting on too much "pressure". I accepted responsibility for too much pressure. The probblem is that even if it was too much pressure, it seems to me that someone who cares wouldn't just dump you, they'd tell you that (but he can't communiate and withdrawls instead). PA's also resent expectations (even small ones b/c of their control issues - they think you are degrating them). Example: when I drove to his place he'd have to come down to the garage to let me in. Whenever I called to ask him to come down (b/c there was no parking out front) he always said yes but sounded annoyed. I asked him once "Does it annoy you that I ask you to come down and let me in?" and he said "well it's just an inconvenience" - this is a biker who did about 35 miles a day. I told him that it wa an inconvenience for me to have to find parking and he then said "I know, I don't want you to have to look for a spot". Anyway, he always sounded slightly annoyed until I called him on it - a small expectation that seemed degrating to the PA. Who says that? I was very annoyed. He kissed up to me afterwards! Don't get me wrong, he could be very sweet and doted on me often as well. Anyway, I believe he does fit the personality type (he acknowledged that he is PA) but I'm not sure to what extent and if his behavior is about that or simply about his feelings, or lack there of, for me (they have issues with intimacy too). Can you believe he has been in therapy for 11 years straight he told me (twice a week now). I wonder what this therapist is doing for him and what is going on with him. He thinks he is ready for and wants marriage by the time he is 40, he's 38, and I guess feels I'm not "the one". It's confusing and hurtful stuff. I haven't heard from him and it's almost the end of the workday on Friday. I will wait for him to contact me but it should be interesting to se how long it takes and at some point it will be awkward if too much time passes.

[jamiek]

UPDATE! Sooo .... David just left me a voice mail (Saturday 1:15 pm) asking me to go to a show with him tomorrow. This guy blows my mind. One minute I wonder if I'll even hear from him again ...?? Once again, I'm not sure if I should bring anything up. I will go tomorrow and have fun. I wouldn't bring anything up there anyway - possibly after if it was the right time'place. I still think it's not nice to not have called after sleeping over for a week (and he should know that). I just want to at least ask something about the "no potential long-term" thing (for some sense of clarity). If I don't say anything about the week of no hear, I can simply just say no to sex next attempt (which I will). God you guys, I don't know what to do anymore w/ him. I''m with him and it's all good so I feel I shouldn't pressure, then not w/ him and feel stupid for not saying something (like I'm disresepecting myself and being a sucker/foolish) - uggggg! HELP!

[Scout]

Sweetie...why is it "not nice" of him? Where is the rule book that says this?

 

Everything seems to be moving in a positive direction, just not at the faster pace you want. For whatever reasons, he needs to go at a more cautious pace right now. Honestly, I really think you should let him have this for a bit before you go for the "clarity" talk, but that ultimately has to be your call.

 

I KNEW he'd get in touch with you. (sorry, couldn't resist!)

[Scout]

I just want to at least ask something about the "no potential long-term" thing (for some sense of clarity).

 

eeeks, I don't think the time is right AT ALL to ask him again about the potential long-term thing. If you simply must ask him something (and I really suggest you hold that back, but not sure if you can) ask him if he's enjoying the times you two are spending with each other of late and let him know you are, too!

[jamiek]

I will refrain from any major questioning for now (unless somethign occurrs to force me to do so). I feel like I need to have some sense of control and respect for myself so I can get that by at least not having sex with him for now. I will simply tell him that I would just like to chill out from that for now I guess. I really wonder if he wanted and waited fro me to call and when I didn't, he did. I left him a voice mail in returntonight (5:15) saying it would be fun and thanks for the invite. I hope I'm not being foolish and my caring and volnerability aren't being taken advantage of. Thanks again!

[jamiek]

IT'S OVER between David and I. The discussion brought itself up. He came and picked me up for the show (gave me a warm kiss hello). We went to lunch first. Over lunch he asked if I had a date over the weekend. I said no. He said "You can calll me anytime to hang out ya know or for some booty (laughing)" I then said "thanks David, that's very nice of you (playfully)" and he laughed! I asked if he had any weekend dates (b/c he asked but it was weird) and he said yes a third one Friday night but it would be the last one - no interest. He said he wants a woman who will show interest in him, pursue him, kiss him etc (they didn't even kiss by a 3rd date). It wa hard to hear and felt somewhat disrespectful to me. I reminded him that's not how it happened b/w us and women like to be pursued at first. Anyway he then asked about how my dates had been going and I then told him that this discussion felt weird. He asked why and I said "because you were in my bed last Saturday night" (I'm sorry, I couldn't help it - I said it nicely). He said at some point after "well WHEN one of us becomes serious with someone else then we'll have to stop that (sex)". I was in absolute awe the way he said that. He asked what was wrong and I said "the way you said that ..." I had a hard time spitting it out and being volnerable but I did, I said "You say that as if there is no chance that WE could also end up serious" he then reminded me of what he said at lunch about our lack of long-term potential. I told him he was right that he did tell me it and I appreciated the honesty and it had been on my mind but I didn't say anything. I asked why he thought that and he said we're just different/have different interests, his place is very clean and mine is messy .... (he is very type A). He also said he didn't feel love for me like he had with other girlfriends in the past (the few unusuccessful ones that he has had). I told him that love takes time and I've never taken it lightly or said it that soon. We were talking nicely and calmly. I said ok then (what can you say to that, right?). He oddly asked me "When you've been with men sexually in the past that weren't boyfriends or had no long-term potential, did it feel intimate like it does between us?" I asked why and he said he was just wondering because he had never had that experience (I'm his 5th sexual partner and girlfriend) and I said there weren't many but no they didn't feel that way. Weird? I asked why he is wrapped around me always and so forth if he didn't feel that way and he said becaus he loves spending time with me and feels a connection with me and close to me. He said he can feel that and close to someone and still know that they're not the one he'll marry (I guess he has very specific things in mind that he wants). I said ok and that I never knew for sure he was "the one" but I hadn't ruled it out either. He had COMPLETELY ruled it out apparently, which I'll never understand from the other things he said and does. Anyway, I could go on but that's the gist of it. He said that if it would be too hard emotionally to still see him then he understands and I told him it was and I couldn't see him anymore but that I still wanted to go to the concert to see the artist today. We wlaked out and he put his arm around me and I removed it - he said he couldn't help it - he always wants to touch me. Anyway, in the car he told me that he'd respect my decision to not see him and wouldn't call me unless I called him. I told him that this has all been his decision: the break-up and what he told me. The hardest part was that the concert was this amazing singer/song-writer and it was in a small room of about 25 people sitting on pillows on the floor and her music is mellow and touching (a Sarah McGlaughlin type sp?). It was hard. I had tears rolling down my face at times throughout but he didn't see although others did (I leaned back while crying). I then just put my arms around him and held on to him and he did the same back rubbuing me and holding tight. One song was "this moment" and the next was "You can go" - couldn't have been more fitting. Anyway, sorry about the mellow-drama but it helps to write it out. We left and he drove me home. The weirdest part was the good-bye in the car. He pulled up in front and I turned to hug him and he did and then he had a a samll smile/grin on his face and said "See ya later" and I got out and that was it. This guy is weird - he can be so emotionally cut-off. He can act one way and say another. Anyway I came in and erased all of his voice mails on my cell and at work. I will not check match or anything else. IT IS OVER and I will move on now. I had told him someday I'd like to be friends - maybe that will happen or not. It hurts but at least I know the deal. I've never had anyone look me in the eye after warmly kissing me and telling me flat out that there was no way he'd marry me or see long-term potential - essentially. This was actually my first time even getting dumped - maybe it's good for me. It's sad and I'll miss him (I do already). I have another date with the nice guy from a week ago that took me to a wine tasting and dinner. I cried a lot when I got home and probably will for a while. Endings of relationsahip are so painful - it's basically like a death. I feel like I just got dumped all over again and sort of shocked again. Scout, I know you said not to bring it up but he kind of forced me to with what he was saying to me. I sent him the below e-mail later (it made me feel good and a sense of good closure).

"Hey David,

 

Thanks for inviting me today to the show. She was amazing and it was special being there with you. I'm glad that we met. I've really enjoyed spending time together. I appreciate and respect your honesty also . I will miss you (already do). You're a good guy, and I truly wish you the best. I hope that you find what you are looking for (and I mean that). Maybe some time down the road we can be friends; that would be nice. Take care D, be well.

 

Jamie

He wrote back:

 

it WAS really nice going to the concert together. felt good to be next

to

you. i really valued our relationship, and also wish you all the best.

hopefully we can talk soon. i'll miss you. wish you all the best.

 

d

It doesn't sound like he gets that we won/t be talking anytime soon. I so much wanted to reply and say "It's going to be a long time before I can talk to you again" but I didn't. BTW: I have no idea why "WAS" is in caps like that (this is a copy/paste of his e-mail). I just wanted to thank you guys so very much for being there for me and being genuinely concerned and helpful and supportive. Scout, you have been a real friend even though we've never met. I'm so glad that your situation is going well fior you. Thank you for all of your help with mine.

[moonbeam111]

Jamie,

I am sorry you have experienced the pain of the breakup again... I am relieved that you did not stay and wait for him to grow fond of you again...

If you have anything to work on (e.g. personal growth, communication, etc..) this time it won't be for the return of a boyfriend, but for yourself only.

 

You are a brave woman with a loving heart. Your expectations are very normal. Mourn your dreams about David and move on. There will be another love journey and warmth, and smiles, and honesty in your future.

 

Hugs (((Jamie)))

[Thunderforce]

I think/ believe this is a typical story of "not seeing what is right in front of you"

 

You did very good Jamie. You put your pride away and just tried to make it work. You are a brave woman and I'm sure that one day he will realise this and beat his head because you are gone, and found someone who does see what is in front of him!!!

I can promiss you that because your story happened to me twice!!! And now I'm still recovering from the third one... and hope he will beat his head one day 2 and I'm the one that doesn't look back anymore!

 

I'm so sorry Jamie, this happened to you. I can relate to your pain. You will get through it and you will be okay!

 

Hugs Thunder

[jamiek]

Thank you Moonbeam and Thunderforce, I appreciate your kind words. It's 5:45 am in the morning for me and I can't sleep (keep crying on and off). I do feel Thunderforce that it is an example of him "not seeing what is right in front of him" but that's his problem. To me, loving spending time with someone and feeling a connection to them and close (as he said he felt all of this for me) is love, or at least the makings of and most important aspectsof (and not something to take lightly/hard to find). But apparently he doesn't get that or see it that way. I told him that those things are what are inportant and said that apparently he had other priorities. I do think it is interesting that he compared how he feels towards me to how he felt for EXes, because the fact that they're exes should tell him something about that. Anyway - thank you so much again. I will get through it and move on. Hugs back

Jamie

[Scout]

Hi, Jamie...first off, there are two aspects of your post that have me sitting at my computer with an expression of complete surprise on my face: a) how you handled his comments, and b) HIS COMMENTS!!!

 

The reason why I feel surprise at how you handled things is because, for all my talk, I cannot say with absolute certainty I would have responded to his comments with the grace and class you did. Unless he's a total ogre, I doubt he meant them to be as tactless and hurtful as they sounded, but the fact is, they were. To me, it shows that he has so much farther to go in the realm of emotional maturity. I do not think this man even knows who he is. Perhaps he will never get there. It doesn't seem he feels at ease in the arena of emotional connecting at all, and from a very broad view of just people in general, it's sorrowful to see someone in their late thirties still having such difficulty with this. I suspect his struggles in general with relationships will far extend the few weeks or so of hurt you might experience after your final break up with him. Certainly he has his good points, but like so many people in this world who live only on the surface level of dating and relationships, he may never discover the realities and deeper aspects of emotional connecting. Let's hope he does, but going forward, concentrate our efforts on your continued growth and clarity of what you absolutely need in your relationships (which very often, is quite different from what we "want.")

 

Do you regret you contacted him? This is a question you'll want to really seriously consider. I don't want to answer for you, but from over here, I do know that several weeks ago you just wanted the guy to contact you. You missed him a great deal and you were in a lot of confusion. Personally, I feel these last few weeks probably gave you answers you didn't have definitively before, although you might have suspected them a bit.

 

I know you've had a sleepless night, but I have the feeling you are going to be able to move on from this much faster now than if you'd left things as they were several weeks ago. I could be wrong, but it's just something I sense.

 

If you ever need to talk in more detail and would prefer to do so privately, please don't hesitate to send me a private message.

 

P.S. I love the email you sent him after all this. It was an incredibly generous gesture on your part, and reads as if it comes from someone who sees the big picture, is moving on, and leaving a few final words of goodwill before she does so. A classy exit, indeed.

[jamiek]

Hi Scout,

 

Thank you. I appreciate it. It's funny, when I was at the show in tears I was thinking of what I'd be writing to you! I called in sick today. I need a day.

"I have the feeling you are going to be able to move on from this much faster now than if you'd left things as they were several weeks ago. I could be wrong, but it's just something I sense."

 

You're right. I do not regret contactng him and reuniting - it's better knowing than wondering like I was. Thanks for encouraging it - if not, it would have all dragged out longer for me. It will make it easier to move on. It's such a weird thought to know you're never going to see someone you spent a lot of time with and cared for again. You said you were surprised of how I handled things - to be honest, I'm not sure that I should have been so nice, he was disrespectful and hurtful. I don't think he even realizes how much he has hurt me (I don't think he seems to even take the time to think about it or care). It seems very selfish. His words floored me. I'll never understand the inconsistancies and how he could say such cold things. I feel like it was all a big joke on me - like I didn't mean much to him (when I truly thought and felt like I did mean a lot to him, I've never been so "off" - I'm usually very intuitive). Before we borke up the first time, if you knew us, you would have never thoguht in a million years he'd break-up with me or be saying what he has. I think he has issues and isn't emotionally mature (prety clueless actually). He spoke of marriage and finding the woman to marry over lunch again (amazing). He said he loved spending time w/ me and felt a connection w/ me and close - to me that is love or the makings of. But, he said he didn't feel for me the way he did (love) like he did for his ex-girlfriends - but they're EXES!! I guess the helping around my apartment was out of guilt (he never did those things before). I thought it was out of love and caring. The sad part is, I'm sure he'll rise and shine today, jump on link removed, and go on like nothing happened. I don't think he was ever nearly as deeply emotionally involved as I thought or that I was, at all. He seems so emotionall cut off if he wants to be. His e-mail annoyed me a bit b/c of his comment saying he hopes we talk soon - I was trying to make it clear in my e-mail that it was over and we wouldn't talk (for a long time anyway) - it's like he doesn't get it and like he just doesn't even get how hurtful what he has said and done is (I mean I kept my cmposure quite well w/ him but how would you not know?). And he writes how good it felt to be next to me???? I just don't get it - never will. But he is on a mission to find the love of his life - the woman he'll marry (he believes he is ready and she is out there). I won't contact him again and I'm sure he won't either. My head and eyes are sore.

[moonbeam111]

Oh Jamie,

But he will contact to you when he is lonely, his dates did not go well, and when he is horny. Because he saw you taking him back after being so honest about you not being the one, he probably decided that you took him back for sex and a human connection with no responsibilities. He thought that you accepted the rules of the game and firmly placed you in the FWB dimension. That's why he did not feel guilty. That's why he thought that it would be fun to compare notes on dates and discuss your prospective partners. Gross!

 

If he ever contacts you again, just tell him that you are looking for a man who will want to marry you. I would block his email, profile, and would never think about being friends with this man.

 

I am afraid that you are in pain and feel used. Please don't feel this way. You are much stronger and determined now that you were a few weeks ago.

[caliboy_2007]

Jamie,

Please do NOT contact him. I'm a man and I have been dumped for being too nice... I tell you, if I was where you are and he started contacting you again, I would break his neck right there. ok, maybe that's too extreme but you get my point.

 

The things he told you "BARE and SIMPLE and with no Hesitation" are stuff that I would NEVER, I repeat NEVER tell a girl that I don't even wanna marry. If I cared about a girl so much but knew she's not the one, I still would NEVER say things like he told you... it's not one occasion either so please do yourself a favor and NEVER contact him again. You'll have doubts, you'll miss him, yes, but remember and keep his hurtfull lines in mind.

 

You WILL recover from this alot faster now, I can almost feel it. I'm serious. you will.

 

Take care of yourself

[jamiek]

Htoudiee - thank you. It was very good to hear you say that (that you would NEVER say those things regardless). Believe it or not, this is someone I spent 5 months with (3 times a week) and he was so into me for quite a while. In the beginning he had to almost convince me to be w/ him/like him but I grew to. This guy believes he is ready for marriage and on a mission to find the perfect woman (he's 38 - I'm 35). He is passive-aggressive and I let him know I was angry at him (and got a bit snippy) the nght he broke up with me (just before he did it). I feel like after that, he cut off his emotions -it's really weird. Anyway, I'll never fully understand it. I have NO intentions of contacting him and I doubt he will either. I wrote the below e-mail to him today (I decided he should know how his actions/words effected me). I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on it. Of course, I got no response (no apology - but I guess it is to be expected).

 

David,

 

Thank you for the nice reply. I need to tell you that you really hurt me (I feel like you basically used me). Your words at lunch yesterday were so cold, tactless, and hurtful. I don't know what I ever did to deserve that from you. I for some reason thought we had something together David (not just sex) but I was clearly way off. There were seriosu mixed messages from you. I took the day off today b/c I didn't sleep last night thinking about it but I'll cry and move on. I'm surprised and disappointed in you. I deserve better than that. I can't talk to you again anytime soon as your e-mail said you hoped for, and I wanted to let you know that. I'm angry and hurt right now. My e-mail was for closure. I do wish you well.

 

Jamie

 

Thought? I'm sure he just tells himself that he told me the deal so he has no reason to feel badly. Thank you again.

[Thunderforce]

If it made you feel better to send that mail ... yeah then you did the right thing... But now it's better to not contact him ever again ... Also not for some kind of friendship because you said some harsh things in this mail also: feeling being used.

I really not believe that he's going to respond to this e-mail because probably he thinks: it's take two to tango and he doesn't understand your frustration.

 

I do still believe that he cleary does not see what's right in front of him but at this point he doesn't see you as the one and with you persuing further he only will be more determined you are not the one.

One point I think it's good of him to be so tactless instead of keep you 'hanging' with words like ... time will tell. Many guys do that and they break of with you in stages because they feel it makes the break-up less painfull for the other but sometimes I believe it's better to just act as a jack- * * * like ripping of the bandage very quickly. It hurts deeply and I understand your pain. But now you really never have to contact him again. Be proud of yourself because you reached out to him in a loving way on different occasions. He rejected your love so he never deserves your love for the rest of his life. And he is the one who has to live with that knowledge... And truly one day he will think of you ... "What if ..."

I truly believe that!

[jamiek]

Hi Thunderforce - thanks!! I think he will regret as well but I will not be there when he does. Don't worry, I have no intentions of contacting him again. And you're right, I'm sure he is justifying and denying guilt thinking he told me so anyway. Thanks very much again!