Lansing Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 So, I know a lot of guys have the attitude if they leave one message and the girl doesn't call back they will move on to the next girl.... In general, I am not one to chase a girl but I have recently met a girl that I really like and up to now she has been really respectfull, and generally does what she says she will do. I hadn't talked to her since last weekend but I called her the other day and left a message. I haven't heard back from her but I am curious what is going on! (maybe she read my last post about her hear and laughed at me ... Normally I wouldn't care so much and would just figure she was being flakey... but, there is something about this one that is interesting. So, I am curious from girls experiences here. Do you ever wait a few days to call back a guy you like... or secretly hope he will call you again (i.e. to test his interest level)..... I am thinking I will step back for a bit, but, I might give her one more chance... and I guess when I call I shouldn't even mention anything about my message?? or maybe tease her about it a bit?? Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 most definitely. I have not called back plenty of guys I liked to test their "interest level." i don't know - maybe it wasn't always the best idea, but I've also found that if you show too much interest in a man right away, it can drive them off also. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Girls like to be chased, that is if they like the guy - but not if they don't though (duh) I'd go with two messages, if no response then rethink it. Link to comment
_AC_ Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Girls like to be chased, that is if they like the guy - but not if they don't though (duh) I'd go with two messages, if no response then rethink it. Not to hijack the thread here, but I'm in a similar situation. I've had 3 dates with a girl and she usually calls back within an hour after I leave a voice message. Last Wednesday I called and left a message "just to say 'hi'" - and got no response, and so I left a message on Friday night and let her know that I'd like to hear from her again. She still has not replied. She is working 50+ hours a week, but I'm thinking if someone is interested they'll at least make a call on break. How am I supposed to know where I stand if she's not returning my calls? Should I assume after 2 messages that she knows I'm interested, and that if she doesn't call me back in a week or so she's definitely not interested? Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 well... maybe call for more than just to say "hi." call her and ask her out on a date. or leave a message or send her an e-mail and say, "hi - I'd like to get dinner with you this weekend... how does saturday at 7 sound?" if she doesn't respond to that, then I would assume she is uninterested.... Link to comment
quietgrl Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Lansing and _AC_, Some women are using the rules on some men while dating so be aware( "The rules" by Ellen Fein).One of the rules is a woman shouldn't reply to a man phone calls right away or half of the time.Women need to keep a man guessing and we should make a man chase us .My advice if you want a women to play games expect some unreturn phone calls. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 yes, that is true. The Rules do advocate that women not return any of a man's calls. or maybe, 1 out of 5 calls. "If he loves you, he'll keep trying to reach you." I think that's a little out of control. what do we call a man who calls 10 times and she never returns a call? A STALKER. I personally always return a man's calls.... but then again, I am single, so take what you will from that.... Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Oh man!!!! What's a poor guy supposed to do??? Women are complicated!! All these games, it's so frustrating sometimes (OK thanks, just had to get that off my chest) Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 well... The Rules have gone out of fashion, so I think you don't have to call 10 times anymore Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 I just googled "the rules" as mentioned by another poster and the website. I don't think I've ever seen anything so assenine in my life. And talk about calculating!!!! I feel sorry for any guy getting involved with anyone who follows these rules. These two women are here to sell books, nothing more nothing less. You don't sell books by telling people things they already know - you have to come up with something new. They have done it and it's all under the umbrella of this fake empowering BS. Whatever happened to just being yourself? F*** the rules - there aren't any. [insert smilie of rage face here] Link to comment
Juha Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 WOW!!! No wonder us guys are all messed up when it comes to women... We have no clue on what to do... Just calling and being nice does not cut it anymore, I guess,,, To many games from to many people... It's amazing anyone gets together anymore... Was with a girl who though she was all that... SHe would go I am nice I gave him a chance didn't I... Told me you had your chance and you blew it..lol Told her I have been with better looking and better personalities than her and she should get over herself... Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Told her I have been with better looking and better personalities than her and she should get over herself... LOL!!!! well, I think 2 calls, maybe 3 at the most. anything over that, and she is just being rude if she is not returning the calls/e-mails. these are essentially the same rules that you would apply to a friend. Link to comment
_AC_ Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Uhh... "The Rules"? Oh boy. I'm in serious trouble. I'm not a game player, and the thought of me calling this girl 10 times without her calling me back turns my stomach. I'd really rather not harass a girl who'd rather not hear from me. I get the whole "test his interest" thing... but c'mon, girls can't tell if a guy is interested by how he's acting? I thought females were masters at reading facial expressions, body language, etc... enough to tell how genuine a guy is. I don't want to play games, I just want to get to know her and hang out. My number one goal isn't to get her in the sack in x number of dates.... I just want to be her friend. ](*,) I've got some bagage (single, lonely dad) but I would at least hope that a girl would respect me (or have sympathy) enough to at least say "hey sorry I can't get together for a while because I'm super busy" or just to tell it like it is: "I don't think this is working out" after a few dates. OR, if she is interested, why would she risk driving a guy she likes away by playing games with him that he doesn't understand? Sorry ladies, I'm frustrated, confused, and I do not understand women. At all. This non-communication thing is bogus. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 what's ironic is that the authors of "The Rules" are divorced now. LOL. that doesn't do much for book sales! it was around the time of their divorces that the rules went out of style. I guess I would apply the same standards to these women you are dating that you would do for a friend or coworker. you'll call and leave a message, maybe 1, 2, or 3 times.... but more than that? nah.... my only exception.... I don't return calls if someone doesn't leave a message.... Link to comment
_AC_ Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 call and leave a message, maybe 1, 2, or 3 times.... but more than that? nah.... my only exception.... I don't return calls if someone doesn't leave a message.... OK, this makes sense. I will leave one last message (make no mistake I actually have been leaving real messages!). After that, everything is up to her. I can't go on with her if she's not going to return phone calls. It's just not right, and it really bothers me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 yeah, I think it's just plain rude to not return any calls. The Rules were published in 1995, before everyone had a cell phone and answering maching and caller ID. (My mom didn't get an answering machine until 2001!!!) but now in the age of cell phones and crackberries, there is no excuse for not calling someone back. Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Try this next time you call her... "hey its ****** and ... I think you have a confession to make." When she calls, say this: "What were you doing last night?" her: bla bla bla Oh really? Because last night I was taking a shower, and looked out my window. And I swear I saw you looking at me from accross the street... If its good enough for David DeAngelo... =) Link to comment
DN Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 If I were still in the dating game and left a message that was not returned I woould assume she had no interest and so I would move on or that she was playing games and I would just move on or that she was simply rude and I would just move on. No message returned = no further interest on my part. Link to comment
_AC_ Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Try this next time you call her... "hey its ****** and ... I think you have a confession to make." When she calls, say this: "What were you doing last night?" her: bla bla bla Oh really? Because last night I was taking a shower, and looked out my window. And I swear I saw you looking at me from accross the street... If its good enough for David DeAngelo... =) LOL That'd be great... but the fatal flaw in your suggestion is the part where she actually calls back! If she doesn't call I don't have a chance. I just realized that in my second (unanswered) message, I said that if she was interested in getting together to give me a call. This is plain as day to me now. Somehow I just lost the desire to call a third time and make a fool of myself again. Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 That'd be great... but the fatal flaw in your suggestion is the part where she actually calls back! If she doesn't call I don't have a chance. If she doesnt call she will be forever thinking of what her confession is ... which means you are on her mind, thus creating attracting. Next time you see her, you have raised attraction since before (without even doing anything) and if you dont screw up, youre a good chance at another date or better Win-win Link to comment
Dako Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 If a woman or a man calls me, I return their call. I'm just a rebel. I should write a book. Link to comment
HurleyBabe6917 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 I always call back. Especially if I say I'm going to. I hate it when people tell me they'll call, and then don't. Very rude. Link to comment
Lansing Posted October 15, 2006 Author Share Posted October 15, 2006 OK.. I think I will give it a few more days before I try calling back in guess she was away for the weekend or something.... The problem is, stuff like this kind of shatters my confidence. Things usually go well at the start but then when I start doubting their attraction it will mess me up! So, I know I need to be confident when I call and probably act like nothing was wrong. I guess I should not even make mention of the other phone call and just go right into conversation about other stuff with her... Part of me is hesitant because I don't want to come accross as not taking the "hint"... but, I think girls that are not interested should be a bit more vocal about it instead of pulling the "ignore the guy and hope he goes away" game.. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 did you leave messages each time you called her? it is possible that she may not have known you called. I had a misunderstanding like that once with a boyfriend. Link to comment
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