Advice Needed Should I Ring Him

[Chele]

I was a total idiot and due to pressure and being brainwashed gave up the love of my life, (ex-fiancee). Have never wanted to be with anyone else and have since woken up to the brainwashing from a cult I was sucked into. Now I text him once and heard nothing. I dream of him every night. I want to just ring him and speak to him. I spoke to his mum who is still my friend who says he never got over me either. Years have passed what should I do. Ring him since I left him and maybe he needs the encouragement or try and live without him.

[DN]

If he is not in a relationship with anyone else then certainly call him. Know what you ant from him and what you are going to say - but be prepared for anything, including being disappointed.

[charliepapa]

yes ................................

[Chele]

Me OH My, I am prepared for anything but I want to at least try.

All I want to say is I made a mistake and want to see him as soon as possible.

I just text a long message explaining my apologies about being brainwashed and now awake. I asked him to contact me as soon as possible. But he did not respond. (at least not at this stage) I tried and maybe look a fool but I would rather that than be stagnant and not try.

 

Thanks for responding to my post I agree it is better to act than stay a prisoner to fear.

[Juliana]

Yeah....about the brainwashing...personally I sympathize entirely. But he doesn't want to get sucked into a maelstrom of weirdness with the first phone call. So rather than discussing the way you broke up, take a leap into the present, and talk about what you are doing now, that kind of thing. Let the past go, and see what can happen in the present. But most people haven't had the experience of going into a cult, or leaving one, and although I know that is very much your struggle and will be for awhile, it's something to leave for later, more intimate conversations, when he feels he knows you again and your relationship is on a better footing. Call him up and ask him how he's doing; have a normal, sane conversation, do not refer to the cult at all, and find out if he'd like to have a coffee. If he says no, tell him he should give you a call anytime if he feels like going out. Then don't call him again.

[Chele]

Thankyou Juliana,

you have helped put the matter into perspective where the emotions have had a tendency to interfere with logical and cool collectable action.

 

Yes I will call him when I am sober and can sound more sane and ask him for a coffee. I just get so hung up on my stupid mistakes and want ot see him NOW and give him a hug and say sorry but things have to be done differnetly.

Patience and logic can be a pain in the backside

[Juliana]

How long have you been out?

[Chele]

8 Years. I know he is not seeing anyone. I have just been going throught the motions of life like a robot, complely detatched from who I am.

 

I want my lfe back but all I did this evening was send a lame text message that got no response.

 

Perhaps I should look at things fresh in the morning and ring him when I am thinking more clearly.

[Juliana]

Yeah; let it go awhile, maybe. I know this is really hard, but it's possible too much time has passed.

 

You really need to not talk about that time in your life to anyone in a first new contact situation. Make people see you sane, not crazy.

 

If you've been out for 8 years, why didn't you contact him before this?

[Chele]

Because I was brainwashed before this and had to get away from the people to have my eyes opened to the truth and how I really feel. I had to get away from their control and lies to think straight.

 

Recently his mum told me that he wants to see mee and have a coffee but he just hasn't made the contact. When you are meant to be with someone time is irrelevant it is about getting down to the facts and making contact.

[Dr]

Years have passed what should I do.

 

This is best left alone.

 

You also state that his mother said he never got over you. This may be the case however in all honesty he will probably not answer you for fear of being hurt again.

 

You should not of dis-trusted him the first time around. You valued other peoples opinions more than your relationship with him.

 

Let it go. He may be with someone else now. He is not a yoyo that you can pick up and put down when you want.

 

Regards

 

Doc

[Chele]

Thanks Doc. I never thought of him as a yoyo. There are a lot of should ofs and I am trying to fix things than live with regret. Especially since I know he isn't with anyone else and wants to see me.

 

Please don't make these assumptions about me as this is a very complex situation that cannot be put into a box.