perplexxed Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 It's my first relationship...or at least the first serious one...been almost 3 years !!! can't even believe it myself... everything's beautiful...I'm afraid of saying that I love her, because don't want to pretend I know exactly what love is ! but can at least say with certainty that our relationship is a lot more meaningful, alive and caring than most others' that I see around me ! I really like her a lot and care about her without limits!!! She has a lot of qualities that I really adore, for instance, she's unbelievably ambitious ! (much more than myself), which serves as a good influence on me...she's extremely smart and is a hard worker ! never gives up...loves to keep up with me in sports and shows a lot of enthusiasm ! we go to school together…both of us in sciences ! We have a lot in common…got a lot of fun together…!!! we work out together...study together, etc. She's a great thinker as well...reads a lot and cares to make positive humanitarian changes through her courier (which I call too ambitious) ! anyways I don't wanna go on forever, but in so many ways (when looking at her qualities) she's my dream girl, but I don't know why these things are not quite blinding me...and it's been like that ever since we started going out...I was never infatuated by her (she was…she admitted), even though she's very attractive as well...many strangers have dared to gimme complements on her in clubs, beaches, etc! She's super fit and has got that European beauty ! I don't know what is wrong with me! She's extremely kind and caring as well ! to the point that I sometimes have to tell her to consider some limits in being nice, because I might not be able to respond nicely! So yeah, despite all that I would like to see other people as well…I try to convince myself that I only have the urge, because it is my first serious relationship and don't want it to be my only one ! but not sure about that ! I don't know if that is really the case, or I tend to think that way because I don't love her enough or something!!! Have had these doubts for a while now…on one hand, I don't wanna kill something beautiful so easily (knowing that I might never ever have this with another woman), but on the other hand, don't wanna go through life having these doubts! and what if they grow over time and I have to break off the relationship in a few years ! now we're both yonge and it is easier to recover after a break up and maybe after a while start another one (if happened to see somebody we like), but in a few years, when we are in our thirties, it would be harder (perhaps especially for her) I don't wanna be selfish here and drag on something that I know will eventually die off Sometimes I feel if I could only prove to myself that this is the best possible thing that could ever happen to me, I would be content with what I have and the urges would disappear! so I tried to introduce the idea of taking a break and see other people for a while, but she totally hated the idea and even got hurt to hear that I would even have the urge to do something like that ! She believes that I'm the man of her life and believes very strongly in our relationship! That is another thing that stops me from doing anything that would harm our relationship, because I really can not afford to hurt her in anyway ! I don't know what to do! Don't wanna be sneaky and unethical here and see other people while with her…cos she would never ever do that to me…but I get the chance a lot here and there…I teach a lot of fitness and dance classes that women take, so it is extremely easy for me to meet people…(donno if that's a blessing or a curse !!!) Anyways, I would appreciate some piece of advise ! I hope my post is not too confusing ! just wrote whatever came to mind and didn't try to polish it in anyway…sorry perplexxed ! Link to comment
Slagar Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Welcome to eNotalone Perplexxed How long have you been together? You really have to evaluate what you want. You don't seem very sure about this relationship. If you're not sure that you love her, then that's a pretty bad sign. Even if you feel that this is a really great girl, from what you're saying, your feelings just aren't quite there for this person. It's not fair on her to drag this on if you feel this way. It's going to hurt her, but you can't change the way you feel. Your feelings could change over time though, depending. That's why I've asked how long you've been together But certainly, if you feel like you'd be interested in meeting other people, then perhaps it's best for you to end it. It's quite possible that, like you've mentioned, it IS only your first serious relationship, and you feel the need to see what else is out there. It will hurt her, but it will hurt her even more if you drag it out. Good luck Link to comment
friscodj Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Hey P- A couple of thoughts for you here: 1) Regarding being afraid of expressing your love to her because you don't know what it is. If you asked 100 people you'd get 100 unique answers as to exactly what "love" is. I say let your fears go, roll the dice, and start defining "love" and exploring the answer for yourself! 2) You imagine what life would be like without this woman. Really, really look closely at what you have now. It has been my experience it is easy to take wonderful things for granted when you are in a "beautiful" situation. Look around, appreciate what you have, then imagine your life without that whenever you get these other urges...because you will have urges of some sort at various times in any relationship you have... Link to comment
FCTex Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I think friscodj stole my fire. I was going to echo the same sentiments... Imagine yourself without what you've built in 3 years with this woman. Do you miss anything substantial? Do you feel like if I gave it all up for some urges that you'd be this happy with someone else? If you happy, and feel like you "love" her. Whats there's to figure out?? As far as defining love. Love is what it is to you, or to you both. Love doesn't have a defining word, or action with it. Follow your heart and if your truly happy, whats there to look for? Link to comment
kelkel Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I try never to say 'i know how you feel' cause truly i dont, only a vague idea of what feelings might be involved... First of all,believe it or not alot of people are afraid of the "L" word ! and it has so many definitions, but it all boils down to the feel a person has and only they can truly define it for themselves.... Second, yes you are young, so am i, and yes we want to explore, but dont look at it as just because you are young you NEED to explore and see what it is out there, you can already look and see other people arent as HAPPY , and CONTENT as you are. Dont give away a Benz for a Buggy, dont swap a 50 for a 20, and also dont NOT do it only because you dont want to hurt HER, because one day you might resent her for it, i suggest you seriously examine YOUR feelings and if you arent happy stopping at door number one, be prepared for any disappointments that may be waiting for you behind the other doors If you stay you may Not regret it, if you leave you probably will, the choice is yours...... Link to comment
perplexxed Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 slagar We have been together for 3 years now. The first year it wasn't too serious...more like a fling! but in the last two years, it took a different turn...we started introducing each other as BF, GF to others ! and over time (can't exactly remember when --- maybe a year and a half ago, started saying "I love you" to each other. But certainly, if you feel like you'd be interested in meeting other people, then perhaps it's best for you to end it. It's quite possible that, like you've mentioned, it IS only your first serious relationship, and you feel the need to see what else is out there. It will hurt her, but it will hurt her even more if you drag it out. So on one hand, this is what I constantly think...how cos it's my 1st relationship, that's why yara yara yara, but not sure if IT'S ME ! I mean I'm not sure, if I would have these urges in any situation regardless! in which case, if I go ahead and simply respond to these urges and end up in the same boat a few years from now with another person, whom I wouldn't even feel as much for, (or end up by myself) wouldn't I call myself a total loser for blowing up everything in the first place !? so that is my dilemma for calling it quits ! friscodi and FCTex 1) Regarding being afraid of expressing your love to her because you don't know what it is. Sorry I didn't clarify in my first post...We do express our love to each other ! in fact we have been since almost a year and a half ago (like I said above in this post), but since it has been my only experience, was not sure if this is it ! if this is what people are looking for or there might be something even better out there !!! 2) You imagine what life would be like without this woman. Really, really look closely at what you have now. Actually, I did imagine it very clearly a little while ago... I told her about my dilemma and told her that I have made up my mind and want us to take a break...she couldn't believe it at first, but when she did, she burst into tears and stormed out of my place and completely blocked me off ! msn, phone, email...everything !!! I think in the first few days I was intoxicated over having finally broken off the commitment thing !!! but after a few days, I guess I realized what had happened !!! I felt miserable! I missed her like crazy, but more than anything else I missed her friendship, cos we were really very close (don't wanna say best friends, cos I think it sounds cheesy! but I guess that's what it was) Without getting into the unnecessary details, I'll just say that she took me back the 2nd time I went to her after like 10 days !!! so to answer your practice, yes I did feel more than miserable, but don't you feel like that after every break up ! Well, not every break up exactly, but after one that you felt strongly for... so I know I feel strongly for her and for what we have, but not sure if I feel strongly enough ! another words, not sure if one would have those urges in any relationship, thereforeeee it is just best to avoid them! Link to comment
perplexxed Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 I guess I talked too much that it pushed everybody away...I just meant to clarify, since my first post was pretty vague I thought... looking forward to hearing more from you guys !!! Cheers, perplxxed Link to comment
bms85 Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Hey sorry but I haven’t read all the other posts I’m trying to keep up in my own thread too, this one just caught my attention. May I suggest talking to her about taking some time apart to prove to each other what you have is one of a kind? Being your first love you might not know you’re in love until you loose her. Link to comment
JuJuBeO0O Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 maybe you're not ready to be in a serious relationship... seems to me you just wanna screw around... do it.. but save a heart... dont break it. Link to comment
FCTex Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 You can't have both man. You'll need to decide what's worth it more in your life. Sometimes these are the choices we make that shape our lives. Link to comment
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