I think he's in denial

[Allie.]

Hey peeps..

 

this guy and I weren't dating at all...because we were both busy but we did acknowledge the fact that we liked eachother quite a lot. But, somehow, no matter how nice he is/was...I could never communicate with him right...

 

so i just "lost" feelings for him. Dont attack me people...It's possible...trust me! The night before, he had told me he "loved" me lots...and that was also a serious sign that this guy is really silly if he says "I love you" even when we're not dating and have only liked eachother for a few weeks....

 

so...i broke up with him yesterday and even though he had told me he loved me soo much the nite before...he didn't talk to me for a day after the so-called "break-up" and then i got a messagewas all like: "Ohh...i don't care....i mean, i was going to break this off anyway...there is no "us" and i was starting to lose feelings for you too but I didn't want to tell you because i didn't want to hurt you...etc..."

 

when breaking up with him,to be nice, I told him that we needed some time "away" from eachother so we could go on our separate ways....and so he was all like, "why do we need time?...i never saw us beyond friends...why can't we talk just as friends?! GOSH! YOU MAKE THINGS SO COMPLICATED!" etc...and Its ridiculous...i think--actually scratch that---I know he still likes me because he was so "into" getting it on with me and etc...and he started telling me that he loved me..

 

I think he's in denial....should I reply or not reply?

[annie24]

hey - I guess next time he tries to talk to you about it, just tell him that you meant it, that you don't think you are a romantic match for each other. just be firm. hopefully he will get it next time.

 

ps - is this the same guy you broke up with 2 weeks ago?

[DN]

If you weren't dating him how can you break up with him?

[Batya33]

It's fine if you don't want to define what you have between you, but then you cannot expect to define it as a "breakup" afterward and have the expectations that go along with ending an established romantic relationship.

[Allie.]

oh i completely understand that...but you guys, he was treating it as if we were in a relationship...calls everyday, emails every night, texts every morning...and lots of "love you's" and....i mean...of course, it may not be established romantically....but, i know he was serious or somewhat into me...because he went around telling everyone that "i was the most amazing girl he's met" and that he thinks "he's finally found the one" etc...and all of a sudden when i break it off...he doesn't talk to me a whole day and then pretends like its okay...so it makes me think he's in denial...so what should I do? reply or not? start talking to him even though he thinks he's ready to be friends, and i think he's not....what do you say?

 

and annie, actually no. strangely, now that i read over this post...it sounds like him [=

[Batya33]

Did you ever have a conversation where you said to each other words at least very close to "what are your intentions here? are we in a relationship, or not?" with a straight answer. It's a lot of fun to whisper sweet nothings and play at a relationship and brag to everyone how good you've got it but people who are truly serious take the time to have that very short, very clear, conversation about where they stand. Evading or avoiding that conversation is fine but then you risk exactly the situation here.

[valenski]

I think that genuinely, he might be hurt deep down and then that hurt became anger and resentment, in a desperate, macho attempt to save face, he says he felt nothing at all but from what you say doesnt sound true at all. I think your right, he is in denial even though there was no definition of the kind of relationship you had.

[Allie.]

well, we have sat down once or twice where he's begged me to start dating but i keep putting it off because i'm too busy....and saying stuff like: "oh i really wanna be in a relationship with you!" please! etc....and so yess...i guess.

[Batya33]

well, we have sat down once or twice where he's begged me to start dating but i keep putting it off because i'm too busy....and saying stuff like: "oh i really wanna be in a relationship with you!" please! etc....and so yess...i guess.

 

If someone said he was too busy to be in a relationship with me I would take that as a sure sign of no or mediocre interest.