Article - Why girls like jerks

[Salucious]

I thought this article was interesting, I figured I would post the link here and see what people think:

 

link removed

[TheRedQueen]

Well I guess it's all about the chase for both sexes then, absolutely revolting!!!!

 

No wonder why we're all alone.

[shygirl79]

Too funny I was debating this with someone day before yesterday. Too bad I didnt see it before. I have been thinking about this issue and here are my thoughts. Women date the bad boys for the same reason men date "easy" women. They want something exciting forbidden and taboo. It just sucks for the rest of us out there who has our stuff together, because then we get whats left when they are finished with those relationships and eventually have to help them pick up the pieces.

[TheRedQueen]

^reminds me of the NIN's song "The Perfect Drug"

[baby_yn]

wow, that's a very acurate article(from my point of view that is). I actually find myself attracted more to jerks that are confusing than guys who are so, clean and sweet. I guess its just that its fun trying to be with these guys. definatly more exciting

[New_Horizons]

Well it's time for women to change their ways because by the time they go into their 30's and realize their folly, the nice guys have become too hardened to care.

[gersanos]

Well it's time for women to change their ways because by the time they go into their 30's and realize their folly, the nice guys have become too hardened to care.

 

That's not a nice comment. I'm a guy and I think that there are plenty of great girls in their 20's you can date and settle down with, well before 30. What kind of girl are you chasing? If you want the hottie that is decked out at a club, well duh, 9 times out of 10 you picked the wrong girl. Many of the "nice guys" are swooped up in their 20s, and married or getting married once you hit 30ish. Sure, there are some bad people out their, but I think the guys and gals that blame the other gender on their love life, or lack of, have some issues and that's a huge red flag to me. Stop going after the wrong people to date.

 

There are still great catches for men and women after 30, however, the pool has shrunk because many of these people are already hitched. Stop blaming the problem on women. Sure, there are plenty of women (and men) that are out playing in their twenties and thirties and even older than that, however, why are you focusing on them and overlooking many great people along the way?

 

I ask because I have done this before - the cycle of chasing, things not working out, and then blaming the other gender. In the meantime I brushed off many girls who were interested, or who were friends and wanted more, mainly because my mind told me I needed something better, which translates into something hotter and the thrill of the chase. Chase is over, and then what? Their isn't any substance there. No wonder it doesn't work.

[New_Horizons]

No I'm only interested in nice girls too. I don't chase the hotties or sluts. But even the nice girls don't want me. I'm not the nicest guy in the world but I do think I have lots of good personality traits and should be given a chance.

[TheRedQueen]

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

 

So all the single post thirty-somethings are some kind of unworthy-of-relationships defects????

[New_Horizons]

Not necessarily. Depends on why they're single. If they're the type who went wild in their teens and 20's and dated jerks for thrills, they're not the type for a nice guy. Too much baggage and besides, people don't change. So it doesn't matter how much they claim they've wisened up.

[TheRedQueen]

^ I couldn't disagree with you more.

[New_Horizons]

Would you mind elaborating? See, why should nice guys wait around for the chicks to become mature after their 15 minutes of fame (or 15 years of screwing around to be more appropriate). We want mature women who have been reasonably mature throughout their 20's. If you're single because you're too good for most men or you have high standards, or your past relationships went wrong for some unexpected reason, that's ok. If you're single because you used to like chasing jerks, sorry you missed the bus.

 

('You' in the general sense)

[RelaxByWater84]

I read that article and thought it was true for some people and not true for others. I personally hate jerks.

[gersanos]

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

 

So all the single post thirty-somethings are some kind of unworthy-of-relationships defects????

 

I did not say that. I said that the pool has shrunk for both sexes after 30 because many which are deemed "catches" are already taken.

 

Not necessarily. Depends on why they're single. If they're the type who went wild in their teens and 20's and dated jerks for thrills, they're not the type for a nice guy. Too much baggage and besides, people don't change. So it doesn't matter how much they claim they've wisened up.

 

I agree. I'm 25 and dated many women. I don't know who the first girl I kissed was, or the first girl I made out with (I do remember who I slept with the first time). Point is, if you're going out and partying on a regular basis at 25, then I don't think you're a catch. Sure, high school and college and that first year after college were fun, but I've partied for 10 years. It was fun, but it's time to grow up. If you spent your 20s getting drunk and getting laid all the time as you are trying to figure out who you are doesn't sound like a catch to me. You sound pretty fickle - or a sorority girl/frat boy that is still trying to carry to torch. I hope you have a pretty good idea of who you are and what you want at this point. If you haven't found that person yet, that's fine - be patient. Might be soon, might not be until 35 or even 55.

 

I'm not the nicest guy in the world but I do think I have lots of good personality traits and should be given a chance.

 

You will. Stop thinking that way. Don't go out seeking a girl, or wanting one, or whatever. Focus on you, your goals, your dreams, and what you want out of life. In time, you will meet someone special. Feeling lonely? Then go and volunteer somewhere or give your mom a hug - don't me macho about this.

 

If you're single because you're too good for most men or you have high standards, or your past relationships went wrong for some unexpected reason, that's ok. If you're single because you used to like chasing jerks, sorry you missed the bus.

 

Well said. If your a guy/gal with any experience, then you can tell who is after the chase by this point. I've turned down dates in the past with some of these women and noticed that they became more interested after doing so. I found that pretty lame and more of a turn off, even though some of my guy friends think I'm gay for not wanting to get laid. I remember that one girl was so frustrated that she told me that I would not know what to do with her - like I were to feel insulted. She turned me off more and more. I think it's pretty pathetic that she likes me more because she can't have me. Grow up, I'd probably like you then. Maybe I'm just wired differently? Who knows.

[Salucious]

While the article makes sense to me, the way women react to "jerks" does not.

wow, that's a very acurate article(from my point of view that is). I actually find myself attracted more to jerks that are confusing than guys who are so, clean and sweet. I guess its just that its fun trying to be with these guys. definatly more exciting

 

I would really like an explanation for this I don't want to sound rude, but I'd like to know why you feel this way, because frankly it makes no sense. You know when you are with the wrong guy for the wrong reasons and that is exctiting?

 

So how does one tell which girls actually want nice guys and know to stay away from jerks? People say that girls that stay away from the jerks and actually look for genuinely nice guys exist; I don't think they do. I know this because I'm nice all the time.

 

-I just remembered that this weekend when I was hangin with my roomate and his girlfriend she said I was a nice guy. For a second I was kind of flattered, but the feeling subsided quickly to feeling more like a slap in the face, and a big "let's be friends girls!" tattoo on my forehead.

[TheRedQueen]

Not to say that most or all men are jerks but I don't think you guys are taking into consideration just how hard it is to weed these guys out.

 

I'll pursue what I think to be a nice, honest guy, only to find out that he is a more "sophisticated-type jerk".

 

Where oh where are those men out there who actually know a thing or two about integrity?

[gersanos]

wow, that's a very acurate article(from my point of view that is). I actually find myself attracted more to jerks that are confusing than guys who are so, clean and sweet. I guess its just that its fun trying to be with these guys. definatly more exciting

exactly the type of girl I would avoid, and she'd probably be turned on by me because I would ignore her. Pretty sad.

[New_Horizons]

I'll pursue what I think to be a nice, honest guy, only to find out that he is a more "sophisticated-type jerk"

 

 

OK, well that's different then. I was referring to the girls who go after obvious jerks - the ones who exude animal magnetism. That is, you *know* it's never going to work out but for some reason you're drawn to him. Those are the girls I was referring to.

[gersanos]

Not to say that most or all men are jerks but I don't think you guys are taking into consideration just how hard it is to weed these guys out.

 

 

Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes even the best get fooled. It happens. I'm not saying that it doesn't, or you are wrong for doing so. As long as you learn from it and don't become bitter or lose faith then you'll be fine.

 

I'll pursue what I think to be a nice, honest guy, only to find out that he is a more "sophisticated-type jerk"

 

Maybe don't pursue as much. Take it slower. If things don't work from the beginning at a slower pace, then you'll save yourself some heartache. Almost like from a movie, I met a deacons daughter who always quoted the bible (not my thing, but seemed like a good girl). Turns out she was the biggest * * * * * among her circle of friends.

 

Where oh where are those men out there who actually know a thing or two about integrity?

 

So many people say this. I don't have an indiscrete answer, however, I'd say you should channel your energies elsewhere, and you will meet someone special. And when you do, take it slow. Where are you meeting these guys at? Where you meet them won't always be the answer, but it may be start. Maybe try being friends for a few months - don't get physical or romantically involved off the bat.

[Aurian]

I am not one of them, but I guess some girls like the challenge of reforming a "bad boy." Maybe its exciting. Maybe its those damn Hollywood movies that make it seem sexy and exciting. I have no idea why really.

 

I'd say, however, that all girls no more want jerks than all boys just want an easy lay.

 

There are many out there of both sexes who want a real relationship. The hard part is sorting through the jerk-addicts and jerks to find them.

[New_Horizons]

Sometimes I wonder if I should become a jerk too. But I don't want to become a 'real' jerk. I just want to be confident and sexy, the kind of guy who is not a jerk but appears like one.

[galaxy71]

You know, I go on other websites. It seems like the jerks and players are getting lots of sex all the time. These guys brag about seducing waitresses, models, strippers, and party girls. They also brag about how they can seduce straight women into have threesomes with another female(A lot of guys are obsessed with lesbian sex). Even though these guys are destructive, women want to spend time with them.

 

What these guys recognize is that women are generally passive. They want a confident, aggressive guy to take the lead. The guy is expected to approach the girl. Once he approaches the girl, he is expected to prove himself in the first minute of conversation, before the girl decides whether to talk to him or blow him off.

 

Once the conversation keeps going, a lot of these jerks either charm the girl or they will tease the living daylights out of her. A lot of women respond to that stuff because it's different from all the supplicating nice guys who try to kiss their butt.

 

Here comes the critical part between the jerk and the nice guy. When the girl starts liking the guy, the jerk/bad boy will escalate things sexually by going for the kiss or going for the sex. On the other hand, a lot of nice guys are too scared to get out of friend zone.

 

From all this, I believe that many women go for jerks because these jerks take the lead and make the women feel feminine. Women are too afraid to initiate things because they don't want to be seen as a . They are passive. Since the jerks/bad boy/player are aggressive and confident around girls, women are going to attracted to them because they feel comfortable when the guys take the lead. These girls don't consciously want bad boys, but they are the ones who have the gonads to approach her and make her feel attractive and feminine.

 

I think guys should learn to assimilate the positive traits of the jerk while discarding the abusive aspects of the jerks. Confidence, playfulness, and sexual aggressiveness seem to be attractive qualities that guys should have. Those qualities seem to work well on girls.

[TheRedQueen]

Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes even the best get fooled. It happens. I'm not saying that it doesn't, or you are wrong for doing so. As long as you learn from it and don't become bitter or lose faith then you'll be fine.

 

Have I lost faith in finding "true love"? Yes.

 

Have I become bitter? Not quite. Jaded? Perhaps.

 

Finding a suitable mate shouldn't feel like this ](*,) but unfortunately it does.

[a2000]

I agree with this post 100%! This is exactly how it happened with me.. I am seeing a jerk and I am also shy.

I know I shouldn't see him because he is a jerk and abit of a player.. but I am still attracted to him. Maybe its just a phase.

[Salucious]

I agree with this post 100%! This is exactly how it happened with me.. I am seeing a jerk and I am also shy.

I know I shouldn't see him because he is a jerk and abit of a player.. but I am still attracted to him. Maybe its just a phase.

 

Out of curiosity, why do you think he is a jerk? I only ask because the person you quoted has a different idea of what a jerk is than I do. I mean, just because the guy has confidence to ask the girl out doesn't mean he is not a nice guy and is a jerk. A jerk is just the guy who doesn't really care about the girl and is selfish in relationships. I know a bunch of nice guys who are confident with women. So why are you still with this guy if you know you are attracted to him for the wrong reasons and you know he is a jerk? That doesn't make sense.