Is this normal?

[heatheRmal]

At the naive, young age of 12, I, Heather, was raped.

 

I was visiting a friend of mine [Mark] that was down from P.E.I., we used to be attatched at the hip when we were younger.. He started telling me about how he always had the biggest crush one me, that I was the most beautiful girl in the world, and he still thinks about me. Naturally, I was flattered.

 

That night, me, Mark, and a few of our friends went outside. We were hanging out in the woods, some people were drinking, but me and Mark didn't really feel like it since he was only going to be in town for that nght, and we'd rahter spend the night together sober.

 

A bit later on in the night, around 8PM, he started trying to kiss me, I told him I didn't like him in that way. He told me it's alright, and he won't try it again.

 

Around 9PM, we wandered off because our friends were acting like drunken idiots, and we hung out on a rock not that far from our firends. He started trying to kiss me and everything again, and this time he was more aggressive. I told him "I already told you, I don't like you in the way." He was furious. He gave me n evil look, and pushed me back on the rock. I siad "Ow, mark, that hurt, what are you doing?" He slapped me, and after about 20 minutes of struggling, trying to get away, screaming but not being heard because my friends were loud and intoxicated, I was raped.

 

I spoke to him on the internet about a month after this happened, and he told me he apologized and he would understand if I never spoke to him again.

I did speak to him.

At the age of 16, I still speak to him.

 

Truthfully.. I'm not really bothered that I was raped.

I wasn't traumatized, I never went to councelling, I never told anyone, I never cried over it, I never hated Mark for it.

 

My question is.. is that normal?

Are my feelings, or lack there of in this case, normal?

Has anyone ever felt the same way as me?

I know it was wrong of him to do, and he should have been punished for it, but I really, truthfully, didn't care that he did it.

 

 

PS: The people that I know in person are gonna go balistic when they see this O_o

Edit put the wrong age, it said 14 but it's 12

[dreynolds]

It's not the fact that YOU don't feel bothered by him having raped you - it's the fact that this individual is a rapist, and the next poor girl will be the one who will be bothered by it - possibly ruin any hopes of a healthy relationship with a man for a very long time. Friend or NO friend - you should have reported him!

 

Why you seem okay with this - I haven't a clue - it does seem a little strange if this individual was such a great friend and you had absolutely no attraction/interest in him - you said no and he didn't care..... Does that seem right to you?

[Fallout]

It does seem really weird that you were raped but don't feel too bad about it..maybe you chanelled your hate somewhere else ? *hint* I'm not a specialist so I wouldn't know...

 

The above poster is absolutely right tho, the next girl will not "get over it" easily, maybe you didn't either but you just don't know it.

[hosswhispra]

Hugs to you, Heather.

 

I think that when something happens to us that is so painful and traumatic (such as you being raped by a long-time trusted friend) we can bury that deep down within ourselves. It's as though repressing something so terrible will almost make it seem like it really did not happen, when the ugly truth is that it did. I do think you're normal. In my opinion, I think you've repressed the painful event of being raped as a coping/defense mechanism.

 

Additionally, I think that it would be beneficial for you Heather, to talk with someone about the rape. Ideally, someone who is professionally trained to counsel people who have been through such a traumatic and painful event.

 

hugs,

hosswhispra

[BellaDonna]

Hi there. Human beings have an incredible capacity for survival. We are quite tough. Sometimes when really bad things happen, we can convince ourselves that everything is "ok" so we can get by.

 

You are still talking to Mark because it helps you believe that the rape did not bother you, and it makes you feel in control somehow.

 

Mark is not a real friend. In fact, he's a violent criminal.

 

He will probably do this to someone else, and they may not be as strong as you are. It could be a child or someone else too weak to fight back.

 

I think you should tell someone before he gets the chance to hurt another person.

 

I hope this does not upset you, but I think this rape really has really hurt you and also angered you. I think part of the reason you feel like you hate certain races and idolize Hitler, is because you have all of this pent-up anger inside from the rape and you don't know what to do with it. Putting the anger against other people feels "safer" to you, rather than letting yourself feel hurt by the rape.

 

I just want to let you know we are here for you. I really think you should tell someone about this that can be trusted, like a counselor at school, or someone else you might feel comfortable telling.

 

I don't think Mark deserves to talk to you anymore.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Shadows Light]

I think you are perfectly normal. Date rape happens a lot. And since you willingly went on the date, and the rape ocurred with someone you called "FRIEND" you question yourself.

 

When you say NO" it means NO... at any point and time. What he did was WRONG.

 

You may want to see if you can talk to your school counselor or ask your md for a referral to a counselor to help you work through this. If this is still WITH you and BOTHERING you two years later... its a problem. You friend may be a nice guy otherwise...but he made a bad choice. No is no.

[Shadows Light]

Post Script: Turn on the news. The news is littered with the bizzarre crimnal acts of a congressman. He may be upstanding in every other facet of his life.... but he hides a darker side that is "NOT" acceptable.

 

What your friend did is NOT acceptable. I agree with BellaDonna.. this is NOT your friend.

[rose2summer]

Hey Heather,

Wow, what an experience to have gone through. I empathize with you as I had a similar one.

My question is.. is that normal?

Yes, it happens often, I had asked the same question to my rape counselor. I suppressed how I felt for 3 yrs and happily went along in my life. Finally I opened the box with all the emotions, feelings, effects and I saw I had repressed everything. Psychologically, when something very traumatic happens in our life, we repress the event, and it's actually involuntarily, through our subconscious.

 

Are my feelings, or lack there of in this case, normal?

Yes, they are definitely normal. What it does show, however, is that this event was actually very damaging and hurtful for you that your body had to block it off from immediate memory, so it's very important to get some counseling to resolve feelings you have as a result of the experience.

 

I know it was wrong of him to do, and he should have been punished for it, but I really, truthfully, didn't care that he did it.

You think you don't care consciously, but it is clear to me that you do, you are just in a great deal of pain in your subconscious. I highly recommend counseling, it's free and confidential, and was a very positive experience for me to overcome my assault.

 

Here's some contact information, they will redirect you to the site nearest you:

Hotlines by topic

Rape Crisis Hotlines

Rape Crisis 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)

Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre (RASASC) -

Helpline 020 8683 3300 / Counselling 020 8683 3311

Victim Support 0845 30 30 900

 

 

Please know you are not alone and I am always available to help.

It's a difficult step to get help but one you will be very happy you made.

 

Hugs, Rose

[heatheRmal]

Thanks guys

 

BellaDonna and Fallout I can see how you'd think my racism came from this, but I assure yuo, it didn't It may have made it stronger, but I was racist before this incident happened. Thanks for your caring, though

 

Mark has seen a councellor and all of that, I'm not sure if he's doing better or not, we never really talk about it.

 

I may see one. I'm usually too shy for this kind of thing..

[Fallout]

I read here rape counselling is free in Canada, and totally annonymous, and if u're too shy to do it in person you cna do it over the phone (again, free). I really think you shouldn't talk to mark anymore, you are sending him the vibe it's ok to rape, they get over it and also I think you should report him or he'll do it again if he hasn't already...

[Fallout]

Oh and another thing...do you find you don't get many feelings generally...do you feel numb inside?

 

Or has anything within you change after the rape as opposed to prior to it ?

 

Sorry this happened to you btw I think I forgot to say that in my first post

[heatheRmal]

Yeah I actually decided today to tell him how I felt about it, and that it's wrong, and I'm NEVER speaking to him again >.

I'm not sure about the reporting thing though because he moves alot so that wouldn't really work, would it?

I dunno

 

I sorta do feel numb inside to some things, but after the rape it seems like I get attatched more easily..

 

I'm a strange individual XD aha

[Fallout]

Well, first of all congratulations on cutting contact with him it's a brave step

 

Actually there isn't any evidence now to convict him after 2 years, but his name will appear on the record and if - or when - there is another complaint he'll be in big trouble...just think of it as not punishing him for what he did to you but saving other girls you won't even meet...maybe even white girls

 

Now seems not even you know how much this affected you so you should find out through that counselling ...if you don't know yourself you're not whole. Remember it's free confidential and you can even do it over the phone if that's what you want...good luck to you

[heatheRmal]

Thanks

I think I might try and find a councellor in the next few weeks

[itsallgrand]

heather,

 

Has anyone ever felt the same way as me?

 

Yes. I have.

 

Have you ever told anyone about what happened to you? If you did, what was their reaction? What did they do?

 

I think finding a councillor is an excellent idea. One way you could do that is to call up a sexual assault crisis line and get a referral. You could also call a woman's shelter - that is where i received my therapy. A bonus to that approach is the therapists are trained specificially in sexual assault and rape. They have a lot of experience.

Another thing about that approach that i really liked is that women's shelters are in private locations. Only the people who go there for help know where they are. That made me feel safer to share.

 

(((heather)))