Another follow-Up, Interesting Correspondence

[Gator]

Scout,

 

She did not contact me yesterday which is kind of surprising. I sent the email you suggested this AM.

 

Crvers,

 

Thank you for the very nice response.

 

In some ways you have to respect that she is being respectful to everyone involved in this situation

 

You are 100% right and I think it best for me to leave the picture for now.

[Gator]

In some ways you have to respect that she is being respectful to everyone involved in this situation

 

I was just thinking about this a little more after I wrot emy reply and I remembered something. After she broke up with me, we continued to talk every day on the phone. Since it was a LDR, things seemed almost exxactly the same, minus the weekend visits.

 

Was she being fair to me here? Did she use me for support until she found someone else? Three months after we broke up, she told me she was going to start dating, the guy whe is with now. At this point it was me that told her I needed no contact, but what did she expect?

 

How come it is not fair to him for us to go to dinner, but it was OK to keep me in the background while she found someone else. I don't think she did this consciously, but nonetheless, it doesn't seem right.

[Scout]

How come it is not fair to him for us to go to dinner, but it was OK to keep me in the background while she found someone else. I don't think she did this consciously, but nonetheless, it doesn't seem right.

 

Honestly, if I was in your shoes, I would be asking myself the same questions. It's totally natural to do so. But, when I went through a recent break up, a very good friend was available to support me through the process, and one thing he kept reminding me not to do is to project possible scenarios that I had no idea were actually real. Gator, based on what I've read in your past threads, she really did love you. I doubt that she was coldly, analytically thinking, "I'm going to keep him in the background to bolster my self-esteem while I go on the hunt for someone else."

 

You were together for two years. It's hard to break that kind of bond cold turkey. It's hard to say good-bye. I would suspect she kept in touch with you simply because it was too hard to just cut things off completely.

 

It's a good idea to keep from projecting scenarios that will cause bitterness towards her to build up in your heart. I know it's easier said than done to stay positive. But you can "work up to that" by at least stopping negative thoughts in their tracks when they pop up in your mind. It might be a better idea to examine the issues that you felt led to the break up, so you can reach a clearer understanding, which will eventually lead to peace of mind - and heart.

 

Again, feel free to PM me anytime. I can share with you details about my last break up, how I handled it, and what I've learned since.

 

Also, I hope you aren't mad at me for suggesting you email her. I just sense you're someone that doesn't like to have questions lingering in your mind, and it seemed to me that a direct approach was needed here, to either get you two on the road to reconcilation, or to at least get the information you need to move on.

 

That being said, if she hasn't responded right away to your email, that could be a sign she's mulling over what you said. Trust me, if you'd sent an email back begging her to change her mind about dinner, you would have gotten an immediate response back saying, "Sorry, no."