please help

[Mrs T]

I've never used this site before....in fact, i only got married 12weeks ago

 

and i found out the other week, that my husband has had phne s*x with a stranger

 

am i abnormal for being upset about this??? how do i forget this???

i now feel completely not enough and i am doubting what we had -please help x

[Sad_now]

Was this AFTER the marriage?

[confused25]

was it one of those "phone sex hotlines"? Or was it somebody he actually met??

[Mrs T]

yes about 10days ago

[Mrs T]

it was 'apparently' someone that randomly texted him and he replied, obviously it went from there and thats how it progressed, he had a separate sim card for his mobile as well, that i didnt know about ....that shocked me....he found out her name, what she did for a livin etc....what she looked like, he told me all this after i demanded it out of him, as i was suspicious of soemthing .......x

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here!

 

i am a little suspicious of this "random person" who texted him. that doesn't sound quite right.....

 

i think it's more likely he knows this woman in real life....

[Meow18]

I can understand why you feel the way you do.

 

Is this something he has done before? Have you told him how you feel?

[confused25]

He told you that the girl just randomly texted him and he replied? I don't know about you, but that story sounds kinda fishy to me. And no, I don't think you're being abnormal for getting upset, if I were you I'd be pissed off too. I really think there's more to the story than what he has shared with you. And you guys just got married about 12 weeks ago? Are you guys having problems in the bedroom that might make him want to do something like this?

[Mrs T]

yes that is a problem, we are quite different, i am probably classed as 'normal' he is what i class as overly s**ual, which makes me feel incompetant ...we have never had a problem in this area before, but due to stress and a bit of depression on my part since the wedding, things have taken a bit of nose dive and my interest has waned in the sense that i am not as adventourous as i once was ....x

[Beec]

Why were you depressed after the wedding? That bothers me a little.

 

Otherwise, it's up to you about how important this is and what to do. I would let him know that there should be no more of this. No phone sex with anyone, because it's too risky and/or too expensive when paid for.

 

Second, I think you should understand that men and women are very different. Men can readily separate our emotions of love and intimacy from sex. We can get our rcosk off without any emotional attachment. So, he was quite possibly just getting his rocks off, found someone to give him some sexual stimulus and that's it. To him this is probably little different than him closing the door and bopping his baloney using his imagination only. To you, it's probably almost as if he had actual sex with her. Do you understand that? You need to explain to him that how you feel about it is very different from how he feels.

 

Additionally, I don't believe his story. I would bet that he has been doing stuff like this before the marriage, knew how to find it and looked for it.

 

Finally, I would consider you setting some ground rules on what he gets to do to get his rocks off, when he is not with you. You might have to allow him a little.

[yeawutever]

Have a long talk with him and explain what you don't find acceptable. Though it's not really cheating, it's disrespecful and shady to most people.

[Mrs T]

i dont know what to do.....he is going out for a work 'do' thursday and having to work sat as well, this is unlike him and i am suspicious although i feel stupid for being so.......

 

when i found out he was doing this, i grabbed his phone and she had sent him a text which came through whilst i was talking to him etc saying...'what do you want me to wear when we meet....am putting two an two together and now i am worried ....

[Rabican]

He has an obligation to his wife, if hes not getting what he wants out of the relationship to try and work it out with you. Not get it elsewhere. Its that simple.

 

You should look into seeing what you can do to make things work out better between you. So should he.

 

I would be VERY mad about the phone sex. And very suspicious, the random person thing sounds a little shady.