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Will she ever want something stable? Could this be a phase?


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It feels so good to vent on here sometimes,

 

I have been dealing with a 22 year old bi-polar ex for almost 3 years. 6mos. together and 2 years of being ex's. I just don't get her at all. I was always so good for her, I have my **** together. I am attractive, have a good job, house, friends, like to do fun things.

 

This girl has been so up and down with me since we broke up, dating others then telling me she's still in love with me, has regrets of breaking up, etc.

 

She has been considered a drama queen and always seems to pick unstable people to date. She has been dating this other guy for the past year and a half and he does drugs, sells them, is physically abusive, physically unnattractive, doesn't have a good job, and no life and he got her on drugs. She would always run to me when they are having problems and use me as a shoulder to cry on, then go back to him. Since she has been with him I have done NC off and on, which always gets a reaction usually after a month or so then we would be friends for a short time. The time we were friends she would act jealous if I talked about other girls, or ask me where I'm going, what I'm doing and would get mad if I didn't text her.

 

I was sick of her **** so I did NC again for 1.5 mos until she came begging (literally) me back to "take things slow." Well what happened is I caved in sort of, thinking she was really sincere this time cause she left her bf, came to live with her mom and told me repeatedly that she wanted to change, start over with me and everyone. She said she has to have me in her life, loved me, has always still been in love with me, etc. She had comletely changed seemed and I was literally shocked! But then a couple weeks later she started talking to her ex more, wouldn't make future plans with me saying her mom would kill her if she got into another relationship now after all she's been through and that she needs time.

 

I saw on their myspace pages that they have been making comments that made it seem they weren't over each other so I told her that she was not done with her ex yet and she said that she was done with him but not over him yet, and on her myspace she wrote a blog to him saying that she didn't know if she wanted it to be over, she was still madly, deeply in love with him and whomever he dates next is one lucky girl!

 

So I sent her a few texts explaining how I felt about it then texted her a "goodbye" and she said "what the hell?" Then she started asking me if I was still going to loan her that gas money, and I ignored her, then hours later she asked me if I was going to work out, I ignored her. The next day she said "ya know it's rude to ignore someone." I ignored her again of course. Haven't heard from her since 3 days ago and I do not plan to call her or text her.

 

I just don't get it. She said she wanted to turn her life around and that she didn't want to date her ex anymore, she said it numerous times. She knows he's bad for her but she keeps running back to him. Unstable needs unstable maybe? Do you think she'll ever want a stable relationship. I know I should probably keep ignoring her if she contacts me? I don't know if she will contact me though anymore.

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Don't let go of your self respect. You may not consider that now but a decade down the road, you will kick yourself for not making a clean break. If she ever contacts you again, tell her straight to her face that you never want to talk to her again. If she jumps off a building, it's not your fault.

 

Dude, don't waste your time on her. Get a girl and if you two ever run into each other again, make sure she sees how successful you are (in the dating game). It is the BEST payback.

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I agree that this girl is not where your concerns should be. I would continue complete and full NC from here on out. The things she is doing is going to bring her down quickly and you if you were to keep dealing with this girl.

 

For you own sake I would continue ignoring her plea's to get back with you, and continue on with your own life in a positive way. I think you have dealt with her mess long enough.

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I was engaged to a bi-polar crazy. If you push her out for a while, then ease up and let her back into your life, you will always have these ups and downs. She will never hit a median with you. Use this last turn of events as a reason to move on and get a better life. If you don't stick to your No Contact, she will drag you down with her.

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If you do NC she will do two things: She will either try hard to get you back or she will go completely off the deep end and get seriously involved with him or another loser. She will always go to the extremes of both sides. There is no median with severe bi-polar people like this. If you do take her back again, the same thing will happen. She craves your attention. The only way to get her to stop is to cut off the supply. Forever.

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She does do pretty good in not making any contact with me for awhile if she knows I won't. I guess you mean in cutting of the supply forever is saying if she trys to come back again to definitely not let her come back, I have caved in every time. I think this last time she came back I told her that this was her last chance so I wonder if she really won't try it again. She is on medication though for bi-polar if it makes a difference, but that mixed with drugs (if she does em again) probably isn't good.

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I just don't get it. She said she wanted to turn her life around and that she didn't want to date her ex anymore, she said it numerous times. She knows he's bad for her but she keeps running back to him. Unstable needs unstable maybe? Do you think she'll ever want a stable relationship. I know I should probably keep ignoring her if she contacts me? I don't know if she will contact me though anymore.

 

She's a whack job, an emotional mess, emotionally unstable is putting it lightly. The only thing you should do in your case is what you have been doing - going NC on her. It works, you said so yourself. However, you need to break the cycle with this girl by asking her things like this:

 

You want to straighten your life out?

You want to "turn your life around"?

You don't want to be with your scumbag ex anymore?

 

Then, you answer flatly and emphatically:

 

"Hey, that's great baby, I wish you well and I'm all for it....Give me a call when you make those things happen. Contact me when your life is "turned around" and you are completely over this other guy and we'll talk"

 

And that's ALL you say to her. It's as simple as that. You have to cut the string of the yo-yo so she can't play with it anymore.

 

She's doing blogs about this other guy on Myspace? Greeeeeat, that's really classy. What kind of person shares personal crap like that on their Myspace page? A very immature and self absorbed person. Cut her out of your life and keep her out of your life until she fixes her own. Don't hold your breath and move forward with yours in the meantime.

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