"what with my folks -anyone have this problem, can't drive by myself, and interograti

[joe45]

I kinda of have this problem when its comes to dating , i have no car. BUt then i was talking to a friend and he later on says it doesn't matter this and that. He then says ah ya but can't u even use you parents car-well the answer is No

how do u explain to a girl ur dating or even to guy friends that your 25 yr old CBC chinese guy and ur parents don't let you drive by urself. i never been in an accident, hit anyone or gotten drunk driving.

I had my driving license issued on NOv 25 05-right on that date.(it took me really long in getting this final exam,as my folks never made in a prority in gettin a licence.)

 

I mean how do you explain it to a girl ur dating -"ah my folks won't let me drive" i mean they'll think ah whats wrong with this guy or is he mental-which i am not. i mean thats why i have to meet em here and there at some central location-if we were to date.

 

i mean my folks are parnoid about everything, going out after 8pm and when its dark is dangerous-ppl might beat you up and rob you,

talking to a friend on the phone, and later on when i finish talking to the friend 10 minutes later dad comes into my room and asks-"whos that you are talking to" -in a straight forward question. me

dad i had to now, a lot of bad people out there

me: just co worker

dad image removedk is he chinese

me: ah yes

what with this now, its been like this when i as 18 , and still now at 25.

was talking to a female friend on the phone and my dad sometimes picks up and listens since the phone is all on the same line

dad that person u are talking to

me

dad: is she chinese-this is classic question for him and mom

me: ah yes-if i say no, he'll bug me on drugs and not to do them -over and over again-did this since i was 16-and never did them either in my life

dad sure she doesn't use you hey -lot of ppl in life use you, like those cons artists and this and that-he talking and relating to stuff in the news

me i have no money and no damn car-yea she using me for sure-lol

 

what is with my folks and no letting me drive and also my sister is 23 and she can';t drive by herself too, its hurting my dating -girls ask "can't you even borrow you parents car"-ah what do i say , and my life too. i mean i tell ppl this and their like what the heck. i mean what kind of excuse can i use instead of the parents don;t let me drive.

also why are my parents even like this , its not like i ever did drugs in my life, never been in accident. i just work finished college and working now. i mean how can i get em off my back

 

oh ya i'm thinkin of buying a car, i'm saving up. nothing fancy though, a cheap economical vehicle. hey if i can't use my folks 93 Corolla what can i do. i might end up buying a american Cavalier, sunfire-at least it goes right .

is this a chinese thing or does it happen to a lot of chinese. my dad says chiense parents care and shelter their kids more than whites-and thats why chinese kids are not on the streets doing drugs or going to jail for stealing .....so is this a chinese thing or just my crazy folks thing

[annie24]

i think moreso than the car is the issue with your parents. you say that they don't let you go out late, but you are 25! you have been an adult for 7 years, according to law.

 

I have dated guys without cars, and that is not an issue. the problem here seems to be that they are still treating you like a little kid, and you are still living under their rule as a child, but you are old enough to be out on your own, being your own man, with your own apartment and car (if you wish to have one).

 

I think you should get out of your parents' house and become independent.

[annie24]

just to add...

 

I know that this is a cultural thing, but i think you can still be respectful to your parents and move out on your own. you don't have to disown your parents, I'm just saying, you are 25, i think it's time you could have phone conversations without having your parents easvedropping.

 

As a female, I wouldn't want to date a guy whose parents had such an influence in a guy's life. Because i know that they would try to control him and our relationship, like maybe not letting him come over to my place, or take a weekend vacation together. Or if things got more serious, they may try to keep us apart, or even if they approved of me, they would tell him where we could and couldn't buy a house, or what kind of wedding to have.

 

blah, who wants to have over-bearing in-laws???

[kafka]

Forget about the car - your father demands to know who you are talking to on the phone and if they're Chinese?

 

I'd have been out of that house a long time ago!

[Maverick32x]

Move out. Get away.

I also am all for obeying parents and being a good son/daughter. But this is too extreme. You are 25 Years old, and haven't even begun to live your life. Do you have a job?

[renaissancewoman101]

How long have your parents been here in the US? I have noticed that people who have been here in the US not for a long time, tend to be overprotective of their kids, esp those people who dont speak English real well and dont assimilate into American society. Those are the ones that view American culture as being too permissive and not good. I am Chinese (but was born in US) and my parents have been in the US for 34 years now. My mom is suspicious of American culture and tends to associate with Asians only in Chinatown or the other Asian parts of town. She tends to be controlling and suspicious of people. My dad, on the other hand, is a college professor so he is exposed to American culture since he works in it. He is more permissive, gave me more freedom growing up, and is less suspicious of people.

 

I know what it is like to grow up in a traditional Asian household in American society. You pick up the values, traditions and mannerisms of Americans and then at home, you have to conform to the traditional Asian cultural beliefs. I had trouble with that so I compromised with my parents and went off to college and studied engineering to make my mother happy (although I did change majors). I was lucky that my dad was more permissive and understanding.

 

If I were you, I would move out of the house before even getting a car, but be aware that your parents are not going to let you go so easily. They will guilt trip you into staying and telling you that you are going to mess up, that life is dangerous out there, etc. But, in order to grow up, you have to learn to be on your own.

[joe45]

wow my folks been here for like 40 or more years. why are chinese folks so controlling hey-do this and do that , not this and that.

also why are my folks so suspicious on ppl -scamming them this and that and scared of this and that. what the heck did sokmething happen to em before or what