Her mom hates him, he hates her mom.

[leftonadoorstep]

Okay, this is a friend, not for me. She really needs some help.

For the past few months, she's been growing closer and closer to a friend she knows through orchestras and music practice - we all go to a specialist music school, but they're in many of the same orchestras.

She got to know him better, and before the summer break they exchanged numbers, so they could text during the break. It was her birthday recently, and he got her this beautiful bracelet.

So it wasn't too much of a surprise to all of her friends (including me) when he asked her out. And so she's been dating him for about a month now, and it's really serious for them.

Which sounds really sweet, right? Problem is, he's not too good at English as so last year he was put into this "special" English difficulties class. And his teacher was her mom. Because he was so bad at English, her mom really, really loathes him and doesn't want her daughter to even speak to him. So he hated her mom for being so controlling.

Now she's found out that they're going out and it's all going wrong - he's not a bad guy, he's really lovely, but her mom doesn't see it like that: to her, he's just a bad influence, not to mention the fact he's a little bit older than my friend.

He doesn't understand why my friend's finding it so difficult, and she's getting really upset. She's growing more and more resentful towards her mom, which is really sad because they've always had such a good relationship. They're all lovely people, and I hate to see my friend put in this position. Is there anything I can do for her? I'm not trying to interfere, just back up a friend. Besides, I don't know her bf very well.

[sumguy]

There's nothing you can do personally - don't get messed up in these things, it'll turn out badly for you - In these situations it generally takes a leap of faith on behalf of the parent to allow them to get over it. How do you prod them to edge and make them take the leap? I'd suggest that your friend and her boyfriend have a calm but serious discussion with her mother - or maybe just a mother and daughter - try and make her see reason, how much your friend likes him, or address the specific issues the two of them have.

 

Even if they'll never like each other, they should at least be able to see reason and stop fighting for the sake of your friend. One line springs to mind:

 

"She loves the both of you - so unless she's a terrible judge of character, you have more in common than you have to fight about."

 

I hope this helped =)

[Jayar]

Honestly, every time my mom didn't like a guy I was dating, she turned out to be right. I'm glad my relationship with my parents never suffered over a guy, because I have yet to be right ONCE.

[n83]

I agree.. I bet if her mom is that opposed, there's probably a pretty good reason. You should enourage your friend to at least hear her mom out, let her say why she doesn't like him.

[jengh]

Honestly, every time my mom didn't like a guy I was dating, she turned out to be right. I'm glad my relationship with my parents never suffered over a guy, because I have yet to be right ONCE.

 

Definitely agree with you on that one. Mothers just have a way of knowing and as much as i HATE to admit it, 99% of the time (with everything), she's been right. As sweet as this guy may be, her mother may see things that her daughter can't. And I see that you're 14 and I assume your friend is around the same age. She's still young. There's a lot more to look forward to in life. Many more "fish in the sea". Best of luck to her.

[colors]

Yep I agree with the other posters. Mothers do have a way of knowing. She teaches him, she has taken the time to get to know him.

And a mother more than anyone else, DO Want their children Happy! So if she is having a problem with this, she is more than likely right to worry. The older you get the better you get at seeing warning signs in people. her mom has experience with this. And may see things that you & your friend are too younge & inexperienced to see...And is most likely not wanting to see her daughter get hurt or get on the wrong path.

If you want to help, I suggest talking to your friend to open up the communication with her mother again. It's sad to see a boy sever that. Try to convince your friend to talk & listen to her mom. To keep an open mind & trust her mom is probably smarter than she thinks. I wish you the best & I pray that your friend & her mom patch things up.