leftonadoorstep

Okay, this is a friend, not for me. She really needs some help. For the past few months, she's been growing closer and closer to a friend she knows through orchestras and music practice - we all go to a specialist music school, but they're in many of the same orchestras. She got to know him better, and before the summer break they exchanged numbers, so they could text during the break. It was her birthday recently, and he got her this beautiful bracelet. So it wasn't too much of a surprise to all of her friends (including me) when he asked her out. And so she's been dating him for about a month now, and it's really serious for them. Which sounds really sweet, right? Problem is, he's not too good at English as so last year he was put into this "special" English difficulties class. And his teacher was her mom. Because he was so bad at English, her mom really, really loathes him and doesn't want her daughter to even speak to him. So he hated her mom for being so controlling. Now she's found out that they're going out and it's all going wrong - he's not a bad guy, he's really lovely, but her mom doesn't see it like that: to her, he's just a bad influence, not to mention the fact he's a little bit older than my friend. He doesn't understand why my friend's finding it so difficult, and she's getting really upset. She's growing more and more resentful towards her mom, which is really sad because they've always had such a good relationship. They're all lovely people, and I hate to see my friend put in this position. Is there anything I can do for her? I'm not trying to interfere, just back up a friend. Besides, I don't know her bf very well.

I think you're doing too much - the whole idea sounds really, really romantic and lovely, but like heloladies said it's not like she's said that she wants to date you exclusively, or that she's your gf. I'd cut out the flowers and the holding her hand - like Scout said, she'll KNOW that you like her as more than a friend if you take her on a picnic, especially one so thoughtful. For me, this would freak me out if I was in her position. If she likes you as more than a friend, it may seem too soon. If she doesn't see you as more than that... But this is a perfect date if things get more serious.

Yeah: DON'T put gel in your hair - it's gross. that's all I can think of at the moment. Oh, and go smart-casual - make it look as if you've made some sort of effort, even if you haven't really.

Personally, yeah, I prefer them to be a friend first although I seem to go for the older/more aloof guy quite a lot too... My advice is to start talking to her, show her that you're interested in what she has to say. Maybe lean into her a little, this always boosts someone's confidence. Mostly it's better not to seem too interested in a girl that you like, as most of us will freak out! But when I say that, I don't mean ignore her - that also spells complete doom. Just, as you're passing, say hi and smile, and ask her how she is. Mostly the guys I go for aren't the most physically attractive ones, although that does really help For me, it's their charm and their interest in me and their friendship - which you seem to have no problem with.

Yeah, that's a good idea - I will have to try out changing the subject, although I think someone's already told her about how hurt she's making C. Thank you for your help xD.

Sorry, I don't mean to make it sound like I'm not happy for her - I am, I really am. But I've seen her screw up before, when she's really wanted it. That's not really what I'm so bothered about. It's that she's been being really, really horrible to my other friend, and it's not her being excited. It's her being unkind and trying to completely destroy C's confidence. Oh, and I'm not really her friend. More of, I know her, we hang out a bit. Not, we're best friends, we do everything together.

well, yeah, mostly people ask just to be polite or to start a conversation. It's really not a question you answer with any truth, mostly. But anyway, if you replied like that I'd probably laugh. Because I'm just that sort of peroson that doesn't really listen to your answer. I'm sorry

Okay, here's the deal. I have two friends, and they're both really into drama and theatre, just like me. One of them, C, is really good. the other, K, thinks she's good but in reality, she's pretty average. And she also can only act one emotion: angry. I'm not sure if anyone knows this, but angry is the easiest emotion to portray. So here's my dilemma: K has just got a part in the shcool play, the one the C wanted. C auditioned better, but she's not the right height or shape to play the role. So K is now being really big headed, just saying I beat C, I beat C, wait till she hears about it!, and basically rubbing it in that she got the part. firstly, K is going to screw up the part secondly, C is really upset thirdly, K is being incredibly big headed and I have no idea what to do So if anyone can help me, that would be great.

She has a go at me when I fight back. And anything I do is wrong: if I read, she accuses me of being self centred and anti social, if my friends come round, I'm trying to fill the house with people and it's more work for her. If I do anything wrong she'll hit me or swear at me... But like scarew says, I guess I have to understand that the next few years will be difficult. And I have to pick my battles. Good luck with your girlfriend, and with your mum. I hope things start looking up for you!

That's true, only four more years and then I can get out... Thank you, because your reply has made me realise I'm not the only person out there that feels the same way! I guess that my relationship with my Mum just seems a little different compared to how I see my friends' relationships with their parents because at my school, there's only thirty other girls in my year and mostly they get along with their parents because they're never at home (At least fifteen live at the school during termtime as boarders).

I try to. It's just very, very annoying... that's good advice thank you

I'm fourteen, and I know that most of what I've said is wrong is normal. I guess the thing that bothers me most is that she'll insult me if she's losing an argument, or just because she feels like it. And that everything I do that's good is eclipsed by everything my brother does.

I don't really know how to write this. I mean, I love my Mum, I really do, it's just sometimes I can't stand to be even in the same room as her. When she's around, I feel that everything I do is wrong and I'm a complete failure. It's just that she'll never let me be myself - she dictates everything I do, from what I wear to who I'm friends with. I know that a lot of people ignore what their parents tell them – but my Mum always finds out, and then there's hell to pay… She'll insult me just to make me back down, and anything I say after that will be wrong. I know a lot of it is my fault, because I don't know when to keep my mouth shut, but… I just wish she'd let me be myself and stop trying to force me into things: it's just embarrassing for me and embarrassing for everyone else concerned. Whatever. I don't want to appear like an over-sensitive kid, but I guess that's how I'm coming accross. I guess I'll feel guilty in about ten minutes for writing this. That's the sort of love-hate relationship we have.